HomeWorking MothersNon-biological lesbian mother?
Posted in Working Mothers on 21st January 2011

Non-biological lesbian mother?
My partner and I have been together 2 years now. She cheated and got pregnant. I decided that I would accept this child because I dont believe in abortions, as my own. My problem lies here, I have been working in law enforcement for 5 years, my job will not recoginize this child as mine if I do not adopt the child. The father of the child will not reliquish his rights. In order for me to take maternity leave like the other mothers and fathers here at my job I have to adopt the child. Is there anything I can do that shows that I too am a parent of this child and deserve the same benefits as “biological father and mother”?
Im not trying to be the babies father…but we are still in a relationship…I have been here the whole 8 months, going back and forth to the doctor…he has not even called to check on the baby…not once…Why dont I have any rights if this child is going to be apart of our family? My job allows for the father to take off six weeks after the baby is born like a mother would.
Ok i see that most of the people responding are not lesbian friendly…and im ok with that really…some of you are not even reading what was wrote. WE ARE STILL TOGETHER SHE CHEATED…but we are talking about a child…not what she did to me. It was a mistake that she made, I chose to forgive her. Thank you to those who have positive feed back. We were already looking into the power of attorney.

Best answer(s):

Answer by Due 11-10-08 with baby # one!
This baby aparently already has a mother and father who want him or her.

Answer by whatacheerdork
tell them about your situation

Answer by crystal_landsiedel19
Go online and search benefits for non biological mother. And that should help you out. My brother is getting married and I adopted my future sister-in-law’s little boy Joshua. So I am actually his adopted aunt.

Answer by Lori
You’re not the parent. You can’t give sperm. The end.

I’m sorry, but are you bloody insane? It takes 2 to tango, not 3. In the court of law, YOU don’t matter. You will get no paternity leave. Give up.

Answer by Sophie B
Why do you think you deserve maternity leave? You’re not having the baby, your partner is…

99% of the time the biological father wouldn’t get paternity leave……

Answer by snotalie
The baby already has a father, the father wishes to keep his parental rights, you have no legal rights to the baby because you have no biological connection to it. You are out of luck. You are not the mother or the father of the child and therefore have no legal rights to take maternity leave. You are not the child’s mother or father, get it through your head .

Answer by Doodlestuff
Nope. As long as the father of the child retains his rights, it is still his child and that of the biological mother. Most fathers I know don’t get more than a day or two off for leave when they have a baby, unless they use vacation time.

Answer by pineseedling
For a “traditional” lesbian couple who gets pregnant through artificial insemination, in some states the non bio mom can be listed on the birth certificate, or at least, the father/donor is left off. Later the non bio mom can adopt, in some states. She can also fill out certain paperwork like power of attorney and living will that give her a legal relationship to the child.

However it sounds like you’re not in this traditional situation. If the father wants to be listed as the father on the birth cert. and pay child support and have visitation rights, I don’t know if anyone would let you adopt. If you’re in England or somewhere that you can legally marry your same sex partner that would help a lot. If not, you have to consider that you’re the person being “screwed” here. Do you really want to stay in a situation where you’ll bond with a child who can be legally taken away from you at any moment? Do you really want to stay with someone who cheated on you and is now having a baby with someone else? You have a right to protect yourself emotionally here, because you’ll probably end up being the one who is hurt. Good luck.

EDIT: Are you eligible for leave under the Family Leave and Medical Act? It doesn’t matter whether you’re the bio mom or not under that. What is your company’s “family leave” (not maternity leave) policy?

Answer by Chrissa M
Although not in a same sex relationship, I understand where you are coming from. My husband and I live together with his 3 year old son that we take care of 100% of the time but the child’s mother (who is never around) refuses to give up parental rights- so I empathize with your situation. I’m not really sure why people are being rude to you on this page…

Anyhow, in this case, even if you did have parental rights- you wouldn’t get maternity leave anyhow, you would be getting paternity leave, which most jobs don’t even have. I would just try and save up your vacation and sick time and use that when your child is born until it is up then head back to work.

The most important thing is that you love the child and care for the child and even though the legal stuff sometimes gets in the way, a child knows their parents regardless of all that.

Answer by Mogambo
you are not a PARENT of that child……is it that difficult to understand.

i suggest you leave this girl/woman because she cheated on you………..she got pregnant after she had cheated on you, i mean can someone tell me if it’s possible to cheat to higher degree than that??????

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