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Is a marriage of convenience better than being divorced with a child?

Posted in Working Mothers on 23rd October 2011

Is a marriage of convenience better than being divorced with a child?
It is not uncommon for wives who don’t work outside the home and haven’t for years to stay tied to their husbands who provide for them and their child. There is a certain level of comfort in being a housewife. It is not uncommon for such people to sleep in separate bedrooms and have their own life but yet connect as a family. I can imagine a woman who is accustomed to being supported will have a difficult time with a separation. She imagines her salary at starting an entry level job would cause her to be “less of a generous mother” because the time she devotes to her son/house would then be compromised by a job. She would have to get a smaller house. Currently, with her husband a man she don’t love and realizes she never did thus feeling trapped into the “desire” to make the family appear okay for the sake of the kids. Just looking for some constructive input on this matter?

Best answer(s):

Answer by DisneyLover
no.

Answer by master_der_man
Do what the two of you can agree with.

Answer by ladylunamina
No, staying with a guy your not in love with doenst help your child. I tried to stay with my daughters dad, and it was just sad

Answer by Nicole
I don’t know.
I suppose it would work out better financially for everyone. Better life for the child, if both parents aren’t abusive in any way.

I would only marry for love though, just the way I am.

Answer by live*laugh*love
No, it’s not a good idea. Though your thoughts are only with the child (good start), the child will ony grow up in an environment of “fake love”. And this can never turn out well… this will also cause other problems, like a domino effect and will ruin your life, but also the childs. Teach your child to love when he/she is sure the feeling’s well… but for now you just can’t do that. My best suggestion is to keep the child in the same house… and instead the parents move from house to house to see the child. After all, it’s not the childs fault that this happened to them.

Anyway, if this is you… good luck getting through your divorce.

Answer by Lore
Sounds like you are content not working and being a house wife. I do not know which is worse a marriage of pretense or lying to your children about it. There are more women in present and past that stayed with their husbands to make life good for the kids and ended up staying with their spouses even after the children grew up and left home. I guess it comes down to how much is one willing to take.

Answer by contemplating
Kids will eventually sense that you’re not happy. The relationship you have is a model for your children…what do you hope they will have for a relationship?
The income thing is not as bad as most people make it out to be. Get yourself though college (4-years), and you can start at >$ 50k if you make money your priority (or you actually like work that tends to generate money). The 4 years and the loans are worth that — plus while you’re a student you have a more flexible schedule with your children and the government will make sure none of you do without.

Answer by soft b
i would suggest you get counseling…….. your child senses or knows things are not Right also…………. unhappiness also leads to many things like illness………. and i think you and your child deserve much BETTER than what you have now.. Look into your heart….and think of you and your child…….. what’s improtant to you? being miserable? or working through it and eventually coming out happy and at peace for you and your child?
if you suffer, your child suffers also……..and you both DESERVE the best life has to offer.

Answer by Layla B
I am a child of a mother who divorced my father. yoyour child will be mad at u for a while…and when u find a new person..they will never like him…I mean..he may be a nice guy…but she/he will hate him…just because he is not THEIRS. But…it is WAY better for ur child to see u happy with someone else rather than unhappy with their father/mother. Please take this advice when I tell u: If u are going to divorce do it right, and find a GREAT man that you will STAY Either this time. Don’t look for a guy either….Just WAIT.
Take this from me: I know what it’s like

Answer by Becky F
I wonder what the child thinks, what they know? How is the atmosphere? Divorce is hardest on the kids. I wouldn’t wish it on my dog. Satan loves it when he can break up a family. Love is a funny thing. Just when you think it’s died, it can be rekindled. Assuming her husband is a good man and father she needs to find something that makes her happy. She could change husbands, but then you’ve just changed one problem for another. You need to work on the problem at hand and fix that. Does she respect him? Why did she marry him in the first place? Surely there had to be something there in the begining? Counseling couldn’t hurt…