HomeChild CareDo you think this too…?
Posted in Child Care on 26th August 2011

Do you think this too…?
“Adoption from foster care is the ONLY reason why adoption needs to exist.”

I read this from an answer to a recent question. I do not believe that foster care is the only reason to have adoptions. What if there is an unwanted pregnancy, the mother has the baby, and does not want to parent the child? Should the child live the foster-care “lifestyle”, which damages childrens’ souls or wouldn’t it be better to have an early private adoption completed for the child instead?
Corrected sentence:

What if there is an unwanted pregnancy, the mother has the baby, and neither the mother or father do not want to parent the child?

Best answer(s):

Answer by Heather B
It’s quite rare that a mother genuinely ‘doesn’t want’ her child. Very rare indeed.

Most pregancies aren’t planned.

Answer by Me K
Most kids are in foster care because NO matter how SEVERE the abuse is..the system tries to keep the kids involved with their parents and will give the kids false hope they can go back one day EVEN when they know, there isn’t a snow ball chance in hell..And A VERY HIGH % of foster parent’s…IS a family Business and THEY all do Foster care and couldn’t care less what those kids are doing or where they are, as long as they have their money on the 1st of the month!!!!! I know this because every other person I know-NOT like Or have anything to do with…in MY county alone..is in the family Business and believe me, they are no REAL parent to their own kid, let alone the foster care kids…BUT, our government is so busy worrying about other countries, they couldn’t care less that are own country is going to hell in a hand basket and starving, being raped, just to be put back into the hands of worse!!!!!!!!!!!! With that said….YES I believe kids should be allowed to be adopted, but they get so much money for keeping them in the system, they can’t give that up!!!!!!!!!!! Calling on these people..is an even bigger joke!!!!!!!!!!!! I take better care of the stray animals, than some of these kids who are in foster care and even these women who have their own kids, take care of…SAD!!!!!!!!!

Let me add..BY all means don’t think about this poor innocent child BEFORE you get pregnant and whether you kill it in the womb or after it’s born it’s still MURDER!!!!!!!! This child doesn’t deserve what sins the parents have done!!!!! They deserve a good loving home and if you can’t give it to them, let someone who loves children for the right reasons raise it from the beginning…NOT after you have thrown into the hands of several abusers, then finally taken away because you are unfit, then because it is in such bad shape from the abuse…foster care in lousy homes is it’s only chosen life because you were selfish and didn’t give it up and admit your failure to begin with!!!!!!!!!

And thumbs down me all you want..we know there is good foster care, but there are even more bad ones!!!!!!! Keep thumbs downing me, we all know you are in for the money!!! When you make a living because you have had 50-80 foster kids and didn’t even do a good job raising your own, don’t try and justify how much you love kids to me!!!! The true caring foster parents, knows I am speaking the truth because they see the many in these classes they have to take and $ $ signs are in their eyes!!!!!! Props for the good ones and the good adoptive parents..but for the bad ones, God has your punishment in hell!!!!!!!

Answer by Lori A
My daughter spent 2 months in Foster care anyway, waiting for all the paperwork and probably me to change my mine before they would release her to her parents. So really want would be the difference? Lots of babies go into foster care before being adopted.

Just to be clear, there was never a moment I didn’t want her.

Answer by Lillie
Yep, I think so.

So I take it you don’t think fathers have rights too?

ETA: Hmmm, from the answers I’m getting to my question, seems like everyone who was faced with an unexpected pregnancy would either abort or make room for baby.

Sorry, Krusty.

Answer by kateiskate
Well even myself being adopted from Korea I was with a foster family for some time before I came here to my aparents. I believe there should be LESS adoption, and better, more AWARE, more strict adoption. I really think post adoption therapy should be mandated as homestudies are. But your question wasn’t about how we can reform adoption. I think adoption from foster care is the really one of the best ways you can REALLY “help a child in need” without participating in the corrupt adoption industry. I am less trusting of anyone who says “I want to adopt a baby privately” in the same breath as “I want to help a child”. Really? If you really wanted to “help a child” wouldn’t you try and help one that really needed it? Such as one who already is without parents?

Answer by LovetheLORDfirst
You are right.

Unfortunately, there are people on here who make large generalizations due a few negative experiences. A good example is a senior citizen I spoke with who, when she was a teenager, had her parents seclude her during pregnancy, give her baby up for adoption, and separate her and her boyfriend. Later, she was able to reconnect with her son. He is in his 40s now and has had a horrible life. These type of people have come to the drastic conclusion that all pre-birth matching is wrong.

We can only pray for them and continue to make the decisions that we believe are best. God bless!

Answer by sizesmith
I agree that if parents wish to place a child, it should be their right, although I think that every parent ought to receive state paid counseling (otherwise it might not happen), before placing a child.

Answer by Randy B
As far as I am concerned, you’re right. There are different forms of adoption that people choose and they choose it for very personal reasons. Some want to do it personally. I’m talking both sides here. Some choose to do it through a private or religious agency. Some choose to do it with other family members and some do it because they have no choice and their children are taken from them by the system.

Now, if someone wants to roll all of those forms up into one nice neat little package called the foster care system then they will need to ensure that the system is funded and staffed properly, that it encompasses all the things about the other systems that people are drawn to (again, I’m talking both sides of the equation, those who adopt and those who put children for adoption for what ever reason) and they will need to ensure that any and all other variables are covered.

It’s such a big issue, and so personal to many, that I honestly don’t believe that you can make everyone happy. If you open birth records fully then there will be those who scream because they don’t want their info shared or can’t have their info shared. If you do away with private adoptions then there will be those who don’t want to just pass their baby over to a big anonymous “system” and who want the one on one contact with the adoptive parents. If you make all adoptions open then there will be those who don’t want it or those for whom they feel it is detrimental to either the child’s wellbeing or the wellbeing of the adoptive family as a whole.

If everything goes to a foster care type system then I can’t help but wonder where all of the children will be housed. Right now in my city of 750,000+ people there are over 120 children in foster care who must live supervised in hotels because there are not enough homes for them. Can we find enough homes? Sure but that would require people being paid to be foster parents and just two days ago there was a heated discussion here about how it’s wrong to pay foster parents and/or adoptive parents and that they just do it for the money.

Its really a no win situation. I think the system(s) we have in place now are for the best and that they need some adjustments to make them more efficient, more stable and more suitable for their purposes.

Answer by anastasia beaverhausen-the real1
ever heard of family preservation? ever heard of relative guardianship? ever heard of temporary custody?

ever heard of abortion?

Answer by Laurel J
Why yes, I do think adoption should only exist to serve the needs of children who are already alive. It has been about the wants of grown-ups for far too long.

I don’t think your example happens very often in this age of birth control and abortion. Some people keep the kid and discover later they are terrible parents. But I can’t imagine many women carrying a baby for nine months and then say “I don’t want this thing, take it away.”

Have you ever met such a woman?

And do you really not believe “an early private adoption” damages a child’s “soul”? It does.

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