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Why should I continue to pay her child support?

Posted in Child Support on 30th June 2012

Why should I continue to pay her child support?
Okay, some now some may detest my feelings or some may identify with the way that I feel. But I have not seen my child in almost 5 years since; after hurricane Katrina, and I hardly get to talk to her. Furthermore, all I get from the mother is broken promises that my child will get to spend a summer with me out here in Washington. I am so sick and tired of this and I’m feeling as though I’m being walked over. It’s not right that my ex is resents me for my actions of 12 years ago. I tried explaining my situation to my local child support enforecement agency and the only thing that I get is, “You still have to pay your child support.” It appears as if the only thing the system is concerned about is getting their portion of the money. However, I have had enough. Therefore, I have begun withholding payments. Oh! and guess what, now I am getting sure promises that I will be able to have my child for the summer. I have already explained to my child’s mother that until she allows me to be apart of my child’s life, I will continue to withhold child support payments. No matter what the cost to me may be. I do hate to resolve to such matter for I am well aware of the consequences, but I just can’t continue to accept this. Can anyone offer any kind of advice. I don’t like to be a mean person, but no more Mr. Nice Guy.
I would llike to add that I do have visitation rights stimming from 2001. But my VR have long been grossly ignored. Also, for anyone who desires to belittle me or call me names. Please be mindful that you don’t know me neither my situation. I’m am only seeking advice for more brains are better than one. Plus, it feels good to vent frustration and to have somebody to talk to. However, thanks kindly for the input.

Best answer(s):

Answer by A
Nothing to do with being a nice guy. Your child needs to eat whether you see her or not. Pay it.

Answer by Jeff H
Take it back to court and have visits mandated by a judge, then she will be in trouble if she doesn’t comply.

Whatever you do if you withhold payments document it very well otherwise you may be the one in trouble, especially if your payments were mandated by the courts.

Answer by Fitz
The child support is for your child (regardless of what the ex does with it, trust me I sympathize). How are you going to explain to your child in the future that you turned your back financially because you were mad at mom? I know that’s not the reality of it … but that’s how your child will see it some day. Is that what you want?

Answer by kenoplayer
Hold your ground. Tell your ex, after you have had a visit from your child, she will get a one lump payment of whatever is owed up to that point.

Answer by Greg
That’s you kid at least you are trying to be a part of your child’s life. I think you can get in alot of trouble if you don’t pay child support. Go to court either get custody of your child or make sure you get mandatory visit dates.

Answer by Kelle
You are not giving any money to the Agency.

You are not giving any money th the Mother.

You are giving money to your child for food, heat, shelter etc….
Would you deny this to your child?
Think of it that way.

Sounds like the Mother is not encouraging contact with you from the child.
Assuming you are a decent guy, this is sad.

It will bite her in the a.. sooner or later. When kids like this become around 15 they take off to have a relationship with Dad. Moms are much wiser to let this happen under their care then later.

Please pay regularly. I work at the jail. we don’t need any more guys who don’t pay.

Give it time. What goes around , comes around. 🙂

Answer by BreadCollision
Honestly I do understand your frustration but you have to realize that your actions are punishing your innocent child. Do you want to alienate your child, or your ex?

Be noble. Be right. Be moral. That child is yours, despite what the stupid mother does or does not do. If you do the right thing (support your child), if any of this ends up in court, you will be able to say YOU took the high road, and the NON-MANIPULATIVE road.

One day God will reward you for doing what’s right. In the future, this child’s goofy mom won’t be able to say you didn’t do the right thing. Do what is RIGHT, regardless of what the mother is doing.

What is more important to you – to have a leg-up on mom, or to be the right kind of dad?

Who do you love more? Your ego, or your child? If your answer is your child, then SUPPORT your child. Yes, I know you can’t control how your ex controls the money you send, but at least you’ll be able to prove you did your part.

Plus, if you don’t succumb to her manipulations, she can never say she had power over you. Just consistently do the right thing, month after month, and ignore her otherwise the best you can, and you will be able to hold your head up.

I believe in you, and I also understand your frustration. I have BEEN there, my friend.

Stay in touch. hollylooya@gmail.com

Romans 8:28
Jeremiah 29: 11
John 10: 10

Answer by NAT
The reason that child support enforcement doesn’t care about the fact that the mother is withholding visitation is because that is not their concern, their concern is for the welfare of your child, as you yourself should be. If you have a formal parenting plan filed with the state than she is in contempt of court and you have grounds to take her back to court for that. The legal system considers child support and child custody visitation two separate entities. No matter how hard you fight the system you will lose and so will your child. If your going to withhold CS than you will simply force her hand and she will be able to start garnishing your wages. Hopefully, your smart enough to stick that money that you have stopped paying in a place where you won’t spend it because you will definitely end up having to pay the piper so to speak in the end. If you don’t have a formal parenting plan on file I would also suggest that you begin there with getting some time with your kid and if you’ve already got it than stop moaning and groaning about what she will and will not let you do with your child and go get her on your scheduled time because as long as you’ve got the papers to prove that you’ve got a legal right to her the cops can’t stop you from taking her.

Answer by LorenaBob-It!
I hear ya. They don’t want the father to be a father to the child. They just want his money. Good luck, buddy! I would get a lawyer, or legal aid, and get visits scheduled with your child, that she will have no way denying.

Answer by daughter_of_God
If you haven’t seen your kid in almost five years, that is ALL your fault. If you haven’t been to court yet to set up court-ordered visitation, then do so. But if you have, then take your lawyer and go back to court seeking full custody of your child based on your ex refusing to produce your child for visitation. Also, have your lawyer ask the judge to have your child’s mother be placed in contempt-of-court for refusing to honor the visitation agreement. I am sure that a few days in jail will help her to understand her obligations to the sperm donor of her child.

And as for what you are doing now, you go ahead and explain to your child’s mother that you are continuing to withhold child support, but that has to be the STUPIDEST thing you can do. All she has to do is go back to court and have you slapped with contempt of court and you will lose your driver’s license and possibly even be jailed. Oh and don’t forget all that compound interest you will have to pay too!

You can’t even claim that you aren’t paying because you aren’t receiving visitation because the two are not related. And even if your ex is being a witch to you, your child still needs to be fed and have a roof over her head. So go ahead, be angry with your child’s mum and refuse to pay the child support, but you will be the one in jail, not her, and trust me, that isn’t worth it!

Finally, if you aren’t prepared to do things properly and go back to court to fight for visitation, then you don’t really want it so stop complaining. I can tell you that if this was my kid, there is no way I would let five years go by without seeing her. I would have dragged the child’s custodial parent into court after the first month of missed visits. Take care!

Accenture Finds Majority of Working Mothers Want to Continue Working

Posted in Working Mothers on 16th January 2011

Accenture Finds Majority of Working Mothers Want to Continue Working

An online study of more than 700 working mothers was made. According to the survey, 90% of the respondents said that if there were no hindrances, they would work full-time, part-time or even under a flex time management. Only 11% women declared that they would not work at all. Almost 69% of the respondents feel that women can “have it all.”

Jill Smart, Accenture’s chief human resources officer said that top employers are offering several innovative programs that facilitate their employees to balance their family and work commitments at the same time. He further said, “These companies understand that to meet the needs and realities of today’s workforce, they must offer employees choices across the lifecycle of their careers, providing new solutions at different points in employees’ lives.”

The three most frequently offered flexibility programs according to respondents are flex-time, part-time and a modified work week. Only 17% reports that no flex-programs are offered by their employers. The survey also found that almost 85% of respondent reports that their employers understand their child-care issues. Only 54% of working mother takes benefit of flex programs as often as they need to.

According to Carol Evans, CEO and president, Working Mother Media, “Accenture not only offers essential benefits like flextime and telecommuting-they go above and beyond with a range of best practices and policies to ease the difficulties for working parents and their families.”

Why do mothers continue to worry about their children even after they become fully mature?

Posted in Child Care on 29th November 2010

Why do mothers continue to worry about their children even after they become fully mature?
I understand that mothers care about their children and all, so that’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking, from a psychological or biological or evolutionary perspective, as a child, a human being cannot fend for itself, so it needs a mother’s care in order to survive. However, once a person has reached adulthood, they have all the natural capabilities to survive, so why does a mother’s “care” continue in the same manner, even into adulthood? What evolutionary purpose does it serve?
Hey people, this is psychology, so I’m not interested in your opinions or sob stories; I’m interested in scientific ideas. Thanks.

Best answer(s):

Answer by Sophia Z
2 Words : Maternal Instincts…

Answer by China
It just makes them feel good.At least thats what i think.

Answer by lois d
a mother is a mother no matter how old they are.

Answer by toko40351
maybe it’s an evolutionary glitch. like the brain of a mother is wired to be nurturing to her offspring but isn’t wired to ever stop

Answer by Kevin F
It’s a Parental Thing. Dad’s do it as well, at least I know that I do.

~

Answer by lisa k
because when you really need someone you need to be able to get that reliable nurturing from some safe place, and if you dont have mommy to go to, you may bottle it up and become a mass murderer or something ………in other words, who knows?

Answer by NY at heart
please…my grandma still thinks i am 4 yrs old…and i am 29, and married! parents still think of their kids as kids, even after they’ve grown. i doubt it has anything to do with science.

Answer by Xinyee
Its very simple,a mum,will always want their son/daughter to be safe,because they are Mum’s precious,unless you tell me that son/daughter is not mum’s own flesh/blood.

Answer by gigi
Not all mothers continue to obsess about their children. Some of us let them go a little at a time realizing that they are growing up and can and have to learn to do things on their own. The mothers that don’t let go do it for themselves not for the child.They need to feel needed. They are the ones that feel like their job is done when the child no longer needs them so they continue as if the child was a baby, or a young person. Some people appreciate this, because then they never have to do anything for themselves, and they like a servant, Some let their mothers do it just to appease them. Some get the guts and make their mothers realize that they are grown up and the mother must find some other past time until the grandchildren come along. Some kids never grow up and really need the parents forever and are lost once the parents are gone. So there is your answer. We are all different people and since not all mothers are like this, I simply explained the ones that are. The other ones are off having fun with life.

Answer by ABBY
This is a good question. I have a 20 year old who moved out at 18 because he did not want to follow our rules. We did not let girls sleep over, did not let him drink, he had to hold down a job…you get the picture. We told him as long as he lives with us he follows the rules, so he moves out. For the past 2 years I dont think I even slept a whole night. My nerves are shot, I worry about him 24/7. He moved out and rented rooms out to other friends and that is how he paid his bills. He did not want to work. Well, as you know with 5 teen agers living together, they had problems or didnt pay rent and so on. 4 of them moved out one by one. So my son had to get a job. Now he works 5 days a week and goes to college part time. He is learning how hard it is to live on your own. GREAT. But the problem I worry about is that he is always getting into something. He and some friends egged a few places in town, busted mail boxes, took road signs, etc. Now these are the things he is getting caught doing. He drives very fast and has got several speeding tickets and he dates girls that he should not date. I could go on and on…… I worry so much that he gets in major trouble or even hurt or killed. My husband also worries, we can not help worrying, he is our only kid. What can we do to not worry? Tell me how a mother stops worrying or loving our kids after they move out on their own????