HomeChild Supportdivorced dads do you pay “extra” for things that should be covered under “child support”?
Posted in Child Support on 1st June 2011

divorced dads do you pay “extra” for things that should be covered under “child support”?
What i mean is if you pay the max the court ordered(child support,daycare,and medical expensives) plus have joint custody 50% do u pay for extra things like sports fees,toys/clothes for your ex’s house ect?My husbands ex will have thier son call and ask his dad to pay for these things and he allways does.Now money is very tight for us and his ex is not hard up.Now i’m not an evil stepmom(i love my stepson) and my hus is not a dead beat dad i just feel these things should come from the child support money my hus is allready paying her.i feel his ex is taking advantage of my husbands love for his son as this happens often.Should i just let this go?I have tryed to talk to him about it but he just get defensive.

Best answer(s):

Answer by Lovely
How old is his son? I don’t like it when the mother doesn’t save the money for the kids for items that they need for sports or what ever. Be supportive, Tell your husband to remember this is for your son.

Answer by butterflymoon
My ex bearely pays the child support he is ordered and never sees either of our kids anymore(he hasn’t in almost 3 years the same age as our son). His mother has told me that his girlfriend doesn’t want our children in their lives or around their child.
Your best bet is to stay out of it unless you want everyone looking at you the way that they look at my ex’s girlfriend. My kids don’t even like her.

Answer by Brenda V
I am not a divorced dad how ever I am a divorced mom paying child support to my ex husband who got physical custody of our children I too have 50% joint cutody and in my oppinion I think that if you have the money to do so go for it I do and I’m not poor because I choose to do this try it it gives you a great feeling. and trust me the LORD will pour his blessings unto you.

Answer by **Mr. A**
well, the money should also be used to pay for the house…
child support is for the kid’s food, toys, clothes, and even to help put a roof over the child’s head.
is his ex married?
if not, she may need extra help for things like sports fees and such.
she may be having a hard time paying her house rent and morgage and stuff that she has little left over for just enough food and clothes for the both of them

Answer by ~Biz~
Just based on your description, you may be right. Some people are just Users – even moms. But I’m not sure that you have a choice but to let it go. This seems to be a touchy subject for him, and he seems to want to do this for the ex, or for the child. Whatever his motives, that’s a good man that would do this without complaint. Try switching your focus to what kind of man he is, so that the inequity of it all doesn’t hinder your relationship.

Best wishes!

Answer by LittleMermaid
I would say it would depend on exactly how much child support he was paying. Child support is supposed to go to support the child. Meaning paying towards his clothes, school supplies, the water and electricity he uses, bed he sleeps in, and food he eats. These necessities are what the child support should go for first and formost. These necessities are what the father (non-custodial parent) would be paying for if the child lived with them. The amount of money that it would take to pay for 1/2 of these necessities, depends on the amount of child support payed and the individual child. For example, the food costs on a 3 yr. old would probably be much less that the costs on a 12 yr. old.

Those extras you mentioned, should come after the necessities are taken care of. If the child support is used up on the necessities, then I do feel the non-custodial parent should chip in on the extras. I also don’t feel that a parent should be expected to cover more, just because they make more than the other parent. Just because the mom makes $ 80,000, the dad shouldn’t get away with paying for less just because he only makes $ 40,000.00. They are equally responsible, regardless of what the other makes. This also holds true for a father who makes more than the mom, being responsible for paying for more than her.

It also depends on how much extra the mom is asking the dad to pay. If she is going over board, asking him to chip in on something extra 2-3 times a week, then I would say that the dad and she need to have a long, serious talk about all these extras.

Answer by Katharine ♥♥♥♥
Ok – I am guilty of this — its just frustrating when when my kids dad didn’t do anything for them – including picking them up when he was supposed to – so, if the kids begged for something – i would say… ask your dad….. my ex always said no to them – to ask me – so – I never say that to them anymore — I get child support – so, I do believe that I should be paying for all of their things – even though at the time I didn’t feel that way. I think your husband needs to start saying no — The Ex-wife is always having the kids ask – because he says yes — When he starts to say No – and says it enough – the kids will quit asking (aka – mom telling the kids to call and ask)
Of course the mom is going to take advantage of it – if the dad always says yes…
I don’t know how you can convince your husband to say no once in awhile — tell him if he wants to do that – to get them things for YOUR house.

The extras are something that should be given as a gift — NOT because the ex wants him to buy something…(thats my beliefs). he should only have to do it if he chooses to — not when he is told to.

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