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I am the Maid of Honor in my cousins wedding, but her fiance dislikes me?

Posted in Babysitting on 26th March 2014

I am the Maid of Honor in my cousins wedding, but her fiance dislikes me?
I am the MOH in my cousins wedding, but her fiance has recently decided to dislike me because we went out for her 21st birthday (I’m 25) about 6 months ago and she got pretty drunk. He saw it as me being the older one should have not let her drink so much, I saw it as she’s 21, i’ll let her have a good time, I made sure she got home safe and all of that. (he and i haven’t had a real fight, he just says things to her that are nasty about me) I’m not sure what the real reason is for him to dislike me, but I feel super strange about being the MOH in a wedding when the groom dislikes me. I love my cousin, but it’s taking a lot of time, effort, and money to be in this wedding, not to mention throwing all of the events (showers and parties). I’m not sure how to do all of this tastefully and all the while know that he really dislikes me. How do you give a speech at the wedding and all of that. Should i back down from the commitment, the wedding is in 3 months…help!

Best answer(s):

Answer by Perse
You need to have an adult conversation with the groom where you can get any feelings out on the table and work through them. If this is an impossible task, you may then want to consider resigning from your position.

Answer by ekbaby83
It’s an honor to be asked to be the MOH and I think you should be the bigger person and gracefully help with planning the wedding. I didn’t care for our best man, but he is still my husband’s best friend and I accepted that and what he means to my husband. The groom will understand that you were asked because you are close to his bride and if he loves his bride then it doesn’t matter who she has standing up for her at the wedding. As far as the speech goes, keep it simple. I had only met my best friend’s groom twice before I was MOH (and one of those times was at my own wedding when she was my maid of honor). So I tailored the speech towards my friend. I said something like I’ve known my best friend almost my whole life and I’ve seen her in failed relationships and I’ve seen her when she’s happy and when she talks about her groom I can tell she is truly the happiest and I wish them a lifetime together filled with the happiness in their hearts right now. As for the wedding, I’m assuming you’ve already paid for some things so don’t back down now. Also if he’s upset with you because of his fiance coming home drunk on her 21st birthday then maybe he needs some marriage counseling before the big day (it’s not too late) so they don’t have control issues later on. Your cousin is an adult and can decide how much to drink on her 21st birthday, maybe point out that because she’s 21 (and I’m assuming he’s close in age to her) that marriage counseling might not be a bad idea. Hope this helps.

Answer by baymast13
It’s up to the bride to resolve this. You can tell her you are willing to step down if it’s making things awkward, but I wouldn’t bail on her. If she wants you to continue on with it, just carry on as though he liked you. After all, you don’t have to have that much interaction with him.

Answer by Jenny Lynne
You say he has recently decided to dislike you, so I am assuming he liked you before. Normally, I would tell you to ignore him or tell him to go jump in a lake. That said, me being older, this time why don’t you talk to him in private, ask him what’s the matter and apologize for letting her get drunk (nothing wrong with this) but start out as you mean to go on. This is your cousin and if she loves you enough to choose you as her MOH, then I would swallow my pride this time and do the right thing. You will, I suppose, be seeing him in future family get togethers. He needs to grow up, but Be the better person!!

Answer by h
I would have a sit down conversation with your cousin. Why isn’t she supporting you on this? Why is she letting him bash you that way? She’s marrying him not you and since you’re family and have been since day 1 she should talk to her fiance about what’s going on. If that doesn’t work then I’d suggest all three of you talk. Since it’s 3 months til their wedding day you’re cutting it pretty close with dropping out of it but if you don’t want to have the MOH role then you need to tell her ASAP.

Answer by haute.pepper
You’ve already made the commitment to your cousin and it would be unfair to back out now. I’m sure your cousin is a lovely woman, but it seems to me that she has some maturity issues to work out. She should have immediately reminded her fiance that she is a grown woman responsible for her own behavior. It’s not up to anyone else to “let” her do anything. Also, it sounds from your post like the fiance isn’t taking up the issue with you, but with her. Why is she stirring the pot by telling you what he’s saying? It’s only serving to upset you and bring tension into the wedding and the family. Unless he wants to confront you directly, I would grin and bear it through the wedding planning. Do you really care what this guy thinks? You’re not the one marrying him and be glad of that. If he does raise the subject with you, tell him politely that you are not responsible for someone elses behavior and ask him if he plans to “babysit” his wife for the rest of her life and take responsibility for the mistakes she makes. It’s a ridiculous notion.
He overreacted to the situation to begin with but why is he holding such a grudge 6 months after the fact? Sounds like the problem is his controlling behavior. Good luck with this.

Answer by Libby
Too bad your cousin’s fiance sees her as a child who needs to be taken care of by others, rather than an adult woman capable of making her own decisions. That’s going to cause them problems later.

If you’re comfortable enough, I think you should say, “Look, dude, I’m busting my a** for your wedding, and it’s costing me a lot of money, so the least you could do is drop the attitude. A ‘thank you’ would be nice, too. So let’s act like adults, shall we?”

Answer by Avis B
YOU should never participate in a wedding that will make you feel unhappy or uncomfortable or angry.

Since the wedding is only three months away, I’m sure you have already invested a substantial amount of money into it (wedding attire, shoes, gifts, etc) so just walking away is not the answer UNLESS the Groom becomes more rude and aggressive, and then you have every right to walk away.

So how do you propose a toast “to the happy couple?” You keep it short and simple. If a wedding toast is longer than two minutes, it is too long. Just wish them the best, raise your glass in celebration and then sit down.

Personally, I would keep as far away as possible from the Groom at the reception because if he is drinking you are not going to have a nice day, and he really does not care.

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer by Spindrift
He is being very childish and more than a little controlling, one, your cousin is not a child and you are not her mother, she is just a few years younger than you and old enough to drink responsibly and two, he has no right to be such an asshole, three, you need to confront him and talk it out, tell him you are more than aware of his animosity and his mean spirited gossip about you over nothing and ask him point blank how he feels about you being in the wedding. If he gives you any negative response at all, then you should withdraw, and frankly, I would not even attend the wedding and I’d make sure the cousin knew what sort of idiot she is marrying.

the bible said to honor thy father and thy mother, but why did Jesus address his mother only as “woman”?

Posted in Working Mothers on 7th March 2014

the bible said to honor thy father and thy mother, but why did Jesus address his mother only as “woman”?
instead of “mother” when he was talking to her, both at the wedding at Cana and at the cross?
pink, are you saying that your own mother is only just a woman, too, that don’t deserve your respect or anyone else’s?
don’t = doesn’t

Best answer(s):

Answer by ludamad
Remember, the bible is heavily translated. You have no idea of the initial connotation.

Answer by pinkstealth
To connect the dots, she IS only a woman. Unfortunately the Catholics have made sooo much more of her.

He did take care of His mother (as seen at the cross) but He also made it known in a profound way that she WAS human. He was not. She is NOT the mother of God, in any way. She was blessed of all women to be be selected for the Savior’s birth. But God is still God. And SHE is NOT His mother !

perdersen5…AMEN

Answer by Kenzie
It was a sign of respect. Mary wasn’t just his Mother, but was a great woman. But, it was a sign of respect.

Answer by pedersen5
Mark Lowry said it best, if you’re going to call your mother “woman”, you BETTER be God!

Answer by Mephisto
Do as your told, not as you see.
That is the Christian way.

Answer by patrone07
First off, Jesus never sinned and obeyed the 10 commandments the most perfect way.

Jesus (The New Adam) refers to his beloved mother as “woman”, becuase he is referring to her as the New Eve! The Blessed Virgin Mary is the “woman” prophecized in Genesis 3:15 that would crush the head of the serpent! God bless!

Answer by Joe Bloe
Before the gospels were written, Churches tried to gain esteem by declaring a close association with members of Jesus’ family.

The gospel writers overcame the problem by suggesting that such family associations were nothing special – and that even Jesus was not overly impressed by them.

Answer by peter c
God said “women” at the Wedding of Cana, and He said “woman” while dying on the cross. The beginning and the end of his of His earthly ministry.

God said “woman” in Genesis 3:15, and He said “woman” in Rev. 12: >> The only two places in scripture where you have a woman and a serpent in the same verse. Genesis and Revelation, the beginning and the end of the Bible.

“Woman” is a two fold title. Culturally, it was an honorary term at that time, not a derogatory one as in 21st white Anglo-Saxon American culture.

There are other biblical references that uses “woman” as they refer to Mary.

Rev 12:15 The serpent poured water like a river out of his mouth after the **woman**, to sweep her away with the flood. 16 But the earth came to the help of the **woman**, and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed the river which the dragon had poured from his mouth.
17 Then the dragon was angry with the **woman**, and went off to make war ON THE REST OF HER OFFSPRING, on those who keep the commandments of God and bear testimony to Jesus. And he stood on the sand of the sea..

Who could these OFFSPRING be? Ever commentator worth his salt will tell you that these offspring are the Church. How did the Blessed Virgin Mom become the Mother of the Church?

John 19:26 When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, **Woman**, behold thy son! 27 Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home.

The experiences of the “Beloved Disciple” (BD) were the focus of John’s Gospel. He is an ‘everyman’ character. St. John’s Gospel is told in such a way that the reader can identify himself with the BD and is meant to see the story of Jesus from the BD’s perspective. Whatever is addressed to the BD is addressed to the reader.

So we have established that:
1) Mary is the Mother of Jesus
2) Whose children are the Church that keeps the commandments AND honors her Son
3) Who himself explicitly designated her as the Mother of his disciples.

Answer by squirt AM VA VT
lol Pink. Go read your bible. Something’s showing and it might embarrass you.

Answer by Bill
the expression “what have I to do with you?” This is apparently a common Jewish idiom that appears a number of times in the Bible. For example, at 2 Samuel 16:10, we find David stopping Abishai from killing Shimei by saying: “What do I have to do with you men, you sons of Zeruiah? Thus let him call down evil, because Jehovah himself has said to him, ‘Call down evil upon David!’” Likewise, we read at 1 Kings 17:18 that the widow of Zarephath, upon finding that her son had died, said to Elijah: “What do I have to do with you, O man of the true God? You have come to me to bring my error to mind and to put my son to death.”

From these Bible examples, we can see that the expression “what have I to do with you?” is often used, not to show disdain or arrogance, but to refuse involvement in some proposed or suggested action or to express a difference in viewpoint or opinion.

Jesus’ reply, “What have I to do with you, woman?” is an ancient form of question that indicates an objection to what is suggested or proposed. Why does Jesus object to Mary’s words? Well, he is now 30 years of age. Just a few weeks earlier, he was baptized, anointed with holy spirit, and introduced by John the Baptizer as “the Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world.” Now his direction must necessarily come from the Supreme Authority who sent him. (1 Corinthians 11:3) No one, not even a close family member, could be allowed to interfere with the work Jesus came to earth to do. What determination to do his Father’s will is expressed in Jesus’ answer to Mary!

Regarding the term “woman,” Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words notes: “Used in addressing a woman, it is a term not of reproof or severity, but of endearment or respect.” Other sources agree with this. For example, The Anchor Bible says: “This is not a rebuke, nor an impolite term, nor an indication of a lack of affection. It was Jesus’ normal, polite way of addressing women.” The New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology explains that the word “is used as an address with no irreverent secondary meaning.” And Gerhard Kittel’s Theological Dictionary of the New Testament says that such usage “is in no way disrespectful or derogatory.” Thus, we should not conclude that Jesus was being rude or unkind to his mother in addressing her by the term “woman.”