HomeBabysittingINTERVENTION? ALL advice and knowledge needed… 20 year old,6 months PREGNANT!?
Posted in Babysitting on 16th April 2011

INTERVENTION? ALL advice and knowledge needed… 20 year old,6 months PREGNANT!?
So i have decided to separate from my baby;s father because of a marijuana problem he has… and his lack of responsibility with work, bills, and etc. But instead of just kicking him out to go move back in with his parents, I think it would be best for some type of intervention so he has the option to get help or if he doesnt want help to leave….

My grandma is basically my mother, she has really helped raising me since my parents had me in highschool, she has really been there through thick and thin,

Anyways my grandma is going to call his mother to talk about some arrangment with his mother so we can sit “him” down this weekend and get him help with his drug problem and help him improve his life. IF he chooses help, I will continue to be with him, and help him through it, if doesnt get help I will dis-continue our realtionship and get a lawyer and start the papers for full custody and child support. I just bought a house have a GREAT paying job that I will not lose, go to college and will continue after she is born…

Since in 3 months I will be giving birth to our child I have decided that I have done everything I could in the past 6 months to get him to quit or cut-down, shape up or ship out he hasnt done much improvement I DEARLY LOVE HIM BECAUSE HE IS THE FATHER OF MY CHILD… but im losing interest and its becoming a huge turn off for me because he isnt a driven person like me.

So when this intervention is happinning iam having a hard time putting my words together to make him understand Im not wanting to change him, BUT HIS ADDICTION PROBLEM… to better himself

I am asking am I doing the right thing but giving him this choice?
and what should I say to him to make him relize that i do love him and this has to end and needs to grow up

iINFO ON HIM
22 years old
no car
no driver lincense
G.E.D
works for parents business
works under 25 hours a week
making 9 an hour
smokes heavly cigrettes and weed
drinks ALOT of energy drinks

Best answer(s):

Answer by Rad-Tech
I say go ahead and ditch him. If knowing he was going to be a father didn’t change him, then NOTHING will. You are wasting your time and energy on him. He is a loser. My daughter’s father is just about the same person…and he is a loser too.

Answer by livandjaxsmommy
Well from what you’ve wrote to describe him I’d say he doesn’t have a whole lot going for him. I would tell him you don’t want to be with him until he gets his act together… It’s your life, your choice but you have to think about what’s right for your baby. An intervention will on;y help if he’s willing to work at it. There’s nothing you can say to make someone change they haveto decide for themselves. Good luck and COngrats on the baby.

Answer by alicialions
I say you have to give the father a chance, he has as much right to the child as you do. If you want to make it legal and can prove him unfit to have anything to do with the child then do that, but otherwise you are in the wrong to just not allow him access if he wants it.

Answer by Amy G
Ok so I see what you are saying with an intervention but he is only going to change when he wants to.Now I am not judging but didn’t you know these things about him when you got pregnant????I think you are doing the right thing by giving him a choice it shows that you really do love him and you want to continue the relationship if he is willing to step up to his bad habits and look them in the face.You need to realize that this is going to be a long process and change isn’t going to happen overnight and most likely will not even take place before your baby comes.#2 -you can’t say nothing to him to make him “grow up”that has to be in his own time maybe if he refuses to seek help for his addiction and you leave and take baby that will make him grow up (if he cares)Just remember this can’t be an empty threat and you must follow through otherwise your situation will never change.Good luck.

Answer by parent
You do realize that he will not be the same person and he is most likely self medicating a problem. When or if he does come clean it will be a couple of years before he even knows himself. Your young and on your way, why do you want to save him. Even after you clean him up he still may not be a driven person.

Answer by Aikidoka
Look this is a difficult issue. At 22 he’s probably not ready to be a father and is in denial. You do need to wake him up to that fact. Smoking weed is a demotivator and if that was all I would say it is a life choice to smoke it. But since there is the caffine and niccotine addiction as well, the weed is a contributing factor. Bottom line is that your BF is an addict. Its not just weed. Take the weed away and it will be alcohol. He needs to be treated for addiction not Weed addiction. Look at the bigger issue here. He may be ADHD and getting drugs that help regulate his thought processes will help dramatically. Bipolar is another disorder that addition is linked to. Seek professional help in this area as it will not be easy and he will reject the attempt to treat him. Best of luck.

Answer by GagesMomColie
iINFO ON HIM
22 years old
no car
no driver lincense
G.E.D
works for parents business
works under 25 hours a week
making 9 an hour
smokes heavly cigrettes and weed
drinks ALOT of energy drinks

Sounds like my ex minus the weed and the job and the GED.
He’s been out of work for 7 months. Says he;s trying, but I doubt it.
He’s my ex for a reason. He’s not worth the time and effort, he wouldn’t follow through on his promises for getting a GED or his license. He dumped me when I was 4 months pregnant and that was the best thing he ever did.
Dump him, find someone better. Someone out there will want you and your son and can actually provide for you and not be a loser.

Answer by louie
k well, he has already had a choice. you have told him before, shape up or else, and he chose the or else. At this point, you dont need an intervention with everyone, he isnt a druggy from what you have said, he smokes pot. What you can do, between you and him, is sit him down and tell him youre done with his immaturity, lack of responsibility etc. Tell him you want him out untill he can figure out what is important to him. If he wants it to work with you and the baby, then he will work full time and TRY to quit smoking and weed. You cant change someone who doesnt want to change. Right now, he is doing what he is doing because it works for HIM, and he has gotten away with it thus far. Dont drag the family into your issues at this point, from the sounds of it, he is a typcal guy at a young age, not prepared for adulthood and parenthood.
As far as the energy drinks go, they are bad for you. My BF had an addiction to them up untill about 4 months ago. He was drinking 4,5 a day against my warnings and his families warnings… Its a live and learn situation. Now, he is suffering from major stomach issues, cant eat without stomach pains, going for blood work, and getting tested for ulceres. They are dangersous if drank in excess. Moderatly is fine, but even one a day i think is bad.

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