HomeChild Supportdivorced dads do you pay “extra” for things that should be covered under “child support”?
Posted in Child Support on 20th December 2010

divorced dads do you pay “extra” for things that should be covered under “child support”?
What i mean is if you pay the max the court ordered(child support,daycare,and medical expensives) plus have joint custody 50% do u pay for extra things like sports fees,toys/clothes for your ex’s house ect?My husbands ex will have thier son call and ask his dad to pay for these things and he allways does.Now money is very tight for us and his ex is not hard up.Now i’m not an evil stepmom(i love my stepson) and my hus is not a dead beat dad i just feel these things should come from the child support money my hus is allready paying her.i feel his ex is taking advantage of my husbands love for his son as this happens often.Should i just let this go?I have tryed to talk to him about it but he just get defensive.

Best answer(s):

Answer by sinistermooess
now that my ex is paying child support we no longer ask him to chip in any extra money for anything. Birthday presents and such that come from him come out of his pocket as extra from the child support but thats it.

Answer by jenniferjohnson2008
If your husband has 50% custody, there should be no money exchanging hands other than 50% of school and medical fees, plus any acivities the parents AGREE UPON TOGETHER.

Your husband’s ex is turning him into the bad guy, saying “You can be in ______ only if Daddy will pay for it.” Then if dad says no, he looks like the bad guy. Yur husband should put a stop to it, sit down with his ex and decide what activities they can afford together.

Answer by Kristin
I feel that child support is for basics like food, housing, clothing, daycare etc. Things like special school field trips or sporting goods etc. should be a shared cost between both parents. The issue with the toys that are housed at the mothers house.. well thats just silly.

Now if he has custody 50% of the time.. he shouldnt be paying child support in my opinion.. but I guess it depends on the court.

My daughters father pays child support but only half of what the court was going to order him to pay. We both felt it was way to high. He doesnt pay medical either. I never ask him for a dime more than what he pays.

Answer by tll
my parents would always try to split it…..like my mom would pay for it one year and my dad the next….or my dad would pay, but since my mom drove us there she had to pay for the gas……ect…. If this does not work for you you need to have your husband have a talk w/ his ex and just let her know things are tight for you all right now and it would be appreciated if she would check w/ you first before having your step son call and ask

Answer by lillilou
You answered yourself in your own question wording – extras vs child support. Two different things.

Answer by mustanggirl84@sbcglobal.net
First of all I want to say I am in the exact sam e position!!
It is very very hard to be a step-mom. We pay CS and Medical BUT my hubby was never married to her so there is no custody agreement, which means every time she gets ticked, she pulls his son…we have talked with numerous lawyers who give us the run-around and just care about the $ $ .
I too feel that these things should come from the CS payments, and not more out of your pocket. That isn’t fair to you guys. I would sit down and have a serious conversation and tell your hubby you won’t allow it anymore.

Answer by Beth
Okay…I work in Child Support…here’s my say in this:

Usually extra stuff that your husband pays for (for example, sports equipment like you metioned) is not included with the child support. His current child support amount is based on his income, medical that he pays, and daycare expenses.

He can refuse to not pay for extra things for his son…but take a look at the actual order, and see what is actually ordered. Few people actually look and see what ordered, besides the actual child support amount they have to pay!!!

Also, current child support is based on his income and her income combined together…you get a current child support amount, and then his share of the combined income is what he has to pay. (Or her share is what she has to pay if the situtation is reversed).

Your husband can ask for a modification, but sometimes that is good or bad. The child support can modify upwards or downwards-you have no idea until all the financial information is sent to the caseworker.

It seems to me that your husband is a great guy, and wants to pay for extra expenses his ex asks for. If he gets defensive, it’s probably because he wants to help his son. I’m not saying that to be mean, I hope you understand. I seldom see something like that happen in my office!!!

Good luck!!!

Answer by hopefloats16
Unfortunately it is not really up to you. Not to be mean, but just from you saying he gets defensive, if you keep at him about it it could actually strain your relationship with him. And what if ex finds out, do you think she would now have a problem saying, well since your step mom doesnt wanna pay you cant do such and such. It is a touchy subject, but it is his to deal with with his ex. You have told him what you want to happen, but until he is willing and able to put his foot down, it can only back fire on you. He may think that you dont care about his son but only about the money. I know it sounds harsh but I dont want you ruining your relationship with either him or his son. You should be grateful he is willing to do what it takes to raise his son and hes not just worried about the money. He loves his son.Good luck.

Answer by kendi
I can absolutely sympathize with what you are going through. my fiancee’s ex is the same way, except she does not work. She puts his son in the middle, tells him inappropriate things, and we are expected to pay for EVERYTHING. She wants more child support, and we have him over 50% of the time. We are looking into getting a mediator. Nothing can be decided amicably, so we have to bring someone in from the outside. There has to be a line. You don’t want the child to suffer because of the problems the parents have, but sometimes it is unavoidable and it may get more difficult before it gets better. Sorry if this is no help. Hang in there, and know that there are other people going through the same situation. We are miserable too!! Focus on the good things in your life. Find the bright spots and it will make it a little more bearable until it all passes.

Answer by musicpanther67
It depends on the father. If he wants to pay these extra things then let him. I wish my son’s father was like that. Or at least wanted to see him. I think extras should be covered by child support and if it doesn’t cover it all then either take the child out of a few activities or spilt the cost with the mother. It’s her child too. When I get my son’s support I always buy him clothes or something he may need for school. I also pay bills with it. But I always make sure he gets something from these checks because it’s for him and not me.

Related Post for Maple Bear Pioneers ‘Computational Pondering’ Program for Preschoolers

Disciplining your Preschooler – Attend knowledgeable session !!
Love In direction of Books Begins with Preschool
Should know elements to implement Daycare Profit to your firm
Ipsaa begins a brand new heart in Bangalore at Status Poseidon
Maple Bear Pioneers ‘Computational Pondering’ Program for Preschoolers