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Calling all funny/witty people. Help! Comebacks?

Posted in Working Mothers on 23rd February 2011

Calling all funny/witty people. Help! Comebacks?
I have been wondering if anyone can offer me some really good comebacks for ANY negative comments. “Your mother” has been working really well, but its getting old… For instance if someone calls you slow, or retarted, or mocks you, or imitates something you say or do. PLEASE try to make them witty and funny. Also, do NOT tell me to ignore them, because this is JUST a friendly competition with a FRIEND. Also, no “I know you are but what am i?” Nothing played out. Be as ORIGINAL AND FUNNY AND CREATIVE AS POSSIBLE.

Best answer(s):

Answer by AnswerThis.
This is my favorite…

You are so Ugly that your dad looked at you and said to your mom, “maybe you should have just given me a blowjob instead”

Answer by kristi
oh oh i got one! but it’s not a comeback
YOU hit 2 birds with 1 stone but CHUCK NORRIS hits 2 stones with 1 bird haha

Answer by mama mac
well this is always funny with me and my friends “kick rocks and blow me”we dont offend eachother its funny to us..if i think of any more ill let ya no have fun..

Answer by coolperson
well.. if someone says something offensive or funny, you can say ” Haha want to join my comedy troupe?” in a sarcastic voice

Answer by Happy Cupcake
Have you ever heard these?

Redneck pickup lines:

Are your parents retarded? ‘Cuz you sure are special!

Did you just fart? ‘Cuz you blow me away.

My love for you is like the runs…I can’t hold it in.

Hehe! Enjoy!

Answer by dorky person loves food!!!!!
your mom is sooo fat that when she sucked your dad’s dick she had to deep fry it first.
your mom is so small whenever she has hiccups she does a backflip
your mom is soooo dark she went to night school and she went out side and they marked her absent

Answer by Night Rain
I’m usually a person with quick comebacks. But umm… It really all depends on the situation. For example: In art class, I muttered “Ugh, I keep on making mistakes with this drawing.” My friend replied “It’s okay Tina, you ALWAYS make mistakes (she meant it in a bad way).” I replied “So, at least I make mistakes. But you ARE a mistake.” Then she gets pissed. Oh there was one time where a friend of mine told me to go to hell. I told her “But I’m already in hell when I’m around you!” Also, one time I complained that at a school event, the teacher asked for too many hugs. He was SO hard to hug because he has large muscles and he was all buffed up. My friend said “It’s not hard to hug him. It’s just because you’re short!” I told her “No, it’s just because you have no boobs. So that way, you have no problem putting your arms around him and doing the whole contour of his body.”

Well, it’s actually easy to find a good come-back. Just left your friend say whatever she says, and make the situation turn against her instead. Use logic and common sense. =D

Answer by *~alyssa~*
its easy to be witty and funny. admitting the problem they are spitting at you lowers their chances of getting a good comeback and makes you look better
retarded: not as much as you
gay: im glad you think im happy you homo (btw gay means happy)
yo momma: at least i have a mom
(there’s a really long one for bitch but i doubt anyone is call in you that but here it is anyway:
a bitch is a femal dog
and dogs bark
and bark is on a tree
and a tree is part of nature
and nature is beautiful
so thanks for the comliment
thats all i got 4 now. but a good come-bak are the ones you make the instant you hear the diss. you can’t be readyt for all of them but good luck =)

Answer by Sdfs S
lmaoo this is my favoritee

stop acting like my grandmother..
its bad enough u already look
like her…xD