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got beat up as a child? closed fists.. belt…?

Posted in Child Care on 22nd December 2010

got beat up as a child? closed fists.. belt…?
I suddenly remembered all that has happened to me as a child.. it’s as if I had uncounsciously completely forgotten about everything that happened to me as a child.

My father died when I was 5 years old, he was murdered by someone and the person never got caught and it was never known why he or she did it. My mother remarried 3 years later and I had an abusive stepdad. He used to hit me with the belt for every single mistake I made. I remember he once hit me so hard with the belt that my back started bleeding, and he did it in front of my best friends and their mother. He also once hit me in a restaurant in front of everybody because i touched a chicken piece with my hand. He would slap me, humiliate me… command me to call him “Sir” and made me be as organized as possible.. Every single day he would make me read 72 pages of books I couldnt even understand because they werent at my reading level, in the morning my bed had to be neatly done with not a single line crooked. I would have to have my closet neatly done as well. And only allowed me to go out with my friends for one hour. My mother used to hit me as well, she once hit me with closed fists and made my nose bleed. She would call me an ****** a D******, along with other bad words… I used to do my homework crying because my mother would be next to me screaming at me if i got a wrong answer and calling me alot of names for getting the answer wrong… I had a problem and I couldn’t pay attention very well… Everyday my teacher would write in my daily folder how i behaved and I just couldnt help myself from spacing out during class, and she would report this on the journal that my parents had to sign… every single day I had that problem and my stepfather would hit me with the belt for not having a perfect note… If I had a C in my report card he would beat me up as well.. my suicidal thoughts at that age were constant, I never called the police because I thought that every child went through the same thing that I was going through… My step father was an alcoholic as well… and we would beat my mother up in front of me… He once beat her up so bad that he opened her head and a lot of blood was purring out.. I was traumatized by that and the next time he tried to beat her up I jumped into him and begged him not to hit her.. he looked at me suddenly realizing that he was doing something wrong and let go off her… I was 10 years old at that time and I remember that it was my first night without sleep… I stood at the window the whole night “taking care” of my mother… hoping that I wouldnt see my stepdad come drunk and open the door that I was staring at the whole night…. my stepad and my mother divorced after what seemed an eternity for me and we were poor, I got very skinny but i understood and never complained… the most amount of money I would ask my mom for were 25 cents… and that was to pay a late fee on books at the library… sometimes she would ask me if i wanted a dollar to buy some chips… and I would refuse and ask her to please only give me the 10 or 15 cents i needed…. whenever my aunts gave me money I would give it all to my mother… even though sometimes i thought about the candies and chocolates i could have bought with the money… I believe I had a rough childhood… and the reason why im telling you all this is because I dont know if i should go to a psychologist since I think its affecting me right now… I am not socially active, i only have a girlfriend and one friend… I dont go out at all… I dont feel motivated and dont have any plans for the future… i get depressed and I cannot sleep at night until 4 am… please help me. what should I do?

Best answer(s):

Answer by tonyg
when you find out what to do let me know

Answer by Tori Guilder
This seriously made me cry my eyes out.
If this isn’t fake, I feel terrible and sorry for you.
You are brave and quite amazing from what I can see.
You didn’t deserve any of that.
Get help. 🙁

Answer by juicyher
Please seek counseling to work through that. For now, you are alive. You can move on from a bad past, no matter how bad it was, and your today is completely your responsibility. Don’t let what happened in the past turn you into a victim where you can instead be a survivor.

Answer by julion
Wow I thought me living with a prosthetic was fucked up… Damn dude Im sorry this happened…

Answer by crazykid69
your tougher than any one may think
my dad past away when i was 8 but with his lost i still feel bad inside but makes me stronger to know that he has no worrys but happyness where hes at..
go to the gym, go out to the park and have some fun

Answer by Josh
you should go to a psychologist. you need to live life to the fullest!

Answer by sam_1sandy
You don’t need any psychiatrist..just go out more often and try to meet new people..telling you to forget those things will be useless but at least try to keep them at the back of your mind..

Man, you’re brave!

Answer by Ireeny Weeny
Oh my gosh. I’m in tears right now. I am sorry for you for what you went through. If you are willing to see someone about that, you should. Why did you all of a sudden remember? Usually when someone represses bad memories the person will not remember, ever. Something must have triggered that. If you can, put those memories back where they were and try not to think of them, if you can. *I’m majoring in Psychology and learned that*. I think I have put a really bad memory in the brain closet and locked it forever because my mom tells me of something that happened to me, that I just can’t remember nor believe, if I were to remember it I think I would go crazy right then and there. I advise you to see a Psychologist, it will help and especially if you are willing to get help. Your past is affecting you a great deal. If you don’t get help to overcome the situation the problem will only get worse. There is absolutely nothing we can do to change our past but our future, that we are in total control of. Good luck! I hope your life brightens up for you.

Answer by Dazey
Well, you’ve already started the biggest step – acknowledging the problems and willing to self-examine. Many people spend a lifetime avoiding and self-medicating just to forget and avoid what you just accomplished on your question. It took guts to reveal this stuff – it takes guts to face it.

I was a Director of a halfway house for several years and dealt with older teens and young adults facing these types of memories and issues. But my personal experience is where I can speak from. Also came from a large abusive family, didn’t really effect me until I was in my late teens and early twenties. Luckily, something in me sought out help and it helped to put things in perspective and begin some level of healing.

Twenty years later, apparently I’m turning out to be the more sane of my family, but I too almost unknowingly fell into their pattern of extreme dysfunction. I’m very relieved that I took the time in my twenties to take a look at my past, for which I was not responsible for, so it would not impact my future – for which I am indeed responsible.

I have a 53 year old sister who has been abusing substances since she was 13 who lives in the past, as well as my other two sisters, who also cannot seem to get past these issues. All of the females ended up in abusive relationships at one point or another. My brothers are very insecure and no one in this family of 10 gets along all these years later.

During this 40 year journey, I did not always see the damage being done and the life patterns being formed. It took me a few tries, but I finally found a counselor I could work with who was able to see the issues clearly and explain it to me where I did not see. I wish I had started it earlier instead of living this way unnecessarily.

I think that far too many people run to a pill or shrink to solve their little hangnails, but your situation, and mine, is a good reason to seek out another perspective.

I wish you healing, peace, love & joy.

Answer by jimrich
what should I do?
>>> try some kind of counseling, therapy, support groups are cheap and IMO, very effective to be around folks who not only experienced what you did but are healing in various ways and can be a source of both information and moral support as you begin to heal from early trauma.
start here…….

good luck