HomeWorking MothersWhy might a guy repeatedly stand up a woman he says is “too good” for him?
Posted in Working Mothers on 12th June 2014

Why might a guy repeatedly stand up a woman he says is “too good” for him?
He met me a few weeks ago and asked me out. We had one low key date a week later. Just a bit of kissing and a movie. Had a lovely time. I have a medical job, own flat, but he paid for everything despite being 10 years younger. He was VERY keen to see me again, but never confirmed what time we were meeting that Saturday, and he didnt reply to my messages, so, I let it go, after a few days of waiting, and sending him some messages.

A week later his friend called to say he had been arrested. He himself contacted me 2 weeks ago and we me up briefly for a chat. He pledged not to mess me around again.

That was the last time we met as he stood me up again last night. I called and his phone was off. I then texted the same friend who called me last time, asking if he had seen him, and he said “please, trust me. He cant stop talking about you. I dont know whats going on”.

The guy himself then bbm’d me (free service) begging me to call him, three times, at 2am. I saw them this morning.

I called him today and lo and behold his phone was off.

He was nervous when we met as he kept asking why I would want him, as I am apparently “so sorted” and apparently could have “anyone”.

He COULD be playing a joke, but ASSUMING he isnt, what could be going on here?

Other factors are, he lives with his grandmother, but he still sees his friends a lot, as his aunt gives him respite. She is the mother of his deceased mother, so he isn’t some irresponsible punk.

Best answer(s):

Answer by Linda
In my experience, if a guy tells a woman she is ‘too good’ for him, she should listen. That is his way of telling you that you are going to get hurt. Sometimes, it means that he is cheating on you. In this case, you haven’t even gotten far enough in the relationship for him to be cheating. I’d say, he is just not in a good place to be in a relationship with you right now. Time to move on.

Answer by Bobbie
“She is the mother of his deceased mother, so he isn’t some irresponsible punk.” This remark is totally Non sequitur.

You sound rather young, so if there is a 10 year gap here, I doubt his veracity in being totally sincere with you.

Answer by Been There
The guy is bad news.
When we get involved with someone, the longer we are with them, the more problems there are and the more intense the problems become. In a relationships with a decent potential, the problems don’t start until the honeymoon period has ended.

And already you two are having problems? Already you are baffled, bothered, flustered and not at-ease? Hon, you haven’t seen ANYTHING YET. At only 2 weeks into this “relationship”, you should not be heavily emotionally invested (not unless you are just as toxic as he is).
Get out while the getting it good.

He stands you up. He gets arrested. He doesn’t like himself, puts himself down (no one can make a relationship work unless they like themselves). He might by lying to you like a sailor, for all you know. He lost his mother too young, and has mother “issues” (no surprise he’s dating you, 10 years older), and still depends on his female relatives to keep him going. He’s emotionally unstable, bbm’ing you 3 times at 2 in the morning … can’t handle his emotions at all.

Furthermore, he is obsessed with you. This is infatuation, not love. Any psychologist will tell you that the greater the chemistry/infatuation at the beginning, the more problems the relationship will have down the road. He can’t stop talking about you … trouble, in capital letters.
Infatuation dies out after 2 years, and half the time, people find that they don’t even LIKE the other person without the “high” of infatuation.

Answer by LitGirl
He’s just not that into you. When men say that you are too good for them, they’re looking for a nice way to get rid of you while still making you feel good about yourself.

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