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What are my rights when dealing with child support?

Posted in Child Support on 9th October 2011

What are my rights when dealing with child support?
So here the nitty gritty of my situation:

My cousin (who was also my sister’s best friend at one time) messed around with my husband (prior to our actual marriage), at the time he was my boyfriend of 4 years. She got pregnant and told my boyfriend (aka husband) that she didn’t care if he was involved, she just wanted a child. I was kept in the dark about all of this up until just a year ago, the child is almost 3!! I had no clue and he told me about all of this as we were planning our wedding. I was completely devastated and even contemplated taking my own life – but I still married him. I eventually became more rational and now I am trying to heal my broken heart and hurt pride and dignity.

From the start, my husband has maintained that he brought it to her attention that he is willing to give her full custody but that if the child should need anything in the way of food, clothes, toys, or just general spending money that he is more than willing to acknowledge his financial responsibility. She told him that she didn’t need money and left it at that, never contacted him once and that was back in May of 2008.

Recently she contacted my husband and said “Take him on the weekends or pay child support”. So he wrote to her and informed her that he can’t take him on the weekends until the child gets a little older (my husband and the child have never met by the way), but she says “No it’s now or never”. So my husband says “Well I am not in the position to assume custody right now, my wife and the child need time to adjust to all of this. I will start sending him money as soon as I get job, but in the meantime, my parents are willing to do that all you have to do is ask”. Well, by this point she’s feeling pretty scorned so she says “Take him or I am taking “her” to court for her wages, since you guys are married I can still take her to court”. The child is not mine and I didn’t even know about him until he was already two, I have never met nor laid eyes on this child. Can a Canadian court really take MY money in the matter?

I just wanted to add that I have no problems with this child, all I asked was for there to be a third party in any visitation arrangements they decided. I wrote her an email and explained that this has nothing to do with the child and that when the time comes, when he chooses to come see his dad, he is absolutely more than welcome in our home. I just wanted to make that clear before anyone accuses me of being a bad person, I truly feel bad that this child is being thrown around like a pawn in some sick game. I only hope that one day he will know we did what was best for him.

But can she really do that? Take him to court for money without a DNA test OR take ME to court to pay HER child support? I don’t even know what the child looks like!!!
Thank you for your feedback, it really helps!

Best answer(s):

Answer by Bio hopeful
wow, is your husbands name on the birth cert.? id demand a DNA test for sure. I dont see how she can get money from you. She sounds like a psycho
good luck!

Answer by His Angelbaby
I’m not sure about Canada, but here in the U.S the spouse is not financially responsible for a child that is not theirs. She is mad and obviously jealous and is trying to cause you problems. He needs to get a DNA test done, she doesn’t sound like she is the most trustworthy person in the world!!

Good luck, your a better person than me, i’m not sure I could have married him…

Answer by neonlights1971
I’d say that you wanted proof first off that this child was biogical your now husbund I’d make it clear that you want to take it to court, I mean what do you have to loose other than your income I do believe because your married its income of the house.. DNA First!

Answer by jake b
I believe the courts could order a DNA test. As far as child support goes, it would all depend on who the judge is and what kind of a day he or she’s had. Speaking from friends and families experiences. Sounds to me like she didn’t know how much of a responsibility, being a single parent, would be, when she said she just wanted a child. The statements she made in the beginning about not wanting support and him not being involved, are strong enough statements that they should have been documented. But hind sight is 20/20

Answer by happyhousewife
If his excepted that the child is his then more then likely he is. But if you want her to prove it then order a DNA test for sure. As for going after your money. I don’t think she can regardless of where she si or you are. She can request that he pay more child support but even then it’s base on his income not yours. Lots of women seem to think they can get support from a third party but it’s not true. What if you two got divorce? She can’t take your money. Tell her if she wants money then she needs to set up a DNA test to prove his the father. And she will be responsible for all charges since she’s the one make the accusation. But ask your husband if he knows for sure the child is his. Don’t do anything without his consent.

Answer by donotbuyakia
Whether you know what the child looks like is completely irrelevant. Don’t get hung up on meaningless details. She can not take your money for child support. You have no part and no say in this, so stay out of it and stop writing e mails. Three is plenty old enough for you to have him on weekends. Most fathers get the children when they are infants. So start taking him for every other weekend visitation. She wants some freedom to have a life, something she didn’t consider when she got pregnant. Your husband needs to be spending time with this child. The psychological damage done to a child who does not have regular contact with his father is well documented throughout the medical journals. It’s time for your husband to take responsibility for his actions. He needs to start being a father, whether he is ready or not.

Talking To Toddlers – Dealing With Toddler Behavior

Posted in Toddlers on 29th August 2011

Talking To Toddlers – Dealing With Toddler Behavior

Article by Chris Jensen

There are many cases where parents would want to change how their toddlers behave but they just seem to have a hard time trying to figure out where they should start. Dealing with toddler behavior can indeed be quite challenging that many parents have sought the help of experts. But what about those who cannot afford to take lessons in how to effectively deal with toddlers?Click Here For Talking To Toddlers Instant Access Now!Parents who are having a hard time with toddlers need not worry much if they know where to start with dealing with toddler behavior. The first thing that parents should remember is that logic does not always work with toddlers. So if they want to get their messages across, they might want to consider using language patterns to help create change in their young ones. Another simple yet effective way of dealing with toddlers is through telling them a story. You need not have an entire library of story books – you simply need to deliver a brief story to your toddler. Remember that anyone can relate to a story, even toddlers. You can come up with your own story that can easily capture the attention and imagination of your young one. But you need to remember that your story must contain the message that you want to put across to your child.In delivering your story, try to be as detailed as possible but not too detailed that even you cannot keep track of the different elements in your story. It does not matter if the point of your story is pretty obvious – toddlers would be able to absorb the concepts better if you give the point of your story in an obvious manner.Telling stories and the use of language are only two of the many simple ways of dealing with toddler behavior. The main key here is capturing the attention of your young one.Click Here For Talking To Toddlers Instant Access Now!

About the Author

This author writes about How To Deal With Toddler at How To Deal With Toddlers

Dealing with a filipino auntie?

Posted in Working Mothers on 19th January 2011

Dealing with a filipino auntie?
My aunt on my mom’s side of the family. Recently, decided she wanted to immigrate – meaning moving in with my mother and me. The relation I have is very strenuous with my relatives because I grew up with these people.

It was decided “by them”. when I was younger that mothers relatives should bring me up in the because she was a single parent. From my understanding it meant also “increasing in the monthly allowance” she sends – to help with my upkeep. after a few years I manage to persuade my mother to take be back – it was better for me to be with her. Just to say those years weren’t the best.

Having graduated college recently by working two night job to put myself through it. My aunt the main one responsible for that decision for me to be left in the Philippines.Its her time to migrate and to live with me and my mother.Knowing the strained feelings for those relatives especially her. Again she moved herself in and pressuring my mother not to tell me. until she was in the country and in the house. I only found out when I came home from work.

This caused a lost of trouble between me and mother.first not being told about it. secondly, nothing that I could do about either throw her out onto the streets or pay for her to go back to the Philippines. Having hesitantly accepting her to move in after a month she begins throwing her weight about.

I’ve bitten my tongue until recently after graduating and still looking for a decent graduate job. She’s started to float the idea – “That am old enough to move out after graduating with no decent job. in order, to make more room for her children come live her and my mother.” Again putting a lot of pressure on my mother who seems unable to say no to her. here reasoning to me is always “Utang Na Loob” for her older sister.

I just don’t know on how to deal with this aunt. If i react it’ll be either me moving out or my mother throwing her own sister out. Any advice dealing with this relative would be welcomed…
She moved in about few months ago and looking for work.No she doesn’t pay any rent….

Best answer(s):

Answer by Matt T
Give her a second chance.

Who knows, she might have took steps to be a better person than what she was in the past.

Answer by C A
She should be ashamed of herself. Is she working at all? If yes she should find an apartment for her and her kids. Your mom is too nice and afraid to tell her sister but she doesn’t see that it bothers you.

You need to talk with your mom and tell her how you feel. How can you move out without a job? Is your aunt going to pay for you expenses?

Your aunt is taking advantage of your mom she needs to stop. Is she paying rent?

Answer by Phoenix
It would be best if you let your mother know your thoughts regarding this matter. Perhaps if both of you could exchange ideas on how to settle this problem in a more civilize manner rather than hurting each others feelings.

Somehow, your mother is caught between you her child and your Aunt, her sister.

Reach a compromise with your mother and you both take it from there.

Answer by Beetlle
That’s a really difficult situation. I agree with Matt T., that she should be given a chance to change her attitude, and at the same time to let your mom appease her feeling of gratitude towards her older sister.

but let it be known that your mom is still the head of the household and should be treated as such, just like how your mom treated her older sister when you were living with her. I’m sure you and your mom had to stick to her rules since you were under her roof, and I think your aunt should extend the same courtesy to you and your mom now that she is living under yours.

Let her know that you don’t have to leave your house if you don’t want to. And I think that the idea of you moving out just to make room for her kids is ridiculous. Did she throw out her own kid on the street to make room for you? I think not.

Answer by @@love@@
Hi, first in my honest opinion, she doesn’t has the right to tell whether you have to move out or stay in your mother’s house,the decision should be between you and your mother. Your mother can still recognize her “utang na loob” in some other ways, like letting her stay in your house without asking any financial help from her. I guess you have to have a one on one and heart to heart talk with your mother, open up your feelings with her so you would be able to fully/completely deal with your concerned and anxieties and able to come up with a considerable decision that could benefit you, your mother and your auntie.

Answer by brecht
I’ve dealt with this kind of people before. I know exactly what you mean by how your aunt tries to make your mother feel guilty. My parents were treated like this before and I know from experience that people like them, will never change. Partly because they can’t support themselves, and this is just one of their ways to go around that. Your aunt just basically wants your mother to support her cause she can’t do it herself. Culture in the Philippines really is different from my understanding, like you can’t just abandon family. In US, things don’t work that way, you cant just demand something to your siblings, otherwise they can cut you off.
But anyway, when I was in this situation, I really couldn’t do anything. I mean, I can’t decide for my parents, probably the same for you. I just ignored them. Trust me this will past, when you start making good money of your own, it is up to you whether you want to forgive them or not. In my case, I did forgive but I never let them push me around. If they do, they wont receive a dime from me again.

Answer by Parferio Sarajena
Like most Filipino relathieves, your auntie is a blood sucker leach parasite. You already know it. Now I suppose you will “violate” me because I tell the truth and confirm what you already know. Get away from that kind of people or you will never make progress yourself. You will all end up broke and poor. Fili

Answer by bong62
this problem of yours wouldn’t have happened if only your mother can stand her ground as who has more authority in that house, your aunt seems used to having her way with your mother..so the problem can be solved only by your mother and she better have good decisions as to the fate of you two depends on her

Answer by ignorante
you have no choice but to be rude try putting up house rules its normal. occasionally create an argument with her. just to let her know that you will not be bent easily. make them feel inferior

but never throw your aunt out of the house until she can afford a place of her own that is not how you treat a family

and for me there is no such thing as utang na loob with in the family your mother should lose that idea.

Answer by MaxiMont
Try being a bitch. You’re a grown up now. Please, stop taking shit from that aunt of yours.