HomeWorking Mothershas anyone else cared for aging parents?
Posted in Working Mothers on 25th July 2011

has anyone else cared for aging parents?
I’m in my 30’s, my mother in her mid 60’s. We bought a home together so I could care for her & the home…and she still cooks which works well for me 🙂

The problem is, she still seems to think I”m still a teen (or even younger at times) and at times I’d just like to have my own place again, but she has heart trouble & other health issues & I’m too afraid to leave & feel I would be abandoning her.

But she “mothers” me about everything. She has OCD so she’s constantly nagging me to wash my hands over every little thing I touch. I have a set up like an apt. upstairs, but she tells me what I can & can’t have in it. (today she found out I had plans to upgrade my fishtank from a 5 to 10 gal. tank…and she had a COW)

I know if I left all I would do is worry (tried it). At times I just feel trapped. We get along quite well, but I hate this mothering deal. Has anyone else been thru this?

Best answer(s):

Answer by hellsangel507
One of my friends is going through the same thing. She feels like since her mom is older and not as well as she once was that she has to stay home on her days off and cant date. But finally she stood up to her mom and told her look. I am a grown woman you cant tell me who and what i can and cannot do.
Me and my husband are living with his mother and its not real easy to deal with, But shes sick and cant always do alot. But we made an agreement, we are staying here until the end of the year then we are moving to South Carolina. We have to start our own lives with ourselfs not our parents..

Answer by William D
Actually, it was my mother-in-law. When I married my wife she was living with her mother and the age gap between the two was a bit larger than in your case. My mother-in-law was part of the deal and she actually owned the house but my wife (and then my wife and I) made the payments. So it was a kind of deal. Anyway my mother-in-law was constantly thinking she was “in charge” and telling her daughter what to do. My wife just had to repeatedly stand up to her and tell reinforce that she loved her and respected her as her mother but she was an adult and would make her own decisions.

We treated her mother with the respect due her, and she had a say in anything that affected the house and in stuff we were doing together as a family, but she did not have a say in stuff that was just between me and my wife, or only my wife alone. It required my wife to be firm, however.

Answer by Wise Guy!
You are still her baby, always will be, no matter how old you get. As long as she is you’re mother you will be her daughter/son. You can not take that away from her, she birthed you.

You must not be a parent or you would somehow understand a little bit of where she is coming from.

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