HomeChild CareI feel bad for wanting to file child support. Should I? What do you think?
Posted in Child Care on 25th November 2010

I feel bad for wanting to file child support. Should I? What do you think?
My ex and I have been separated for about 10 years. We have 3 kids together (18, 16, and 14 years old). I left my family and went to live alone in a room in an illegal basement. I was scared, didn’t have legal stay in this country (US), just found a job that barely paid enough, didn’t have friends nor family for support. My ex took “care” of my kids by himself. He never filed for child support, because he said he had “dignity.” I have always kept my relationship with my kids, even though it was hard at times. My ex always came between us, poisoning them with thoughts and even told me that I broke the bond, I have nothing to look for at their house because I’m not their mother anymore. I have made my share of mistakes that have led to our separation, but I still love my kids from my heart. That love is unconditional. About 5 years ago, he married his current wife. They have 2 kids together and moved away to North Carolina. I live in New York. I kept in touch with my sons all this time through phone calls and they tell me all the time that they don’t like the stepmother, how she’s bossy with them, how she hides the food from them, and how she lies about them to get them in trouble, because she apparently doesn’t like my sons too. I hurt me every time I hear their stories and last year, my youngest son, who’s 14, didn’t do well in school. He got in trouble with the school every single day, didn’t do his homework, didn’t go home sometimes, just to avoid being in the same vicinity with his stepmother. My ex decided, with her help, to send him to come and live with me. I was very unsure about my financial situation and my husband’s whole understanding about this. But I took my son anyway. To my great surprise, my husband is completely cooperative. Now my ex is planning on sending my 2nd son to NY, which has gotten me quite concerned about my financial situation now. I barely make enough to live; we just had to move from our own house to a rental apartment because we couldn’t afford the mortgage anymore. I have been working part time between 2 jobs. I want to file for child support to get the financial help, but my sons say that they feel sorry for their father. He never filed for child support when he had them, so I shouldn’t. I feel that it’s not my fault that he didn’t and he should but his “dignity” was in the way then preventing him to do so. I on the other hand, am thinking about our rights and the children’s financial wellbeing rather than dignity. And as they talk like that I have started to feel sorry as well, but I don’t know if we are going to make it financially. Tell me what do you think?

Best answer(s):

Answer by La Vie Boheme
Your husband will still have custody of the other minor child right? In that case, child support cancels each other out. You can always ask for help from him but you wont get a dime going through the courts.

Answer by ouragon
I am in precisely the same situation, except my ex makes about 10 times more than me. My daughter is entitled to it, and I would be unable to meet basic needs without it. He made his choice. You aren’t bound to it. You shouldn’t have financial conversations of this nature with your kids. You don’t owe them an explanation, in my opinion.

If your ex has one child and you have one, but he makes a lot more, you could still receive support.

Answer by **Ghosty**
Hi – this is a long and sad story, and one that is going to need careful unravelling by a professional person. I strongly recommend you go and see a family Lawyer/Solicitor, and see what their advice is.

You must NOT compare your situation OR your conscience with your ex husband – you are a unique individual, trying to cope with a set of unique circumstances – if Child Support is an option, then you should most certainly file for it, take it, and use it.

It seems to me that you have ‘allowed’ situations to happen to you over the years. Continuing to be meek and mild and worried about other people’s thoughts and feelings and viewpoints is NOT going to pay the bills and put food on the table.

I would strongly advise you not to listen to stories of hardship with the stepmom from your children, and most certainly advise you not to comment on those stories. This could develop into a lot of unpleasantness, most of it totally un-necessary. Stick to the facts and the figures, and go and seek professional advice. Take absolutely NO notice of your sons commenting about how sorry they feel for their father, that is not your concern.

Please also be very careful that you don’t end up being a drudge and a housekeeper to lazy teenagers who won’t lift a finger to help you. They must contribute in every way possible if they are going to live with you. Take charge, and set up House Rules as soon as your second son arrives. It does worry me a bit, that the boys start to become troublesome and then suddenly they are shipped out to live with you? Take care with this aspect of things; be firm with those boys.

Be smart and brave, and look forward to the future.

Good luck.

Answer by luciousgreeneyedlady
whoiever has the kids is entitled to child support. dignity has nothing to do with it.

Answer by Amber
Hi my name is Amber. I always had mixed feelings about child support. There are so many parents out there that need it and use it for the right reasons and others who dont need it and child doesnt get a dime of it. I always felt that if a parents wants to have the child live with them full time then they should be the one who supports them. I have a step daughter who only comes over everyother weekend. My husband pays 300dollars a month in childsupport. Last month he paid 647 dollars cause he was behind. His ex is still complaining she cant support their daughter. My husband went to court to get partial custody and they wouldnt give it to him. Our argument was if you cant afford her then let us have her half the week and you can have half the week. Then everything is equal and no child support is needed. She wouldnt do it. So what Id like to ask is what happened to the 647dollars last month that she still has no money for clothes. Mind you, his ex still lives at home with her parents with no car or rent payment. Where is the money? Sorry for the long story but this is why i am partial on child support. Now your story on the other hand is completly different. You need the money. Dont feel bad for asking for it. Your youngest son is 14 so he will only have to pay for 4 years. Im sure it wont break him since he has been taking care of him all this time. In your situation, (coming from someone who doesnt side with child support) I would say go for it. Your kids have been through a lot and deserve it!

Related Post for four Daylight Financial savings Time Ideas

Why Instructional Toys Are Essential to a Youngster’s Improvement
three Ideas for Households to Put together for Winter
Celebrating Thanksgiving with Younger Kids
Recommendations on Learn how to Create Extra Household Time All through the Week
four Daylight Financial savings Time Ideas