HomeChild CareIs it wrong to decide that you do not want your unborn child’s father in his/her life?
Posted in Child Care on 2nd January 2011

Is it wrong to decide that you do not want your unborn child’s father in his/her life?
My boyfriend and I have been on and off for three years. I am 30, he is 33. He has a three year old son from a previous relationship. I am three months pregnant, and got to be part of the lucky 1% that gets pregnant while on the pill. (Note to those using the pill as their primary means of birth control: USE A CONDOM!!) Now, I have misgivings regarding whether or not I want this man in my life. I already wanted to end the relationship when I found out I was pregnant. I have seen his “parenting skills” firsthand with his son….I’ve seen him drunk while “taking care” of him…twice when his son got up, his father was hungover and slept until 2 or 3 in the afternoon, allowing me to get his little boy breakfast, change wet diapers, etc. He owes thousands of dollars in back child support…the list goes on. I don’t want my child to grow up with an unstable, alcoholic father. His whole family is the same. Is it wrong of me to decide I don’t want him in my child’s life?

Best answer(s):

Answer by goddessamber13676
Leave.. go to court when the baby is born and express why you feel he is a bad father.. most likely they will give you custody.

Answer by The Scorpion
Normally I would say yes it is wrong to make that choice, but what are we supposed to say when YOU pick a loser like this to jump into bed with? Rough days ahead, I’m afraid. You’ve done a great disservice to your child.

Answer by ~shopping is my bestfriend~
It’s not wrong at all. I totally agree with you. I would never want my child growing up with a father like that. Good Luck!

Answer by Wounded Duck
Sadly, that decision is not yours. It will be up to the court. Gather ALL the information you can. And make sure it is LEGALLY obtained. So far you have shown bad judgment. For the sake of your child, try to change that. Seek Professional legal assistance as soon as possible!

Answer by Megan F
Deff. not You gotta do what you think is the best for your child.1 If the father has a past of being a bad father then why the heck would you want your child aroud nthat..THAT is wrong!! Knowingly puttin your child in a dangerous and neglicant state! Now you do gota make a decision regarding support..if you want child support your going to HAVE TO let him in the childs life..in my case i dont want support so i dont let my sons father in his life! But if you are capable of doin it yourself then heck dont let him in the childs life. IF he really wants to be in the life then he will petition the court and while doin so i belive he is trying to be a good father..it all depends!

Answer by comfortable0
Unfortunately you chose him to sleep with/have a relationship with… and now your pregnant. So he will be in your life forever, or at least till the child is 18. You can’t decide if he’s in your child’s life or not… only the court can. Get a lawyer, keep track of how he treats his own child and let the lawyer know. It’s not wrong of you to not want him in your child’s life, but it was wrong of you to have a relationship with an alcoholic unstable person.

Answer by Juju
If you feel in any way that your childs father would not take proper care of your child then I would have to say your not wrong, your protecting your child. I would also say that it shoudl be the childs choice, when old enough, to decide if he/she wants a relationship with the dad. My daughters dad is not there for her, I will NOT leave them alone together, and I will NOT make him see her, that is his choice. And while it saddens me that he is not there for her like my dad was here for me I cannot make him. He starting doing drugs and totally changed from who he used to be. I don’t allow them to be alone, not even for a min, but he is welcome to see her, under my supervision when ever he wants. When she is old and if she decides she no longer wants to see him her wishes will be followed.

Answer by catsealpan
I don’t think its okay for any of us to say its right or wrong. I’d definitely have concerns. But I have to ask – if you knew this first hand – what were you thinking? I think the purpose of dating (etc) is to find someone you want to be with and have a family with, etc.
You have to remember something – its not just your child – it takes 2 to tango. So- he as the right to get an attorney and fight for that child (or at least visitation). I wouldn’t put his name on the birth certification or even give the child his last name (but if you go that route – remember you might have a hard time getting child support). If you don’t want him to be active in the child’s life your best bet now is to just stay away from him, don’t ask for child support, and raise the child yourself. He might come after you for visitation anyway. Or if you ask for child support – they court can change the child’s last name and the birth certification information. Also – that would probably even more so prompt him to want visitation. Good Luck!

Answer by lovebug123
You two aren’t married, you don’t even have to put him on the birth certificate. You can say the child is someone else’s, what is he going to do, get a paternity test done? I seriously doubt it, that costs money and he wont even pay child support for the child he already has. Just walk away.

Answer by BriarKat
It’s not up to you though. He has rights. I have to wonder though…why would you be involved with someone you already know is a loser?

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