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Was it sexual abuse or an affair?

Posted in Babysitting on 2nd October 2013

Was it sexual abuse or an affair?
He touched my breasts when I was young, and I told him to stop, so he left me alone, I was only about 9 or 10 and did not know the severity of this harassment or what was. Later in my life came one night when I was 15 my stepfather was in my room and started kissing me in my sleep I started to wake up and really did not know what was going on, and he said, you know how hard it is being in love with you and your mother at the same time, pushed him away, because he made me sick.The I confronted him with it the next day and said, “You mean what you say” (I thought he had have sleepwalking and he was on strong medication the night before because he in which he made a bad attack. I did not say, because I would not believe me .. I went about my business my mother, and I have did not tell anyone. My mother would stay at home and “baby sit”, because he has seizures and could not be left alone by themselves. I did not, but she and me angry at me because I wanted to go with her ., I had to stay home with him and I was sitting on the couch and he came over and sat down beside me and started kissing me., I said wait, your married to my mother He bugged me for a long time, it to allow sexual things to do with him and he told me things he had dreamed roughly about me. Not only was I curious about sex, but he would not stop bugging me to be with him. finally collapsed so i I thought if I let him do, he would leave me alone. things he would say, “People fall in love, and things like this happen all the time.” as for me and if you ever your mother said she would kill us both, and when I would ask, what if I get pregnant end he the things I will say just kill me., and your mother would kill us. anyway, kept the sex and other things going on, and if he would make sure me I would go into the bedroom looking for him. my mother did nothing, but they told me i should not go in there room while he was there, but I went anyway., and they knew it something fishy everything, but she would never look into it more deeply she let it just go my mother knows everything and this day she still wants to be with him, so I ask you the following questions:..? What is your opinion, this is my Error I was abused, what do you think, what is your perception of this whole thing? HE IS in Gefängnis.Ich am now 20, my mother knows about it, but said I had an affair with him, the police were already before 5 years, this is y hes called in prison, I am now on my own and married my mother tell my friends what a whore I am parent, my mother told me that that was my fault, and only 50% give him the guilt, because she thinks I still had an affair so now I have a hard time understanding if it was abuse or if I really a whore Best Answer (s):.
call

reply by Kristina Howarth
sexual abuse the police before he does hurt someone else

reply by Sarah
SEXUAL ABUSE , call the police

Reply shiannew
That’s not right. You must call the police. How literally get your ass of the internet and call them. Do this before he thinks he can get away with it. Show him your biger and badder than he is.

Reply mrsv
I only read the first part up to where your stepfather kissed you in your sleep. Either way …. Tell your mother – if they do not, a counselor, pastor, police officer, whatever. It does not matter who, as long as they are a trusted adult. This is not useful in every aspect. They should never be exposed to this or any other form of harassment. Medication is an excuse, seizures are an excuse, it is not akzeptabel.NEIN that is not your fault! This is the evil deeds of a sick man with a “disability” as an excuse to act inappropriately with a minor. He needs more help than any anti-seizure medications can give, and you have taken from this abusive environment immediately.

Reply by just me
it was sexual abuse! Your brain was not even in full at the time (not fully developed until you are 18) developed so you just knew what was right, what did your father figure / say. 0% of that was your fault! I’m sorry your mother says these things about you, probably because she feels bad that she did not STEP UP and his mom and take care of you, by you to stop the abuse. Also, if you would go looking for it, it is still not your fault, because that is what you have been conditioned to do as a child. Check out the book “to get rid of my shame,” the book has helped me has a lot in recovering from sexual abuse from my husband of my mother. My mother chooses to stay with him even though she knows what he did to me: (I have them both removed from mylife to protect myself and my family for emotional / physical / sexual abuse .

AFTER AN AFFAIR? Is it posible to ever trust and respect your spouse again?

Posted in Babysitting on 3rd April 2011

AFTER AN AFFAIR? Is it posible to ever trust and respect your spouse again?
I love him, but have no trust and respect for him. Its been 9 months and I thought it would get better, but I still have days where I resent him, and everyday is filled with ZERO trust and respect. I fear that I cannot go on like this. I thought it would work, but I am second guessing my choice to stay married to him. I’m tired of “babysitting” my phone bill, and bank statements, I’m tired of wondering what he’s ‘really’ doing, or where he’s “really” at, when for all I know, he is true to his word, but in my head, I doubt it.

For the most part, he has been wonderful since. There are alot of days when life is good and it seems like we are newly weds. But all of what I said earlier haunts the back of my mind and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Am I giving it enough time? Especially when he has tried so hard? I’m really confused and I just dont think love is enough anymore. Should I wait a little longer to see if it comes back, or walk away now?
We have 12 years together and 2 children.

Best answer(s):

Answer by Trish the Dish
You both need to a see a couples therapist.

This isn’t something that is just going to go away. You need to learn how to trust your husband again if you want your marriage to work.

Some people can never learn to trust again, but with the help of someone who is trained to deal with these issues, maybe you can be one of the people who can get past this and trust your spouse again.

Answer by boston_based_guy
you need to seek professional help for yourself and then also therapy or counsilling for both of you.

you won’t be able to trust until the resentment is gone.

Answer by eharrah1
You need to stop dwelling on the past. Yes, I know it is not easy but you can stop. If you have truly, in your heart, decided to forgive and move on, then there is not a problem. Sounds like you have not truly forgiven him.

Do some soul searching and really make up your mind what you want. If you decide to forgive and move on, then do it. When you start thinking about the cheating, remind yourself that he has not done it again. Remind yourself of the good times you have had. Eventually, it will get to where it doesn’t hurt so much.

Answer by bishop
in your case it may take years to trust him again, and even then again you may never trust him.
but it will not “resolve” within 9 mos

Answer by olderbutwiser
You ONLY get one life! Is this how you want to live it? Short answer, but to the point!! Life is TOO short to live like that, and too good when they’re gone, to be lived in the hell of a cheating spouse….either past, present , or future!

Answer by Sonrisaloca
My husband mess up in the begining of our relationship not by cheating but lying and I always try to trust him but like you said that in the back of your mind you just cant help it. Talk to your husband maybe you guys can got to counseling. Try your best not to live in the past, its not healthy for you. 🙂 Good luck

Answer by Daybreak
Forgiving him and trying to work out the marriage is admirable, most people just give up and get divorced. If you still love him and you think he is sincere about trying, then stay at it. Let him know that you forgave him, but you don’t trust him. tell him their are times that you just get mad about it. that’s normal and he should accept it. Tell him your willing to work at it, but it’s going to take a lot of time. Some days will be better than others. I suggest going to a counselor, a pastor, or couples therapy. It may help you deal with the feelings that you have.

Answer by Starseed
I am dealing with a similar issue. My wife did not cheat physically, but I’ve caught her hanging out with male friends and lying about it, flirting online and even searching single profiles. She says that she wants to fix things and get close again, but she still has male friends and my trust level is zilch. But I love her, and I had to ask myself if it was worth giving her up or if I wanted to fight for it until she proved herself unredeemable to me. I’m still scared, but at least I have a chance. If I had walked away out of fear I would certainly not have her. I cannot imagine life without her and until she forces me to I guess I can’t give up on her.

Answer by zirconiag
It is easy to say don’t dwell on the past but the problem is, we would question whether this will happen again. We are human…very fragile sometimes and we wouldn’t want such thing to happen again. We wouldn’t want to go over the pain again. The first time it happened, it already broke your heart and trust…and guess how long to build the trust?
like the other answerers said, go and talk to someone (preferably professional) and there, tell your husband face-to-face how you feel. I cannot say how much time should be given to accept him fully again but if you are tired of just being a housework, why don’t you look for some part time job or maybe join some local group. Anyway, enough said…good luck 😉

Answer by SuthernYankee
You’re being human and humans are imperfect, otherwise we wouldn’t have infidelity. I would say that your trust and respect for him is zero as you said. It sounds like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop and you’re confused because you’re waiting for it to happen even though you don’t have proof.

There are things you can do now. The first is learning to let go, what I mean by that is this: You cannot CONTROL his behavior, what he MIGHT do, or you cannot UNDO what’s been done. Walk through the worst case scenario, he does it again, what are you going to do? Freeze up? Divorce him? Start a new life? A new career? That doesn’t sound like the end of the world.

What if this was a one time only thing? Spending the rest of your life policing your bank drafts and phone bills sounds like a lot of wasted energy for someone who DIDN’T cheat.

Your question should be, can you live with either of these, maybe see a counselor alone, together, either way, don’t let what HE did, break you.