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Domestic violence codeword abused by victims drunk sister (both my friends) NEED ADVICE?

Posted in Working Mothers on 23rd July 2012

Domestic violence codeword abused by victims drunk sister (both my friends) NEED ADVICE?
-2of my best friends are twins. Jane & Janice. Jane is in an abusive relationship. I support Jane, and tell Jane that I’m here if she ever needs me. Jane’s not ready to leave her husband. Jane thinks they can “make their marraige work”. Jane knows that I respect her enough to understand that she must make decisions for herself. Jane & I recently came up with a code word for Jane to tell me if she needed help(“RED SWEATER”), if Jane ever needs me to dial 911, she’ll call me & demand that I return her RED SWEATER. Janice, me, and the twins mom keep in constant communication about Jane’s situation. Yesterday I told Janice about about the code word so she’s not confused if Jane ever calls talking about a red sweater.
-Janice went to visit her sister overnightJanicecalled me at 1a, and was VERY drunk. I asked Janice what she was doing & she said “I’m working on it”. I asked Janice what she was talking about & Janice said “Can I have my RED SWEATER back.” This code word was created for Jane, but Janice was visiting Jane, so I asked Janice if she was in trouble. Janice said “Uh-huh. Yeah. Let me call you right back.” I went into emergency mode & was ready to call police. Janice was so drunk I didn’t know what was happening, just that she had said “RED SWEATER”, and confirmed that she was in trouble. I waited & Janice didn’t call me back. I called Janice who didn’t answer. Then I called Jane & Jane’s husband answered (something he’s done while literally holding Jane hostage before). I never heard Janice’s voice during this call. So I was very concerned. I opted to call twinsat 1am) & see if she wanted to call to check on the twins, so I wasn’t calling over & over (escalating the husbands anger = he doesn’t like me since I’ve driven to pickup Jane during one of his abusive episodes when she called me screaming for me to come & get her while pinned in a corner)
-While I was talking to Jane & Janice’s mom, Janice beeped in. I clicked over to Janice and asked Janice if she was okay. Janice said “Yeah.” But since she said “RED SWEATER” right before letting me go during our last conversation, I didn’t know if she was saying she was okay under duress. So I asked Janice if she could get away from the husband to tell me whats going on and she said yes. Once she was AWAY from the husband I asked again if everything was okay. She repeated that yes, everything was fine. I said, “So no RED SWEATER” And she said, “Oh, no, no…let’s take a step back!” I was very confused at this point. I asked her what was going on. She said that she was visiting with Jane’s husband & that she “found out some things that disturbed her”. LIKE, JUST INFORMATION. NO EMERGENCY. I asked her to please not ever say “RED SWEATER” again unless she needed me to dial 911, bc it means call for help! I explained to her that I had been panicked & that I had already called her mother to tell her that she had called me with the emergency code word. Janice reacted to this by saying “What?! You called my mom?!” And I said “yes, I told her I’d call her back when you beeped in”, and Janice said “Oh, let me call my mom real quick & tell her everything is okay.” So I let her go so she could call her mom. After a minute Janice called me back, and said, “Next time, don’t be so quick to call mi madre [my mother]” in an accusatory voice!!!
-I am FURIOUS that Janice got soo intoxicated while visiting Jane, and then called me in the middle of the night drunk, the second sentence out of her mouth being “can I have my RED SWEATER back?” And THEN had the AUDACITY to act like I was out of line for calling her mother.
-Apparently Janice was drinking, visiting with Jane’s husband. Jane’s husband has reached out to Janice in the past, and for some reason trusts her & tells her things (specifically about abusing her sister, using an opportunity to present HIS side of the story). So apparently Janice was just disturbed by the stories that Jane’s husband opened up & told her& in saying “RED SWEATER” she was just attempting to share her disgust(?) with he situation. I’m furious that Janice abused the emergency code word b/c she was so intoxicated, and then even MADDER that she acted like I overreated to the situation by calling their mom. Janice then acted annoyed that I asked why she said “red sweater”, and stayed on the phone, but was silent. She seemed annoyed to be on the phone with me, so I asked if she wanted me to let her go. She said yes, that she’d call me back whenever.
-I’M ALSO WORRIED Janice will tell the husband about the codeword after a drunken misunderstanding about it. Right now during fights, Jane has been able to call me. Jane’s husband only keeps the phone from her if she says she’s calling P.D.If he knows about the code word, then he’ll probably be unlikely to let Jane have the phone AT ALL during these fights if he thinks she may tell a friend to call the police in code!!!!!

I’m so mad at Janice, what would YOU say to Janice?

Best answer(s):

Answer by Heather
Tell her -when shes sober- that you feel she’s put her sister in jeopardy by her actions.

Working Mom vs Stay at Home Mom – Is It Possible To Be Both?

Posted in Working Mothers on 15th September 2011

Working Mom vs Stay at Home Mom – Is It Possible To Be Both?

This appears to be the discussion that will not go away. Who’s correct; the mom that chases her career or the mother that gives it up? The mom that goes off to work leaving her kids within another person’s treatment or the mother that stays each and every waking moment together?

The working mother versus stay home mother discussion will most likely never be put to relaxation however the great news is the fact that the majority of mothers have discovered a method to have each.

Working Mother Versus Stay Home Mother: Taking A Look At Each Side

The Working Mother: She has her career that she works hard from which helps her to keep her self-reliance and her identification beyond being a mom. She benefits from the posh of getting grownup relationships every day as well as her function may almost be observed as a “break” from family life.

However, the working mother normally has shame because of not having enough time for her children. Her child care provider stays more time together than she will and also at occasions she will not be readily available for things such as sporting activities or even concerts. She envies the stay home mother with regard to getting so much time for her family members because she just really has got the weekends.


The Stay Home Mother: She has the luxury of spending everyday together with her children as well as being available for all their actions. She will dedicate her complete focus on her family members which simply leaves her having a a feeling of satisfaction. Shame regarding lacking time for her kids is actually foreign to her. She will be considered a mom and partner to the maximum.

Nevertheless, the stay home mother could be envious of the working mother for that inescapable fact that she “gets out” and has an existence beyond children. She’s given up going after work away from home for the moment. This simply leaves her feeling such as she’s lost her sense of self and could produce some bitterness.

Working Mother Versus Stay Home Mother: Getting The Best Of Both Worlds

Exactly how are ladies ending the working mother versus stay home mother discussion? They’re remaining home and working at home. A home based job is really a practicable means to fix the working mother versus stay home mother discussion.

Whenever a mother works at home the woman’s entire family advantages; the kids have their mother home together, mom is generally more happy because she will take care of her kids full-time and maintain her sense of self-reliance, as well as monetarily the household does well. Plus, there’s also huge tax benefits if you have a company operate out of your home.

Using a work from home business is exactly what mothers do right now to aid their loved ones and

Average Basitter Rate – A Guide for Both Parents and Basitters

Posted in Babysitting on 1st February 2011

Average Basitter Rate – A Guide for Both Parents and Basitters

Article by Sheila Huggins

If you want to know how much you will have to pay a babysitter in case you need to hire one, you can always refer to the net. The average babysitter rate is not hard to determine since some have already compiled the available data for you.

For 2009, the estimated average wages of a babysitter is around – per hour. Still, if factors such as the age and experience of the babysitter, the location, the number of children to be cared for and the time of day to be spent are to be considered, the rate can range from up to or even more.

1. Your Location

Naturally you will prefer babysitters who are from the same area where you live. Hence, if you both live in a major city, you basically have the same costs of living expenses. It follows then that the prevailing average babysitter rate in a major city is higher that those in smaller metropolitan areas or towns.

A preference for an older babysitter would also mean a consideration of the babysitter’s experience, although this doesn’t always follow. In fact, the experience factor will have more bearing than the age factor.

This is particularly important if the child to be cared for is a baby or a toddler less than three years old. The services of a more experienced babysitter will be more suitable but the average babysitter rate will border on the higher end of the compensation range.

2. The Time of Day

The average babysitter rate in this particular aspect can be a grey area in some cases. The regular babysitting-hours are said to be between 8:00am and 10:00pm. Accordingly, some parents contend that night time rates especially if to commence when the children are already sleeping should be less than the hourly rate applicable to daytime.

There is more work involved during the day when the children are awake and are supposed to be more demanding. The need for a nighttime babysitter is more focused on having a mature and experienced person, left in charge of the kids in case of emergency situations.

3. The Use of a Babysitting Rate Calculator

Since the matter of average babysitter rate will serve only as a base point for the babysitter’s remuneration, you will find a babysitting rate calculator handy in order to compute for the nearest and most ideal amount. This information can either be used as basis to pay for the sitter or for a babysitter’s use as the amount she will charge for her services.

Below are examples of how much the calculator will arrive at for three case scenarios with basically the same requirements but will differ only with the location.

The parents would like an adult babysitter with 2 to 4 years experience to baby-sit their child who is under three years of age, from late night up to early morning when she will do some cooking and cleaning. How much will be the average babysitter rate be if the household is located