HomeWorking MothersWhat would be your reaction? ?
Posted in Working Mothers on 9th March 2014

What would be your reaction? ?
You are a part-time stepparent to 2 stepkids that have very few rules and almost no discipline. Their mom is going on a 9 day vacation and leaving them with you. You don’t live in the same town. They do not eat the same things. Their dad will be involved but works very long hours. You have 3 cats and a dog to look after. You work full-time. You had 0 say in this. How would you feel?
They are in school and have activities.
Their mom is an unfit mother. She is immature and selfish. I think she’s a narcissist. She doesn’t think of her kids. She was going to send them to 4 different houses for those 9 days.
My husband is coming down very hard on me for feeling a bit slighted in all of this. He thinks I should be all smiles and just do it. It’s very hard for me. Am I wrong to feel this way?
I know my obligations. But what about their mother? What about her? Where is her responsibility? We took the kids on vacation for a week. This is her 2nd vacation this year without the kids.
The weekends are fine. It’s the running around during the week with everything. I work full-time. My husband does too. It just seems really unfair.
I’m not unreasonable. I want bedtimes. I want one meal as opposed to 3 different meals each night. I’ll give in for one alternative. Thank you. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. My husband was yelling at me over my reaction.
14 girl and 10 boy. The girl will have lots of homework. The boy not so much. He watches tv from the time he comes in to the time he leaves. That has to stop or I will go insane. He watches cartoons. My husband will be around to help but it will be mostly me.
I am angry towards their mother. I want to smack her, not really. She gets drunks and tells them because it’s funny to her. She’s 37.
I should tell you that I am nice and do what I can for these kids. I know I married them too essentially. It’s just the injustice of it all. My husband lets them rule the house. That’s how I feel. I don’t know what to do. I want to escape since I’m supposed to just go along with it. I want some rules. I don’t want to have them be so disruptive. You know how hard that is? After working and have to walk on egg shells? I guess I need to schedule some alone time. Is that ok?
I’m ready to cry from the stress. We have pets. I have errands to run during the week and on the weekend. I play my keyboard as a stress reliever. Maybe I’m worrying too much. At our wedding, a long time friend of my parents spoke to me because she didn’t like how much power the kids had. She was very concerned for me because she knows that I’m sweet and nice. I was being accommodating. She thought I was going too far, that I needed to stand up for myself. I’m trying to do that but I want to be fair. I know these kids are victims too.
I’ve bonded with my stepson. It’s harder with my stepdaughter. She’s just like her mother. Carbon copy. Very selfish and stubborn. Her way or she throws a major temper tantrum. It should be ok since she will be pretty busy.
I’ll do my best. I think if it were only 7 days and not 9-10 days, I might feel less stressed. It just seems beyond what should be acceptable. She is lousy.
I’ll try to involve my stepson but he’ll busy with his hamster that is coming too. She wanted to give us another cat too. My husband said no. They have a dog too. We have my stepson’s friends staying with us too for a day/night/morning.
I fully support having the children come live with us. I get a say. It’s my life too. I must be doing something wrong. I’m not telling it like it is. I’m p’od with their mom. She never takes any responsibility. She hands it off to someone else because she’s lazy.
I am trying to sort things out. I guess maybe I feel left out? I try to stay in but I’m doing the work around the house. Laundry, cleaning, taking care of pets, shopping for stuff we need, etc. I’m doing the work. I’m exhausted.
I almost wish there was someone that could see what was going on and give my perspective in better words. I just know that I’m not wrong here.
They will help out but not always. If I leave it to them, they won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it after they have gone or having to run out. I don’t ask for much. Just some help so the burden isn’t on me completely. I feel like they take advantage of my good nature. Maybe that is it?
I want the kids to come live with us. Their mom is an unfit mom. My husband knows this.
The kids won’t though because they won’t be able to get away with bloody murder. They will hear the word no now and again. There will be rules. It won’t be unfair. But it will be not what they are used to.
I guess the answer is that I need to suck it up and count down when it’s getting me down. I tried to get my husband to commit to some kind of planning. He wouldn’t do it. The kids are in charge. Oh joy! He can do the shopping and running around when we don’t have what they want.
I’m married. I didn’t know it would be like this. We pay almost $ 1000 a month in child support. It’s a lot. I see so much of it squandered because there is so much that the kids do not have. Mom has it all. I’m just crying for some responsibility from responsible parents. They had these kids. It’s kind of too late for them to not want to deal with them, don’t you think? I’m on board. I’m stressing. I like having a game plan. I know it can change but at least we have something to work from. At the very least, BLD, Snacks, Laundry, Showers, Time to get up, Time to go to bed, etc.
Homework time, tv time? Right now, it’s anything goes and it’s exhausting. We have them Wed nights for a few hours. It’s like a circus. Tv on and off constantly. 3 different dinners. My sd half finished with her dinner wants more. She finishes and then changes her mind. Never mind. I’m full now. She’s an idiot when it comes to stuff like that. I say, why don’t you finish before you say you want more? You usually don’t want more. I feel like a servant in my own home.
I guess I should just let my husband deal with it since he doesn’t want to plan or discuss? I’m not a mind reader. The solution is let my husband deal with it and I’ll be a supporting player. I said so much last night to him.
I don’t nag my husband. I just watch things not get done and then he gets upset. I’m like, well, you didn’t do it. If you want it done then you need to do it. He wants to tie me to the chair because I’m always doing something. Yeah, I’m not lazy.
I do 90% which is all I can handle. Ok? I can’t do everything. I can’t. I don’t have that kind of time. I barely sit now.
I should not have do 90%. I’m holding my ground. He needs to step up to the plate and I’m going to tell him so tonight. He agreed to this insanity so he’s going to help out more. If he’s monopolizing the washer/dryer then he’s doing our laundry too. I don’t want to hear him complain because I fold it and put it away.
Thank you Chottwo. I’ll stay strong. That’s good that you have your husband’s support. Maybe that’s an issue for me. My husband supports the kids at my expense. He’s making up for their mother or trying to. It’s not normal when they are there. There is so much that we would normally do but can’t do because they are there. It all adds up. He sides with the kids. It’s like I’m on my own. That is a problem. It shouldn’t have to be a them vs. me. It should be us. That’s what I want. US. not as it is, them vs. me.
Thank you. I think I have finally gotten to the bottom of it. My problem is that it needs to be us and not them vs. me. That’s how I feel. I need to feel that I have my husband’s support.
I’m going to make a bold statement. If he can’t give me more support then I will be prepared to walk away. I’m a good woman that deserves to have a husband that supports me too.

Best answer(s):

Answer by munkyluvr732108

Answer by Robyn K
you definately should have had a say in it

you married the man knowing he had children and that you would become a stepmother.

Answer by N5
Hm, sounds like a scene from cinderella. Except everything is backwards.

Answer by Lisa
I wouldn’t be happy, but in marrying their dad, you are taking responsibility for his kids when he can’t be there.

Answer by Daemian B
That’s why I avoid getting involved with single mothers.

Answer by kwazywabbott
Why are you involved even “part-time” with this idiot! Find yourself someone worthwhile. In the meantime, move out while the useless little buggers are in school and change your cell number. Screw ’em.

Answer by weekam94
well what to do is on weekends go out to parks with them and try to bond with them they will calm down

Answer by omarjafet
Extremely overwhelmed, I wish you the best.

Answer by Michael
w0w…thats crazy how the mother doesnt care!

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