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Posted in Working Mothers on 25th April 2012

The way children see things?
Willys cynical thought for the day;

I have no idea what the formula for success is, but I do know the guaranteed recipe for failure; try to fugging please everybody!

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”  

HONESTY My son George, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. George stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.”  

OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”  

KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “It’s the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother. Then she added , “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”  

MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”  

ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”  

DRESS- UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.” “And why not, darling?” “You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.”  

DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, the minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn … and into the hole he gooooes.”  

SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”  

BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I found”, the boy called out.” What have you got there, dear?” With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”  

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/
From; Willys Jokes archives! Best Damn Jokes anywhere!!!!

Best answer(s):

Answer by Tori_AnGeL821
OMG,that’s so funny!!!!!

Answer by Reddbone*Wifey68
Nice………………

Answer by king_of_hyrule
Wow, way too much reading.

Answer by Ever Wolf
You spoiled it with the disclosure, but thanks for the honesty and chuckles.

Here I thought I was reading something that should be recorded and published? Sill me,,,it already has been.

In any case thanks,,,smiles. It was a generous effort on your part, and brightened an otherwise gray day,,, Though Aldara was my Sun,,,PING.

Answer by pilar
Absolutely fantastic. The most amusing stories i have read in a long time 🙂

Answer by Dragonfly
Those were great! The best I’ve heard in a while!

Answer by Rachel E.
Hehehehe, those are funny, and very true….

Answer by chinacat14
Thanks for sharing, you brightened up my Friday afternoon.

Answer by giddy_me
😉 Great laugh. Kids do say the darnest things.

Answer by mysweetadrina
Kids are so funny! My godson told me when he was 4 or 5 that I was ancient. (I was only 18) I asked him if he thought I was ancient what about his mother (she is 8 years older then me)? He said “I’m surprised she’s still alive.”

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