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How do you deal with not having any children and how do you become content?

Posted in Working Mothers on 21st December 2010

How do you deal with not having any children and how do you become content?
I am just struggling with some circumstances beyond my control and as a results of these incidents medically and finacilly I am not able to have children. I know my husband and I had to do what we had to do in this situation, but there are times I feel like I am being singled out and punished by God. I am married almost 13 years.

I know as christians we are to love oneanother but I know a lot of single mothers who have children out of marriage and to them it is a game like no big deal. They think it is “playing house” and cool that they get to name the baby.
Many of these “mothers” are on welfare and SSI.

For a couple of years all together my husband and I were working 3 jobs just so we could have a little extra for speical things.

I was told this is something that you get through but never get over.

We cant afford to adopt and we are not able to stay home and watch a baby. If we dont work we dont eat.

Keep me in prayer and thank you and God bless you.

Best answer(s):

Answer by nice girl 🙂
Encourager,

I so know how you feel. I’m in the same place right now, and it is heartbreaking. It was especaially hard when I used to work for Headstart and I would teach all of these children whose parents were younger than me and in their teens, and here I am barren and broke.

I get through it by trusting in God, and you can too. I’ve prayed and struggled with God for years and I have learned to trust Him and count myself blessed anyway.

There were lots of barren women in the Bible that God blessed with children. For example God promised Abram thta his children would be like the number of grains of sand on the desert, but his wife Sarah was barren. Not to mention Abram was 100 years ols and Sara was 99 (I think). But God still opened her womb and she had a child. Later, her grandson Jacob married Rachel, who was also barren but God opened her womb and the two sons she bore multiplied and became great nations. Anyway in both instances God opened the barren wombs and the women (and their children) brought much glory to God.

Also the money situaion is somewhat similar. Many of those who really honored God (including Jesus) were poor. Even those who were blessed to have wealth also spent some part of their life in poverty (Job, Paul, etc.).

The pint I’m trying to make is God likes glory, and He likes to do big things and prove He is God. That’s why He takes people who were in a low place and lifts them up. (For example He used David, a child to defeat Goliath, Moses, who was not a good speaker to lead Israel, Paul, who killed Christians, to convert them later.) Do you get the pattern? low to great.

Trust me, I know financial stress and not being able to have a child is devestating and can break a person. But at the same time, God can completely turn it around. In the book of Isaah God took dry bones and brought them to life. I know He can do the same for me and for you too. You just have to trust Him and give it all to Him.

I personally see it as a blessing. My husband and I have tried to have a baby for years. But if we did have one we would be having a very difficult time. I know God will give us children in His time. But for now He is turning our finances around so that when the time is right things will be better. In other words, He is protecting our children from us. And He is preparing us to raise them better than we would have before. God already knows the outcome even though I don’t, but I trust Him.

In the same way He wants you to trust Him. I don’t know what His specific plan is for you, but ask Him to reveal it to you. Obviously it wasn’t to have kids yet, but that doesn’t mean He won’t give them to you later. (He did tell us to be fruitful and multiply, so generally He wants people to have kids). But even if He for some reason chooses not to give you children, then that will only mean He has a bigger, better plan for your life. He does love you and His plan is to give you the best. But it’s up to you to believe that and accept it or not.

Anyway, I hope this helps. Just know that at least one other person knows what you are going through and is praying for you.

Many blessings.

Answer by williamzo
Try “Save the Children” or one of those type of agencies that line you up with a child in need who you can sponsor and write to.
I did and loved it!

Answer by wellaem
I was in the same situation, and thought I was just not a good person. We turned out having foster children, and then adopting one. That filled a void, and helped them out at the same time.

Answer by Londoner
Maybe you could befriend more couples who have children and then you could have the pleasures of being around children?

Answer by old school
Don’t have kids and love it. Neither my wife or I can have children. We can travel, go out to eat, just do what we want when we want. Content? Oh, yeah.

And do not bash single mothers. You do not know each of their situations. And you call yourself a christian. Bullshit.

Answer by debisioux
I have lost babies to miscarriage and just couldn’t face the heartache again. I decided to take a year out and heal quietly and was lucky enough to be able to do this.
I now accept the fact that I am childless and do this by looking on the bright side. I am free to go out for the night anytime without having to find a babysitter, I can have a sunday morning lie-in, I won’t have to wash chocolatey handprints off my walls, curtains etc and the cat will never have her tail pulled.
I have an identity as me, not someone’s mother. I will never have to spend years fretting over my offspring’s safety.
I also give my love to rescue animals instead. 2 out of my 3 are rescued and it was the best thing I ever did.
I will be thinking of you xx

Answer by babex12803
Well my mom is a foster parent ( i know what you might think of foster kids but they are kids who need a good home and all the loving you can give) i was a foster child, and she(my mother) couldnt have any kids of her own and they couldnt afford a adoption so they became foster parents and they adopted 2 her their foster kids and the rest are still treating her like a real mom. Sure some of this kids are troubled but that is not their faults the were probalby neglected, abused inall kinds of way and never loved. There are a bunch of kidss that need a good home right here in the usa. there are the foster kids lost in a system of being huffled from home to home or slipping thru the cracks.

My mom currently has almost 15 kids and like 23 grandchilren!. (of course they are not her but foster kids she has taking cared of over the years and all of us get along great and treat each other like a real family!

Answer by Loreli
God Bless You! Your not being punished, God has a plan for you, never doubt that! YOur emotions are completely understandable.

Answer by skippingsunday
I was a single mother for the first five years of my son’s life. It was never a game and I didn’t take support from the father since he wanted me to have an abortion. I worked very hard to support my son on my own. I think that you have to have faith. I was not suppose to have any more children (according to the doctors) after my son but then seven years later I got pregnant. My sister also was told she would never have any children.She tried everything and nothing worked. So she went an adopted 2 from over seas and then she ended up getting pregnant with her own. The thing is we don’t know when these things will happen or if they ever will. You just have to have faith that what is meant to be will be.
Love & Light
Sharon

Answer by allen3_99
Well think of it this way: you are not changing diapers. You can up and leave if you want to, you don’t have to worry about “the kids.” Most important is the cost, kids are freaking expensive and they are a quick way to poverty.