HomeSearch for 'abused'

abused - Baby-sitting & Childcare

Domestic violence codeword abused by victims drunk sister (both my friends) NEED ADVICE?

Posted in Working Mothers on 23rd July 2012

Domestic violence codeword abused by victims drunk sister (both my friends) NEED ADVICE?
-2of my best friends are twins. Jane & Janice. Jane is in an abusive relationship. I support Jane, and tell Jane that I’m here if she ever needs me. Jane’s not ready to leave her husband. Jane thinks they can “make their marraige work”. Jane knows that I respect her enough to understand that she must make decisions for herself. Jane & I recently came up with a code word for Jane to tell me if she needed help(“RED SWEATER”), if Jane ever needs me to dial 911, she’ll call me & demand that I return her RED SWEATER. Janice, me, and the twins mom keep in constant communication about Jane’s situation. Yesterday I told Janice about about the code word so she’s not confused if Jane ever calls talking about a red sweater.
-Janice went to visit her sister overnightJanicecalled me at 1a, and was VERY drunk. I asked Janice what she was doing & she said “I’m working on it”. I asked Janice what she was talking about & Janice said “Can I have my RED SWEATER back.” This code word was created for Jane, but Janice was visiting Jane, so I asked Janice if she was in trouble. Janice said “Uh-huh. Yeah. Let me call you right back.” I went into emergency mode & was ready to call police. Janice was so drunk I didn’t know what was happening, just that she had said “RED SWEATER”, and confirmed that she was in trouble. I waited & Janice didn’t call me back. I called Janice who didn’t answer. Then I called Jane & Jane’s husband answered (something he’s done while literally holding Jane hostage before). I never heard Janice’s voice during this call. So I was very concerned. I opted to call twinsat 1am) & see if she wanted to call to check on the twins, so I wasn’t calling over & over (escalating the husbands anger = he doesn’t like me since I’ve driven to pickup Jane during one of his abusive episodes when she called me screaming for me to come & get her while pinned in a corner)
-While I was talking to Jane & Janice’s mom, Janice beeped in. I clicked over to Janice and asked Janice if she was okay. Janice said “Yeah.” But since she said “RED SWEATER” right before letting me go during our last conversation, I didn’t know if she was saying she was okay under duress. So I asked Janice if she could get away from the husband to tell me whats going on and she said yes. Once she was AWAY from the husband I asked again if everything was okay. She repeated that yes, everything was fine. I said, “So no RED SWEATER” And she said, “Oh, no, no…let’s take a step back!” I was very confused at this point. I asked her what was going on. She said that she was visiting with Jane’s husband & that she “found out some things that disturbed her”. LIKE, JUST INFORMATION. NO EMERGENCY. I asked her to please not ever say “RED SWEATER” again unless she needed me to dial 911, bc it means call for help! I explained to her that I had been panicked & that I had already called her mother to tell her that she had called me with the emergency code word. Janice reacted to this by saying “What?! You called my mom?!” And I said “yes, I told her I’d call her back when you beeped in”, and Janice said “Oh, let me call my mom real quick & tell her everything is okay.” So I let her go so she could call her mom. After a minute Janice called me back, and said, “Next time, don’t be so quick to call mi madre [my mother]” in an accusatory voice!!!
-I am FURIOUS that Janice got soo intoxicated while visiting Jane, and then called me in the middle of the night drunk, the second sentence out of her mouth being “can I have my RED SWEATER back?” And THEN had the AUDACITY to act like I was out of line for calling her mother.
-Apparently Janice was drinking, visiting with Jane’s husband. Jane’s husband has reached out to Janice in the past, and for some reason trusts her & tells her things (specifically about abusing her sister, using an opportunity to present HIS side of the story). So apparently Janice was just disturbed by the stories that Jane’s husband opened up & told her& in saying “RED SWEATER” she was just attempting to share her disgust(?) with he situation. I’m furious that Janice abused the emergency code word b/c she was so intoxicated, and then even MADDER that she acted like I overreated to the situation by calling their mom. Janice then acted annoyed that I asked why she said “red sweater”, and stayed on the phone, but was silent. She seemed annoyed to be on the phone with me, so I asked if she wanted me to let her go. She said yes, that she’d call me back whenever.
-I’M ALSO WORRIED Janice will tell the husband about the codeword after a drunken misunderstanding about it. Right now during fights, Jane has been able to call me. Jane’s husband only keeps the phone from her if she says she’s calling P.D.If he knows about the code word, then he’ll probably be unlikely to let Jane have the phone AT ALL during these fights if he thinks she may tell a friend to call the police in code!!!!!

I’m so mad at Janice, what would YOU say to Janice?

Best answer(s):

Answer by Heather
Tell her -when shes sober- that you feel she’s put her sister in jeopardy by her actions.

how to know if you child is being abused, or if something will happen, and what to do about it.?

Posted in Child Care on 11th October 2011

how to know if you child is being abused, or if something will happen, and what to do about it.?
I made this account so that no one would know who i am, so im asking now:
Im married, its almost been 2 years, we have a 6 month old son
my wife gets frustrated when my son cries, and often yells at him to “shut up”, “ill give you a spanken” “i just cant handle you right now” and a ton of other things, she has “spanked” him before for crying because he is hungry/tired. and has even yelled at him “your stupid” or “your retarded” I try to talk to her and she doesnt want to listen, then today she told me the ONLY reason she had a kid is because i wanted to and when i asked her if she was ready for a kid… she replied NO, then quickly changed her answer to, “well who is” which to be honest i totally am, i love kids, have 4 sisters, helped raise them all. I just dont know what to do, she has gotten mad before and left with the kid. so what do i do? I love my wife, i try to talk to her, i stay calm, i dont yell, and all i want is to make it work, but i dont agree with how she treats our kid, and my dad and stepmom keep saying just to stay, and it will blow over, i KNOW it will blow over, but im worried about my kid, is there something i can do to stay with her and help her with self control, and how she treats our kid? i ask her if she would like the weekend off and ill take the baby and go visit family but she doesnt want that, i ask her what i can do to help and she says “i dont know” or “i dont care” its like i just cant help her. I made a committment and I will do anything to stick to it, marriage counseling isnt really an option right now, we dont have the money, and its not just about us, its mainly about our kid, i just dont know what to do at this point, and im worried to even be around her with the baby…

please use sources, this is serious.

Best answer(s):

Answer by Cassie773
Personally I’m not sure if there is anything but counseling that will help. I would sit down and discuss all of it with her. If you belong to a church you may be able to get couples counseling through there. When a child is involved I don’t believe you can just say it will blow over. This may be hurting your child right now and it will come out in his behavior and although right now he may not show it it will do long term damage to him emotionally. Personally I think it may be prolonged Post pardon depression. Some women behave this way and it means she is unhappy and depressed. It doesn’t mean she is a bad person but she needs help. I know money is hard but if something is wrong you need to address it now and not put it off because it will effect you, her, and your son. Counseling is considered mental health and most insurances will pay for it. Also like I stated church’s very commonly will provide marriage counseling or have other services like that. Communication is important too. I would be there for her but also let her know that the way she treats your baby will not be tolerated and that she does need to change. She may not realize what she is doing will hurt anything but I assure you it will. It is a form of abuse to spank a child and verbally attack him by calling him names and threatening him. By standing by you are not taking care of him. But it’s not the end you just need to address this now. Good luck

Answer by Moo Moo
This is abuse, and it’s not your fault at all. I don’t blame you for being afraid to have the baby around her, you just don’t know what to expect. I would suggest sitting down and talking to her about how abusive she has been behaving, and explaining that this is a serious crime. No child deserves to be treated like this, especially a baby who can’t defend themselves if they get physically abused. Since you don’t have enough money at the time for counseling, just take the necessary steps to protect your son from any further harm: don’t leave your wife alone with him, if you absolutely have to leave him with her check him for any bruises or marks that weren’t there before when you come back, and watch her VERY carefully when she is around him. Don’t be afraid to speak up. I hope things get better for you, stay strong and good luck with everything.

Why does a “loving God” sit back and allow children to be abused and killed when he has the power to stop it?

Posted in Child Care on 17th June 2011

Why does a “loving God” sit back and allow children to be abused and killed when he has the power to stop it?
All these people describe their God as such a “loving” and “caring “god” and remember “he sees everything”. What kind of “loving God” sits back and watches children, whom he supposedly loves and cares about, be tortured, molested and killed and does nothing to prevent it, after all he does have the power to stop it in a second. If we did that as humans, we would be arrested and thrown in jail! Please I’m interested in hearing a logical answer.

Best answer(s):

Answer by BrendaWise
What makes you think “God” has that power?

Answer by CRtwenty
Why don’t you go and stop it yourself? You have power too. Don’t rely on God to solve your problems.

Answer by Randy _
God gave us free will – if He controlled us – we would not be free to do as we wanted and make decisions for ourselves.

Answer by noitall
Seeking god is a delusionary activity that leads people to great depths of depravity (child molester waco koresh). Seek good everywhere and god nowhere. Burn the child molesters where ever you spot them. The world will be a better place.

Answer by th!nK
first off men rebelled against God by eating the forbidden fruit(basically saying that I don’t need you anymore) ,so why on earth should God help.
second we have free will now to choose good or evil and it wouldn’t be called “free will” if god intervened in our lifes all the time would it now?!!

Answer by IveL
God gives us all the ability to choose right from wrong, unfortunately he can’t tell us what to do. The people doing this are the ones that are wrong, they’re the ones making the conscious choice to hurt this little angels. I hate reading or hearing about children getting hurt in the most horrible and inhumane ways. The thing that consoles me is knowing they’ll end up in a beautiful place where God will care for them and they’ll never know pain again.

Answer by Avatar
God gave humanity free will for a reason: So we make our own choices and take responsibility for them. Don’t try to turn God into a reprobate using human reasoning, it doesn’t work that way.

Answer by Terry S
God gives people the ability to stop it them self ,But because man has become so evil he not only will not help to stop it ,but glorifies its sickness

Answer by lewis512
God gave us a free will to live out our life from day one. You can choose to love him and go to heaven in the end or serve the devil and go to hell to spend eternity. God wants you to love him out of love for him and what he has to offer not fear. Hurting others is a sin but you have to choose if you want to and go to hell or be good. God could stop all sin. But we would have no say in how we live.

Answer by xoxo
I agree with you totally, thats why I prefer to think that there is no God all the stories in the bible is just that stories but if there is a GOD all of the things that happen is his way, In the bible all GOD was known for was getting angry and killing. He got upset and murdered millions of innocent people by dwowning them in a flood.