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Can’t deal with my bipolar mother anymore!?

Posted in Working Mothers on 3rd September 2012

Can’t deal with my bipolar mother anymore!?
Okay, sorry if this is so long!

My mom basically walked out and left me when I was about 9/10. She would lie to me and say my dad had a restraining order or she was in hospital and couldn’t see me, and often disappeared for months on end without talking to me. The worst was when she got arrested for beating my dads girlfriend in front of me. I have flashbacks of my mom throwing all sorts at my dad (chairs, phones, ect) and my dad never did anything back. She would call me up and tell me she was about to commit suicide and emotionally and mentally abused me. I figured she was bipolar as she’d suffered post-natal depression when I was a baby, as her mother died of cancer while she was pregnant. I’m now seventeen and things are better, but not good. I see her on weekends (though she has a ‘weekend off’, which i find ridiculous). I just want to know what to do. She’s constantly calling me ugly and saying how she has a better love/social life and will openly tell me about her sex life. She is intrusive (at one point she went to my work and quizzed a co-worker about my relationship with a boy). Whenever we get into an argument she says “you’re never gonna see me again” or “you’re saying i’m a bad mother” or “you’ll all know when I run away/ kill myself / arent here anymore”. There was one occasion she asked me to work and when I said I couldn’t as I was seeing friends, she screamed that I was selfish and immature. I’ve been looking for work for about three months and she always says “if I was with you, you’d get a job anywhere straight away” just belittling my work. She also said she thinks i’m lying about applying for jobs. I work voluntarily at a museum and she heard me tell my bos im working all week and then proceeded to say its not real work and why can’t i just cancel to hang around at her work all day. When I said i’d come to her work in the morning, she said im selfish and think the world revolves around me. She always wants to know what im doing and intrudes on my life and seems to thrive off attention. She’s always pretending to be sick or ill to get attention from anyone, and when i don’t give her it, she gets angry and threatans to never see me again. Sometimes i just sit and cry because I know a mother shouldn’t treat her daughter like this. I’m seventeen looking for a job, I do voluntary work, I don’t drink or smoke or do drugs, I spend almost every weekend at home, barely have a social life and I try so hard to do well in school and she just seems discontent and only really pays attention when something bad happens. I hate this and I need help!

Best answer(s):

Answer by jess
Stay far far away from her.Go with your Dad or yourself.

Answer by Carol
Your not helping your mother by caving into her demands, your actually making it worst.

Believe me she is like gum on your she she will never leave you again, your not a child (she probably doesn’t like children because she WANTS ALL the attention. But she has to learn that life is not like that, and you have to be the strong one because she is mentally imbalanced and incapable of right thinking, so you have to force it on her by not caving, so she Will learn the world does not evolve around her. That is IF you EVER want your on life.

Smile when your about to tell her something you know she won’t like (don’t be angry or smirk.) Talk to her like a child, for example “Well Mom I love you but….I’m working toward my Future, and this may not be anything to you but its something I enjoy, and will continue to do. Your a grown woman I can”t babysit you all the time. I need my own life and you do too, I know ir’s scary but there is a whole world out there that we both need to find our niche in. And each of our niche is going to be different, so lets both be brave and seek them.”

Of course you different ways and your own words but this is the over all message you will need to keep repeating in various ways till she finally gets it…and until you do too. Enjoy YOUR life, she had a chance to enjoy hers and doing less it keeping you both from finding your own paths.

I have adult adhd, on meds yet can’t get rid of hazardous/unsanitary living conditions, whats wrong with me?

Posted in Working Mothers on 24th March 2011

I have adult adhd, on meds yet can’t get rid of hazardous/unsanitary living conditions, whats wrong with me?
I’m a single mom of 3, in college full time and not currently working. It seems I’m always cleaning my home, yet it remains hazardous/unsanitary. It’s at the point where human services took the children from me temporarily because they allege I’ve neglected my children for said reasons. My kids were gone for 6 days and are home now but that was half the battle. I have court dates, CHIPs petitions to worry about. I’m not a “bad mother”, and my children are fed/clean/clothed/cared for properly. Our home life isn’t “dysfunctional”, I work hard to provide the essentials, we don’t have a lot of money or time for that matter. I give my kids a good life other than not being able to keep a clean home. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I’ve been on meds for like 6 years, I had adhd as a teen and was on meds for 3 years back then, no meds for 4 years in between. I thought meds was the answer to my adhd?

Best answer(s):

Answer by bmac
That’s just plain lazy, slovenly behavior and has nothing to do with ADHD.

Why can’t you clean your home? I don’t understand. You don’t work so you can’t say you don’t have the time. You are just using this ADHD as an excuse. So, you’ll lose your children. Well, at least they won’t have to live in a pig sty with a mother who sits around feeling sorry for herself and doesn’t care.

Answer by uldatnmo
Are your kids old enough to help with the house? I’m not saying for them to do the intire thing by themselves…but with your help the house will look great..
Sometimes it is as simple as breaking old habits….
Organization is great for cleaning up a house….
With adhd, your attention whirls, and your hyper- on that note pick a spot and vocus only on that area…when done move-on to another….
Make a list of what you would like done with each room and focus on that list untill you achieve the goal you want…
Good luck ! !

Answer by ranger_girl
Meds AND psychotherapy! That is your solution!

Answer by gary j
I’m not trying to be mean but it seems like you must have some time on your hands cause your sitting here asking this . put you r time to good use . if you loose those kids over something like this you will be known as a s—- ass parent not a person with adhd do the right thing love your kids they remember everything and they will remember the time you did everything you could to keep your family together

Answer by cher
As much as SOME people like to pass it off as your attutude and actions, it isn’t ENTIRLY your fault. Try to get the kids to help clean, and work on reminding yourself not to leave a mess. I also have ADD, so I understand how hard it is. Unfortunatly, not all of us can rely on the meds. You need to (possibly with professional help) learn to compensate for your problem. For example, I have to remind myself that I can’t throw my cloths on the bed, because I won’t bother to remember that when I ‘m washing clothes. Good Luck!

is there a law that says that a father can’t get credit for child support payments?

Posted in Child Support on 18th January 2011

is there a law that says that a father can’t get credit for child support payments?
Child support is for the care and maintenance of childern. 23 days after my daughter was born I petition to establish paternity I was ordered to pay child support per guideline no one set an amount for almost 3yrs. I was paying the mother by money orders that clearly states ” child support” not a loan and not a gift with her signature on back for cashing. I have copies of money orders for 3,000 dollars that did’nt go towards the arrearage during trial now the state say i owe them back child support but they don’t wanna give me credit for may payments presented during trial,they say it is moot.I feel that this is unfair because it is unaccounted money that was taken from my daughter that she deserve for care and maintenance .

Best answer(s):

Answer by b
i don’t believe there is a law about it or a way to make it right. that is a problem with child support enforcement agencies,their main concern is making money off of child support. the way you paid did not allow them to. try to get copies of the money orders and appeal,the child support agency website should have the procedure for it. try this too,just change it to your location.

http://family.findlaw.com/

edit. another possibility to consider,not sure if it is an option. sue your ex in small claims over it and if you win use the money to pay the arrearage. since she knows that you paid and is not offering to back up your claim.

Answer by Toni V
Okay you need to get a lawyer and show them the money orders and what not and they will take it up with the case worker for the attorney general of your state. So I hope this helps. You can look up (your state) attorney general and it will bring up your webpage for it.

Answer by Eric W
I am writing from BC, Canada.

When you go to court, you have to prove that the payments were made and for what purpose they were made. The court will either accept that evidence or reject it. If the court finds the money was paid as a loan, then seek a setoff for the amount of the loan to be credited against support.

If you have already gone to court and a judgment given, your only choice is to appeal. Do so quickly before time runs out.

In either case, get a good lawyer.

Answer by Carrie C
I have had this argument with my ex husband when we were married. He never established a custody order or child support payment for his daughter/my stepdaughter. Without establishing this, no matter what you give and what you put on the check or money order, it will always be considered a gift. Until you legally prove a support order for a set amount you owe back support even if you have been paying her. Get this taken care of soon. I’ve tried to get my ex even now to establish this but he thinks the mother of his daughter won’t figure this out and come back on him. Don’t be naive.