HomeBabysittingI am the Maid of Honor in my cousins wedding, but her fiance dislikes me?
Posted in Babysitting on 26th March 2014

I am the Maid of Honor in my cousins wedding, but her fiance dislikes me?
I am the MOH in my cousins wedding, but her fiance has recently decided to dislike me because we went out for her 21st birthday (I’m 25) about 6 months ago and she got pretty drunk. He saw it as me being the older one should have not let her drink so much, I saw it as she’s 21, i’ll let her have a good time, I made sure she got home safe and all of that. (he and i haven’t had a real fight, he just says things to her that are nasty about me) I’m not sure what the real reason is for him to dislike me, but I feel super strange about being the MOH in a wedding when the groom dislikes me. I love my cousin, but it’s taking a lot of time, effort, and money to be in this wedding, not to mention throwing all of the events (showers and parties). I’m not sure how to do all of this tastefully and all the while know that he really dislikes me. How do you give a speech at the wedding and all of that. Should i back down from the commitment, the wedding is in 3 months…help!

Best answer(s):

Answer by Perse
You need to have an adult conversation with the groom where you can get any feelings out on the table and work through them. If this is an impossible task, you may then want to consider resigning from your position.

Answer by ekbaby83
It’s an honor to be asked to be the MOH and I think you should be the bigger person and gracefully help with planning the wedding. I didn’t care for our best man, but he is still my husband’s best friend and I accepted that and what he means to my husband. The groom will understand that you were asked because you are close to his bride and if he loves his bride then it doesn’t matter who she has standing up for her at the wedding. As far as the speech goes, keep it simple. I had only met my best friend’s groom twice before I was MOH (and one of those times was at my own wedding when she was my maid of honor). So I tailored the speech towards my friend. I said something like I’ve known my best friend almost my whole life and I’ve seen her in failed relationships and I’ve seen her when she’s happy and when she talks about her groom I can tell she is truly the happiest and I wish them a lifetime together filled with the happiness in their hearts right now. As for the wedding, I’m assuming you’ve already paid for some things so don’t back down now. Also if he’s upset with you because of his fiance coming home drunk on her 21st birthday then maybe he needs some marriage counseling before the big day (it’s not too late) so they don’t have control issues later on. Your cousin is an adult and can decide how much to drink on her 21st birthday, maybe point out that because she’s 21 (and I’m assuming he’s close in age to her) that marriage counseling might not be a bad idea. Hope this helps.

Answer by baymast13
It’s up to the bride to resolve this. You can tell her you are willing to step down if it’s making things awkward, but I wouldn’t bail on her. If she wants you to continue on with it, just carry on as though he liked you. After all, you don’t have to have that much interaction with him.

Answer by Jenny Lynne
You say he has recently decided to dislike you, so I am assuming he liked you before. Normally, I would tell you to ignore him or tell him to go jump in a lake. That said, me being older, this time why don’t you talk to him in private, ask him what’s the matter and apologize for letting her get drunk (nothing wrong with this) but start out as you mean to go on. This is your cousin and if she loves you enough to choose you as her MOH, then I would swallow my pride this time and do the right thing. You will, I suppose, be seeing him in future family get togethers. He needs to grow up, but Be the better person!!

Answer by h
I would have a sit down conversation with your cousin. Why isn’t she supporting you on this? Why is she letting him bash you that way? She’s marrying him not you and since you’re family and have been since day 1 she should talk to her fiance about what’s going on. If that doesn’t work then I’d suggest all three of you talk. Since it’s 3 months til their wedding day you’re cutting it pretty close with dropping out of it but if you don’t want to have the MOH role then you need to tell her ASAP.

Answer by haute.pepper
You’ve already made the commitment to your cousin and it would be unfair to back out now. I’m sure your cousin is a lovely woman, but it seems to me that she has some maturity issues to work out. She should have immediately reminded her fiance that she is a grown woman responsible for her own behavior. It’s not up to anyone else to “let” her do anything. Also, it sounds from your post like the fiance isn’t taking up the issue with you, but with her. Why is she stirring the pot by telling you what he’s saying? It’s only serving to upset you and bring tension into the wedding and the family. Unless he wants to confront you directly, I would grin and bear it through the wedding planning. Do you really care what this guy thinks? You’re not the one marrying him and be glad of that. If he does raise the subject with you, tell him politely that you are not responsible for someone elses behavior and ask him if he plans to “babysit” his wife for the rest of her life and take responsibility for the mistakes she makes. It’s a ridiculous notion.
He overreacted to the situation to begin with but why is he holding such a grudge 6 months after the fact? Sounds like the problem is his controlling behavior. Good luck with this.

Answer by Libby
Too bad your cousin’s fiance sees her as a child who needs to be taken care of by others, rather than an adult woman capable of making her own decisions. That’s going to cause them problems later.

If you’re comfortable enough, I think you should say, “Look, dude, I’m busting my a** for your wedding, and it’s costing me a lot of money, so the least you could do is drop the attitude. A ‘thank you’ would be nice, too. So let’s act like adults, shall we?”

Answer by Avis B
YOU should never participate in a wedding that will make you feel unhappy or uncomfortable or angry.

Since the wedding is only three months away, I’m sure you have already invested a substantial amount of money into it (wedding attire, shoes, gifts, etc) so just walking away is not the answer UNLESS the Groom becomes more rude and aggressive, and then you have every right to walk away.

So how do you propose a toast “to the happy couple?” You keep it short and simple. If a wedding toast is longer than two minutes, it is too long. Just wish them the best, raise your glass in celebration and then sit down.

Personally, I would keep as far away as possible from the Groom at the reception because if he is drinking you are not going to have a nice day, and he really does not care.

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer by Spindrift
He is being very childish and more than a little controlling, one, your cousin is not a child and you are not her mother, she is just a few years younger than you and old enough to drink responsibly and two, he has no right to be such an asshole, three, you need to confront him and talk it out, tell him you are more than aware of his animosity and his mean spirited gossip about you over nothing and ask him point blank how he feels about you being in the wedding. If he gives you any negative response at all, then you should withdraw, and frankly, I would not even attend the wedding and I’d make sure the cousin knew what sort of idiot she is marrying.

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