HomeChild SupportWhat are my rights when dealing with child support?
Posted in Child Support on 9th October 2011

What are my rights when dealing with child support?
So here the nitty gritty of my situation:

My cousin (who was also my sister’s best friend at one time) messed around with my husband (prior to our actual marriage), at the time he was my boyfriend of 4 years. She got pregnant and told my boyfriend (aka husband) that she didn’t care if he was involved, she just wanted a child. I was kept in the dark about all of this up until just a year ago, the child is almost 3!! I had no clue and he told me about all of this as we were planning our wedding. I was completely devastated and even contemplated taking my own life – but I still married him. I eventually became more rational and now I am trying to heal my broken heart and hurt pride and dignity.

From the start, my husband has maintained that he brought it to her attention that he is willing to give her full custody but that if the child should need anything in the way of food, clothes, toys, or just general spending money that he is more than willing to acknowledge his financial responsibility. She told him that she didn’t need money and left it at that, never contacted him once and that was back in May of 2008.

Recently she contacted my husband and said “Take him on the weekends or pay child support”. So he wrote to her and informed her that he can’t take him on the weekends until the child gets a little older (my husband and the child have never met by the way), but she says “No it’s now or never”. So my husband says “Well I am not in the position to assume custody right now, my wife and the child need time to adjust to all of this. I will start sending him money as soon as I get job, but in the meantime, my parents are willing to do that all you have to do is ask”. Well, by this point she’s feeling pretty scorned so she says “Take him or I am taking “her” to court for her wages, since you guys are married I can still take her to court”. The child is not mine and I didn’t even know about him until he was already two, I have never met nor laid eyes on this child. Can a Canadian court really take MY money in the matter?

I just wanted to add that I have no problems with this child, all I asked was for there to be a third party in any visitation arrangements they decided. I wrote her an email and explained that this has nothing to do with the child and that when the time comes, when he chooses to come see his dad, he is absolutely more than welcome in our home. I just wanted to make that clear before anyone accuses me of being a bad person, I truly feel bad that this child is being thrown around like a pawn in some sick game. I only hope that one day he will know we did what was best for him.

But can she really do that? Take him to court for money without a DNA test OR take ME to court to pay HER child support? I don’t even know what the child looks like!!!
Thank you for your feedback, it really helps!

Best answer(s):

Answer by Bio hopeful
wow, is your husbands name on the birth cert.? id demand a DNA test for sure. I dont see how she can get money from you. She sounds like a psycho
good luck!

Answer by His Angelbaby
I’m not sure about Canada, but here in the U.S the spouse is not financially responsible for a child that is not theirs. She is mad and obviously jealous and is trying to cause you problems. He needs to get a DNA test done, she doesn’t sound like she is the most trustworthy person in the world!!

Good luck, your a better person than me, i’m not sure I could have married him…

Answer by neonlights1971
I’d say that you wanted proof first off that this child was biogical your now husbund I’d make it clear that you want to take it to court, I mean what do you have to loose other than your income I do believe because your married its income of the house.. DNA First!

Answer by jake b
I believe the courts could order a DNA test. As far as child support goes, it would all depend on who the judge is and what kind of a day he or she’s had. Speaking from friends and families experiences. Sounds to me like she didn’t know how much of a responsibility, being a single parent, would be, when she said she just wanted a child. The statements she made in the beginning about not wanting support and him not being involved, are strong enough statements that they should have been documented. But hind sight is 20/20

Answer by happyhousewife
If his excepted that the child is his then more then likely he is. But if you want her to prove it then order a DNA test for sure. As for going after your money. I don’t think she can regardless of where she si or you are. She can request that he pay more child support but even then it’s base on his income not yours. Lots of women seem to think they can get support from a third party but it’s not true. What if you two got divorce? She can’t take your money. Tell her if she wants money then she needs to set up a DNA test to prove his the father. And she will be responsible for all charges since she’s the one make the accusation. But ask your husband if he knows for sure the child is his. Don’t do anything without his consent.

Answer by donotbuyakia
Whether you know what the child looks like is completely irrelevant. Don’t get hung up on meaningless details. She can not take your money for child support. You have no part and no say in this, so stay out of it and stop writing e mails. Three is plenty old enough for you to have him on weekends. Most fathers get the children when they are infants. So start taking him for every other weekend visitation. She wants some freedom to have a life, something she didn’t consider when she got pregnant. Your husband needs to be spending time with this child. The psychological damage done to a child who does not have regular contact with his father is well documented throughout the medical journals. It’s time for your husband to take responsibility for his actions. He needs to start being a father, whether he is ready or not.

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