HomeWorking MothersFED UP WITH MY MOTHER. Please advise.?
Posted in Working Mothers on 4th December 2010

FED UP WITH MY MOTHER. Please advise.?
My Mom has been raising my little sisters daughter for the past 3 years. My sister is 21 and takes no initiative to raise her own child… so my Mom has taken over and my sister can do whatever she wants. She still lives at home with my parents, goes to college (when she feels like it) and doesn’t have a job. I am 28 and I have a son. I work only 1 day a week and my Mom watches my son (and my niece) just that one day. But I’m getting upset because she just doesn’t seem interested in my son. She dotes on and is obsessed with my niece who she says is “more my (her) daughter than her (my sister) mothers!” I come back from work and she is ignoring my son who she leaves to roll around on the floor and is catering to my niece. It seems like she isn’t into him and it breaks my heart. I’m starting to not even want a relationship with her anymore. I’ve tried to talk to her about this and she just says “I love them the same” but it’s obvious that she doesn’t. What should I do?
By the way. I am married and live in my own home. Just in case people are wondering. I take my son to my parents house 1 day a week for my Mom to watch.
What bothers me is that she just watches him out of a sense of obligation because she takes care of my niece… but when I leave him she doesn’t act happy to see him. She isn’t the same with him as she is with my niece. That’s what’s bothering me. And she actually only watched him every other week most of the time because when my husband is off he watches him. She doesn’t even call for over a week.

For Christmas she went crazy with my niece (about 10 gifts from her and my Dad) and my son only got 2 little dinky things (which I know shouldn’t matter) because she says “He’s little. He won’t know the difference.” But when my niece was his age there were MOUNDS of gifts. I know it sounds petty. But I wish things were more balanced. I wonder if I should distance myself?

Best answer(s):

Answer by So Paid
Find someone else to watch your son. Don’t complain, be proactive.

Answer by Miriam Z
She’s raising your niece so she has more of relationship with her then with your son. I’m sure that’s difficult for you. You can always get someone else to watch your son that one day a week you work if you feel he’s being neglected. Good luck.

Answer by artysldr
I’d agree with those that say to find someone else to watch your son. Maybe his absence or possibly your decision alone will help your mother get the hint! You know the saying – you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone. Good luck.

Answer by Muna H
I think that you should look her seriously in the eye and ask her ‘why?’ Its probably because your son has been spending less time with your mother. You should organize one day with just the two of them and see what happens.

Answer by jd28spot
ah, the hell with ’em all……if they can’t appreciate you and your son…..come live with me, I’ll take care of you both! hugs!!!!

Answer by Jennalove311
I think you need to be the mature one here and just simply tell her you will no longer be needing her to watch your son, and find someone who will treat him like he deserves. I can’t believe a grandmother os treating her grandchild that way; my mother goes nuts over my kids, and my nieces! Good luck with this. I’m sure once she is no longer watching him, she’ll see how she was behaving.

Answer by sd_mcbride
I agree, with the others, you need to find someone else to babysit that one day a week. I grew up with a “stepdad” who tried to tell us that he loved me and my sister Amy, just as much as he loved our sister Rebekah and our little brother Aaron (his kids). But he beat us, and not them. We would go spend a week with his mother during the summer. Me and Amy, and then Rebekah and Aaron. My Mom would always give us a little bit of spending money. Joyce would take us out to eat, and make us pay for it! We were like 10 and 11 at the time. She would tell us that’s what the money, our Mom had given us, was for. I can remember once or twice she simply took the money from us, and told us it was supposed to be gas money, for driving us around! She always reminded us both that she loved us like we were her own, even though we weren’t. She would always take us grocery shopping the day before we left, which happened to be the day before she would start keeping our sister and brother. She always wanted to make sure that she had their favorite things in the house while they were there. She would have us help her pick out things we knew they liked.

If your mother is favoring one grandbaby over the other, don’t think he won’t figure it out. Granted, your neice probably feels more like a daughter, but that’s no excuse. I wouldn’t tolerate it, and I wouldn’t subject my son to that atmosphere. Just think what it’s going to do to his self esteem in the future. It’s not worth it. Hopefully she’ll come around and what to be his grandma, but I wouldn’t force him on her, and I wouldn’t force her on him.

Answer by elaine
maybe you should sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel.if it bothers you that much maybe you should consider putting your son in daycare that one day a week since there wont be any favoritism there. but i dont think you should distance yourself from her since she is and will always be your mother.good luck!!!

Answer by xuxuman08
call her and tell her she’s a good person.

Answer by pllbrn
First of all I think that you and your son need to take some time off from grandma. It seems to me that your mother is trying to make up for something with your sister like not giving her enough growing up or something. The best thing for you to do is to slowly wean you and your family away from your mother and when she notices the change and asks about it just tell her that it was obvious that she and your sister needed more time for your niece and you were happy to be of help. It’s not a lie and you would be doing you and your son a huge favor. It may hurt you to have this distance between you and your mother but in the long run it will help. Still include her in things such as birthdays etc. but include her in such a way where she must come to your house not the other way around. This way if she doesn’t show up she is only hurting herself by not being a part of her grandsons life.

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