HomeWorking MothersFrom close to marriage to mama’s boy syndrome.. ?
Posted in Working Mothers on 13th January 2011

From close to marriage to mama’s boy syndrome.. ?
Hello,

I have been with my boyfriend for close to 7 years.. I’m 24 and he is 29, 4 years of those while he has been in the Marines and now he is back. A year before he came back we got engaged and when he came back he wanted to get married immediately and move in together but I tried to explain to him that he had no job and without a job it worried me as to how we are going to make it with only me working. So after numerous fighting about that and about how I felt he slightly changed (although we were emotionally close while he was in the Marines, I still felt a change of attitude) we broke up. We got back together after a month, and we decided to work it out but we were no longer engaged just boyfriend and girlfriend.

Now, a year and a half later we are still boyfriend and girlfriend and with no talks about marriage and even moving in together. He is just focused on taking care of his mother and buying her a house.. now come on.. a house is a 30 year commitment! I really feel cheated out of this because while he was in the Marines he said that we wants to get a house for us two (with the help of his VA home loan he has available) and then he switches it up on me and only talks about how he wants to buy his mom a house? His response to me is as follow: “I have seen my mother work all of her life and since when I first got out of the Marines and things didnt work out b/t you and I, I now want to focus on my mom and making sure she is set in life..”. This gives me so many mixed feelings, I know he wants to take care of his mother and that’s respectable but what about us? The house he used to constantly talk to me about he wanted to get for us is now all about her..? I’m not trying to be selfish here but I feel that he is making it seem like I lost my turn to be first since we broke up and now it’s all about her. He has another brother who he bickers with b/c to him, he is not stepping up as he should. His brother moved out when he was 27 and now he is 34, and he said that he loves his mom and he can give her some money monthly but he A. will never move back home… and B. will not want such a commitment such as a house although he loves his mother.

Also his mother is now more than ever babying him, he is a 29 year old man?! Constantly worrying that he eats properly, and worrying what time he gets home, and if he sleeps adequately.. I get frustrated with him and he says “well, you know mothers..”. I know he loves me very much, but lately he constantly talks about how he is broke and that he has to give his mom money here and there.. he has told her to stop working and it’s really honorable of him to want to take care of her but it has come at our relationship’s expense. This is because now we are more farther away to marriage and moving in together than ever before. Before, I didnt think it was a good idea for us to get married yet because he had no job, and now he is cop and makes decent money but it’s hard for him to save since he has put so much new responsibility on his shoulders (as you can tell I only mention his mom b/c his dad passed away 11 years ago). Sometimes I feel like she wants to replace a husband figure with her son.

Any comments, or advice will be much appreciated!

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