HomeChild CareHow do you feel about this?
Posted in Child Care on 11th September 2012

How do you feel about this?
I saw this today and it baffled my mind that some parents believe this:

“Parents should reward good behavior and ignore bad behavior”

I wholeheartedly agree with rewarding good behavior, but to ignore bad behavior….what does that teach the child? Doesn’t that send the message to the child of “since mommy/daddy ignore my bad behavior it doesn’t matter if I carry on because they don’t seem to care”?

That doesn’t teach the child anything but that they can get away with their misbehavior because it is simply ignored. What about when they become teenagers….adults…? Will their bad behavior be ignored in school or in the work place? How about breaking the law…will the police ignore it?

I’m just a bit taken aback by that kind of thinking.
Zaza: I can possibly see that working for a toddler, but using that method into pre-teen, teenage years and beyond….I’m sorry but bad behavior must be addressed, acknowledged and corrected. That method of parenting is not always effect and to tell you the truth I have seen that type of parenting more and more often and all too often the kids are awful.
Zaza: Ahh I understand. 🙂 I can see using it for little kids, but I thought you meant that it works for all children of all ages well into teenage years, lol. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
By little kids I mean toddlers and only for some of the obvious “I’m doing this for attention behavior” like tantrums, but for coloring on the walls, doing something dangerous or things of that nature I believe that should always be addressed and corrected.

Best answer(s):

Answer by Heather R
that’s why society is becoming the way it is. because now dicipline is abuse and illegal.. so more and more kids don’t know how to behave.

Answer by pisces1932
i think that could breed a serial killer – like letting them torture animals and kick and bite other kids and not punishing them, but then giving rewards if they do the least little good thing. it would give them a huge sense of entitlement. whoever came up with that idea is a lazy idiot. it will make their children narcissists who think they can override the rights of others with their own needs & desires.

Answer by Griggnax
My wife is a teacher and deals with this daily. The kids come to school and have no respect for authority, no respect for themselves or each other and just do whatever they want. If the school tries to punish them, the parents get angry at the teachers because they’re not “controlling the classroom”.
Or if my wife calls a kids home to explain the problem, the parent says, “I don’t believe you…Johnny is a good kid”. It’s nuts.
I don’t think that the cops or future employers will ignore bad behavior though…we’re going to have a whole generation of young adults who don’t know how to control themselves or their behavior serving us fries at McD’s.
It’s a shame.

Answer by HEH
Bad behavior should be acknowledged and a punishment should be given such as. . . time out, or no video games or t.v, or even extra chores without an increase of allowance. I am a mother of three and I do not think for any reason bad behavior should be ignored. Ignoring a problem is basically the same as approving of it.

Answer by zaza
There is psychology to back up this method. If you only pay attention to the positive things a child does, he is more likely to behave in such a way. Children desperately want two things….to get attention from their parents and to please their parents.

However, if you do NOT give negative attention to the negative behavior (which for a toddler this could mean dozens of times in a day) they are less likely to repeat that behavior.

This results in a child behaving in a way that gets the parents attention and approval.

EDIT** You are absolutely right. This method is used for very young children with the belief that it will carry into their years beyond. I think that understanding what “bad” behavior to overlook is the key……..basically not giving too much reaction to the “bad” behavior. Sometimes the less we say and calmer we react to “bad” behavior is the most effective.

EDIT** You are right again. You are a smart mom. You know what bad behaviors to overlook. (writing on the walls is not one of them lol)

Answer by tishkabob2004
Of course it depends on the behavior in question. If your son is coloring on the walls you can’t ignore it. But, when he gets a piece of paper instead you can defiantly reward him with a comment such as ” I like that you got a piece of paper” What a good boy you are coloring on the paper”

The process of ignoring the bad behavior and rewarding good behavior is so you child gets positive attention for good behavior and soon will want to do good things. When you ignore the bad behavior (sometimes done for attention) you are not rewarding the bad behavior by giving the child attention even though it is negative attention

Answer by *redneck* *woman*
sounds like something them people that thinks “spanking is child abuse” would say. That is idiotic to ignore bad behavior. I would hate to be around that kid, lol

Answer by Moira
I can’t say I would agree with it, even for tantrums and what-not.
For a tantrum: address the issue, tell them that their behavior is certainly not going to get them what they want and then explain how they should behave. If it continues after this, then it should be considered misbehaving.
For misbehaving: Address the issue, explain why it is wrong, and handle accordingly.
If nipped in the bud early enough then later in life it should not be as difficult to deal with, at least to the teenage years when they begin to think they know more than the adults :-).

Answer by ghetto_princess283
That’s insane. What good could that ever do a child?
How about… “Parents should reward good behavior, and correct bad behavior.” ??
That’s better =)
ha ha

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