HomeWorking MothersWhat issues would a single guy have deal with if he married a divorced woman who is also a mother?
Posted in Working Mothers on 9th May 2012

What issues would a single guy have deal with if he married a divorced woman who is also a mother?
I am a single guy who is in a relationship with a single mom who is divorced.

We have not dated that long but we enjoy each others company. And I like her children a lot. However, I am facing a lot of adversities.

1) My girlfriend refrains from me telling my parents that she is divorced with children (I already know that my parents will be shellshocked, but I have to tell them somehow-She has spoken to my parents on the phone, by the way).

***In addition, I realize that the longer I hold out telling my parents,
the more difficult in the long run. So, for the time being, I am
I am holding off telling my parents out of respect for her.

2) My girlfriend comes from a family that is financially “well-off.” I come from a “working” middle-class family. She is used to dating “wealthy” men and those who have “power.” I pretty much go “against the grain” as far as the type of men she would date.

3) She has told her family and friends about me. They asked questions like:

a) What does he do for a living? Does he have a house

b) Has he been married before? If not, can he handle being with a
divorced mother?

c) Has he been in a relationship before? If he has never been
married before, what make you think he will consider marriage now? (I actually had a 3 year relationship with a woman significantly older than me – we broke it off because I wanted to have children).

4) While I have gone out of my way to introduce my girlfriend to my friends, both male and female, she is reluctant to introduce me to a lot of her friends (We have never gone out on a “double-date” with her friends, only mine). I HAVE THIS FEELING THAT HER FAMILY AND FRIENDS DO NOT LIKE ME. I CAN’T EXPLAIN IT, BUT I FIND IT VERY IMPORTANT TO BE ACCEPTED BY HER FAMILY AND FRIENDS. MY FRIENDS HAVE ACCEPTED HER WITH OPEN ARMS, BUT I DO NOT FEEL I AM GETTING THE SAME.

Right now, I am enjoying her company and feel that it is a little too early for me to be talking about anything long term. Once again, we have only been together for half a year.

But I am confused because I feel that my girlfriend feels that I am not the one for her, and/or she is in a hurry to get married because she wants to be taken care of financially.

So the biggest dilemma that I face is that my girlfriend keeps telling me that I should just find myself a woman who has never been married.


Again, in due fairness, I understand that the dynamics of being in a “single guy/divorced mother” relationship is very complex, and I know that maturity is a big factor in it working.

However, I feel that I am getting dealt a bad hand. It’s gotten to a point where I am overthinking the situation and it’s letting my insecurities come out.

For all you experts out there, i need your honest input.

Best answer(s):

Answer by ru
its no big deal single guy/divorced mother but i dont think she would be with u for long taking into account her family and guys she dates and also it wouldnt be wise to hide out anything from ur parents and even though they eventually agree she’s not the one for u….

so advise move out and move on….but pls this time who is single maybe and childless and also ur age…..

all the best

Answer by yobo360
I think you seem to be really sweet, and don’t need to be put through stuff like that. Have you tried sitting her down and talking to her? If you haven’t you probably should. If you have, you have to think of things on your own, no matter how hard. But if things don’t last, always remember that there is someone else out there.

Answer by originata
You don’t seem too experienced with women. Is she older than you?

If someone tells you to find someone else who is better suited for you, LISTEN TO THEM. To me, it seems like she is not taking the relationship seriously. You are someone she probably enjoys being around and having sex with if that’s the case but she doesn’t seem like she sees you as a long term partner. Not because of anything you’re doing though. She doesn’t want to introduce you to her friends nor wants you to tell your parents all about her, because she doesn’t want to get too involved or too attached. It’s not that her family friends do not like you, they don’t even know you, she is probably ashamed that she is with someone young and less experienced and less established than she is.

You are more involved in the relationship than she is. Her being divorced or having a kid from a relationship is not the problem nor should you lump all women in that situation into one group. She simply does not see being with you long term, so you should move on and find someone who wants the same things as you WITH you. Do not see what is not there, you will get hurt.

Answer by T.
Simply put… if you want HER, tell her so & stop worrying. If you feel you are being played, then have enough self respect to politely leave the relationship.

Oh, and the first thing you could do to answer all of your own questions, is tell your parents the whole truth!

Answer by LU LU
They all sound like shallow materialistic people while you seem very down to earth. It may be in your best interest to find someone who would be proud to have you on her arm. I want a man like you

Answer by ruth
Sorry, I’m not reading all of this. If you have this many issues already, run.

Not every single mother presents all of these same issues, btw. What most of us do is put our children first, and this is usually the toughest part for a never-married childless man to deal with (also true about women and single fathers).

Answer by ewing34
you should move on. if she is telling you that you should move on. you will end up tired and broken hearted

Answer by E&L
She is enjoying your relationship, but she definitely has not taken any measures to make it a long term one. The fact that she is not honest with your parents and she has not openly included you in her circle of friends is a giant red flag that she is just ‘dating’ you, but not in a committed relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, this may be what she wants right now given the fact she has kids(which are a big enough commitment of time and effort). Before your dating hits the 1 year mark you should discuss her honesty about your relationship and where she feels it is going. That includes meeting your parents and telling them about her children along with meeting her friends.

Answer by migamw
First,there shouldnt be any reason why youre parents shouldnt know,because lets face it,they will always be there for you even if in the event of something bad,she isnt.They need to know soon.Second,if you are feeling that something isnt right and know she is use to wealthy men,then maybe thats why you havent met any of her friends.Which is really crappy if she honestly cares for you.If you make her happy money should not be important.In my case I was a divorced single mom,with 2 kids and a fiance 10 years younger and I sometimes felt guilty that he was in such chaos and considered letting him go and told him to find someone not in such a mess,but he chose to stay.Sounds like you need to sit down and put it all out on the table.Getting in a relationship with someone with kids is difficult,but can be rewarding if you have the patience and love.If you have to deal with the ex that is another thing all together.Good luck with this!!

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