HomeChild CareStay @ home wife.?
Posted in Child Care on 24th May 2011

Stay @ home wife.?
Why do some women choose to stay home and “take care” of children. I am tired of women saying their job as a homemaker is so friggin tough. Every Job is tough. Every Job has it’s goods and not so good attributes.

Anyway. I would NEVER want to be a Homemaker because I like my own money and I would never want to rely on a man for my well being.

Why can’t women have kids and not feel guilty about going to work? Kids need stimulation and interaction. That’s what childcare is for.

Since my fiancé makes a good living, people expect me to stay home when I have kids. He is older than me so he is established in his field. I am just getting started and would like a rewarding career. Stay Home, Heck No!
a year is fine to stay home. Then send the child to childcare.I will be working at a local news station as a reporter. I won’t be gone for too long plus my husband works for 8:00 to 4pm and I will work mostly afternoons. So I can’t see why husbands and wifes can’t work around each others schedule. 2 incomes are better than one anyday.
To Ch and others.
#1 Being a Homemaker is not a form of Feminism.

#2. I would not “dump” my child off anywhere. Just because I choose childcare doesn’t mean I WANT to let someone else raise my child. It means we won’t sacrifice for anything. I would rather have my child in DAYCARE for 4-5 hours a day oppose to not having enough money to go out or entertain them after work or on the weekends. Having more money to go on vacations and going to the movies . Also, having 2 incomes will allow us to have a bigger home, nicer cars, swim, dance and karate lessons and a swimming pool for them to enjoy. Having my children in CHILDCARE will make them more social.
“The question I have for folks who feel like you do is this….why have kids if you don’t want to see them?”

Did I ever say I didn’t want to see my child????? No I didn’t. Just because I don’t want to stay @ home doen’t mean I am neglecting my children. That’s what i mean about SAHM, they tend to fight the ones who disagree with there choice and bring out the “working mothers are neglecting mothers”. My will be home when the kids get home because he is off at 4. With both us working we still will have the weekends, Holidays and my husband is off ALL SUMMER to spend with the kids. I love children. There is no need to speend every waking hour with your child. Goodness!
2Westies
You wouldn’t know if you regreated it or not because you never had it. A nicer home and car doen’t mean a BMW and a Mansion.
If my husband and I both worked we would make about 150k a year. paying about 12,000 a year in CC would be fine. Plus I would only need the children in CC from 1:00 pm to 5:00 pm. A Nanny for those time would be ok to.

Best answer(s):

Answer by kd_lifer
I think your kids would greatly benefit from YOU going out to work!!

Answer by cyn21
Answer to your first question…some women chose to stay at home with their kids because they don’t want someone else raising them.
Answer to your second question…if you feel guilty because you are working and not home with your children then you obviously need to re-examine a few things.

Answer by millie&brandon L
And whats wrong with watching your children grow up? Every women is different I think thats it great if women stay home and take care of there kids or if a women decides to go to work. Staying at home is hard work but so is going to work. Good for you that you found a job that you love and are going to get married but that doesn’t make stay at home moms any less important or their “jobs” any less special or hard. You never know what it feels like until you walk a mile in someone else shoes.

Answer by Smiles
This stay at home mom works for some of us and not so much for others, as you can tell. There is nothing wrong with either choice.

Some women are maternal and others are just women.

I enjoyed staying home with my children. Now I have a new set of children and have to work. I enjoy the money I earn and the extra routine activities my children have at day care, but if I had a marriage where my man was willing to support us with no strings attached ( like no abuse for the return of supporting us) then I would gladly stay at home with the kids and be a pta mom and do the extra activities.

You are right, the kids need the stimulation and interaction and that is why they have mommy and me activites at our recreational parks. Then mom’s could go to school to learn the importance or routines and add to the childrens learning experience at home. – It is fun but it has its pros and cons staying at home.

In the end, you are who you are and if this idea doesnt work for you then do not let anyone make you feel bad about it. You have the right. :)Best wishes.

Answer by Michele B
You will never understand until you have children. I have been at home for over twenty years. I take care of the kids and my husband and feel fortunate. I always think about how great it would have been to follow my career, be in charge of my destiny. That’s something I will never know. Do yourself a favor only have one or two kids. Mom and career make for work overload.

Answer by Kathy
Thats the way I feel myself, but I can see why women do stay home. As far as saying that taking care of children isnt hard or every other job is hard, I think that comment is waay off. My husband recently fell ill and I had to miss work to take care of him. Then when I went back to work I had to get some extra hours to pay the bills (since he was not able to work) and take care of him. Staying at home tending to his every need was way more taxing than to take care of him after work… And he is an adult!! I think taking care of kids is hard, but I think its incredibly BORING as well. I would HATE to have to tend to a whiney small brat all day long while my husband got to go out in the real world and interact with adults. My 4 sister in laws are stay at home mothers, and I cannot believe that is what they chose to do. I really think I would kill myself if I had to do that, but to each their own. I personally want a rewarding career, I would like to take off for a spontaneous vacation with my husband without the hassle of taking the kids or finding a sitter. Plus children are damn annoying anyways. I love the childfree life 100000000% more. As far as the daycare thing, I halfway agree. I think daycare is ok for a few hours, but not all day long. I believe that children blossom more in their own home then spending the day with strange kids all day long. I believe that you can have a career and children, however I also believe that eventually, the kid will feel neglected and Ive seen way more kids act out when both their parents work full time, then if one parent stayed home at least half or the whole day.

Answer by neesi16
I chose to stay home with my last child because with my older kids there was no choice. I HAD to go back to work. But with my last child, I decided I wanted to be home because I didn’t want to miss any developments. My second to last child started walking while I was at work and she was at her sitter’s. That hurt! So I decided that I would stay home with my last child until she was about 2 or 3 when all her major milestones were established and could tell me if something happened. No one can treat my baby like my husband and I can.

But I think its HILARIOUS that you straight downed stay at home moms and YOU ARE NOT EVEN A MOM YET!!!!!!!!!! How can you say it’s not hard being a stay at home mom if you have never been one. Sounds like you need a nanny to raise your kids.

EDIT: You are saying that having your child in daycare would give you more money to do things with but monthly daycare expenses can cost you just as much as 3-4 (at least) vacations a year. Not to mention the extra gas costs dropping off and picking up the kids! Let’s say daycare costs $ 200 a week (just a round figure) and gas costs $ 80 a week. That’s $ 280 (a week) x 4 weeks = $ 1120 a month in daycare and gas fees!!! That’s a cruise right there!

Answer by Hotlips
obviously you don’t have any kids!!! Feminism is about CHOICE… whether you like the choice or not, it’s up to that particular woman. I couldn’t do it because I personally would feel worthless/powerless, but that’s just me plus I carry ALL of our health insurance. Don’t listen to other people, do what you think is right. My daughter had been in day care starting at age 6 months and now is 9 years old. i work at home now so I don’t have to worry about it anymore.

Answer by CH 😉
Some women choose to stay home and “take care” of their children because that is what is best for them in their situation. I have been a SAHM for years now. I have 3 beautiful children and have no desire to dump them at a daycare and go to a job every day. Some things are just more rewarding than others. In my case being a mom is so rewarding that I don’t need a career. My children are stimulated. We do have a routine. They love the stability that me being home brings and so do I.
BTW we say it’s a hard job because it is 24 hours a day 7 days a week. No sitters. No maids. No extra help. It is just you 24/7.

Answer by Wendy B
I worked for 15 years in management before I had my first child. I took her to work with me for a year (because it was a suitable situation to do so) and then, when I became pregnant with our second, we moved to a place where one income would comfortable support us. What I’ve learned is that staying at home is much more challenging than going to work. At work, I had a break. I also had built in friends and adult conversations. When I worked, the house was empty all day, therefore it was cleaner. I only ate one meal a day at home, so cooking was a breeze. Why would I feel guilty for going to work? Well, because I chose to have children because I wanted to raise children. I would much rather my children learn their social skills from my husband and me than some kids at daycare or school who’s value’s are different than ours. I think the idea of only seeing my children a couple hours a day is sad and, yes, I’d feel guilty because it’s the wrong thing to do (for me). When I say a couple hours a day, that’s assuming a parent works 9 hours a day, with a 1/2 hour commute. So, you leave the house at 7:30, drop them off, work 8-5 and pick them up and are home by 5:30. You make and eat dinner, which brings you to 6:30 and kids are generally in bed by 7 or 8. I think it’s really sad for kids these days that people think that daycare is more healthy and better at raising them than thier parents. The question I have for folks who feel like you do is this….why have kids if you don’t want to see them? Don’t want to raise them? Don’t want to teach them? I know there are many families who’s financial situation forces them into a two income family, but if a parent can care for the children, why wouldn’t they? It’s kind of the same thing as people who get a dog and tie it to a tree in the backyard. If you don’t want to accept the responsibility, pains and joys of being a parent, why not choose to not have them and just work. I think it’s pretty selfish. Kids are hard work. A 24 hour a day job. It brings me my greatest joys and my deepest sorrows. Being a stay at home Mom has been the most challenging and rewarding position I’ve ever held. Good luck to you.

Edit….I am praying that for the sake of your future children that this is a joke. How can a person be so cold and selfish. You really think that a fancy house and car is more important than your kids happiness. Kids don’t give a crap what we drive or where we work or what neighborhood we live in….but oh, you’ve probably got that at the top of your “important lessons to teach the kids list”. Oh, you have to be joking!

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