HomeChild CareWhen did you have your second child?
Posted in Child Care on 27th October 2011

When did you have your second child?
I know it all depends on the person but me and my husband are always going back and fourth on this subject. We are 22 and 23, married for almost 4 years, our son is two next month and we are debating when the best time to have our next child is. He says now, I say wait, he says “they need to be close in age” and I say “who really cares?!” So my question to you is, what is your opinion? What was easiest for you, raising them closer together or further apart? Like I said I know everyones situations are different but I’d just like to get some response! Thanks!

Best answer(s):

Answer by Aaron Ronaldo
I’m still a virgin in high school

Answer by Lena Dawson
My oldest son was two when we had our second child, then we had another one about every two years after that, we now have four. Personally, I found this to be a good time gap, they were far enough apart that they still have a “big sibling little sibling” thing going on and they were far enough into toddlerhood that they were easier to manage with a new baby, but they were close enough together that they have that close sibling bond and get to grow up together, but thats just me, its different for everyone, if you want to wait, wait, this should be a two person decision.

Answer by Emma Rom
Mine were 17 mo apart and I liked it that way. If you got pregnant today they would still be almost 3 years apart and that’s not that close. Also think about how old you want to be when they would leave the nest. You started out early and definitely not implying you don’t love enjoy raising your kid being a wife. But you and your hubby need a time for yourselves too (with out them) and will still be young when they leave. You’ll have kids graduating while others your age will have kids in elementary school. That’s just my opinion I had all kids between 20-24.

Answer by tiarawtan
It’s the best time to have your second child when your first child is between 2.5yrs-3. That is because begging of three years old is when they start to expolre the world on their own. However, they can’t explore the world without having a secure base (mother.) So when the 3 year old have a brand new siblings, they worry that their mother is taken over by their new sibling, which stops them from exploring the world. By exploring, it means when they start to play with other children and become more independent, besides just simple mother-child relationship. A 3 year old who are ready to try out new things have to trust their mother that she will always be there. But if the mother was too occupied with a second child, the child won’t feel safe leaving mother to play with their friends. And when 3years old miss that developmental stage, they tend to carry social problems later in life. It’s important to nurture the parent-child attachment. So, back to the question, the ideal time to have your second child is before your first child is three. Good luck!

Answer by Yvonne
I became a mother very young, I was only 15. My husband and I got pregnant when my son was 5 and they ended up being 6 years apart, exactly within the hour. October 6 2002 and 2008.

I personally think it was a great age gap. My son was at school all day while I was at home with the baby while I was on maternity leave. It gave me and my daughter time to bond alone and then as a family after school and after my husband got home from work.

Now that they are 2 and 8, it doesn’t get any easier. They fight like cats and dogs lol. But they love eachother dearly and that’s what matters. My sister and I are almost 7 years apart. We are best friends now but growing up, we hated eachother lol.

Answer by Courage
I had my first at 30, and we wanted more than a couple so we needed to have them close together. However, my sister was 16 months or so older than me and always felt in competition and hated me for it, so I didn’t want them TOO close. We started trying when she was about 15-16 months and I got pregnant fairly soon after trying, but miscarried. That would have made her 2 when I gave birth. She ended up being 2 1/2 when she had her baby brother join us, and that has worked out fine. She’s still in diapers, and working on potty training, but she helps with him, understands me when I say to be gentle, and very much sees him as needing her to look after him which is good. There’s no chance of competition really, and she can handle being told “sit and read a book while I pat him to sleep, stay quiet” or even “go play in your room so I can take care of your brother” and then understand that once he’s cared for that I’ll come and play with her or read with her (so she understands “I go do this now and give mommy time, and then mommy has more time with me”, something she wouldn’t have done at 2.)

I can’t speak as far as being older, we do plan to have at least another one and that will be when he’s coming up on 2-3 years old because we like this gap. With your age, you can choose to wait another year without it being an issue. I’m not a fan of close in age because of competition, but it decreases after the 3 year mark I think.

Answer by Cheshire Cat
My first was 21 months when I got pregnant with the second. They are 2.5 years apart. They are close, but they were both young and needy. I wish I could have had more time with my first. My third has a bigger gap, for me 31/2 or 4 years is a great gap. My oldest is 6 years older than his little brother and he loves playing with him.

Answer by very blunt person
I was 18 when I had my first child.My son and my daughter are 3 and a half years apart.My daughter has two younger brothers that do not belong to me and they are all two years apart.My daughter gets jelous of my son because he is older and is allowed to do more than her,but she gets along great with her two younger brothers because they are close in age and none of them are allowed to do more or less than the other.

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