HomeWorking MothersDealing with a filipino auntie?
Posted in Working Mothers on 19th January 2011

Dealing with a filipino auntie?
My aunt on my mom’s side of the family. Recently, decided she wanted to immigrate – meaning moving in with my mother and me. The relation I have is very strenuous with my relatives because I grew up with these people.

It was decided “by them”. when I was younger that mothers relatives should bring me up in the because she was a single parent. From my understanding it meant also “increasing in the monthly allowance” she sends – to help with my upkeep. after a few years I manage to persuade my mother to take be back – it was better for me to be with her. Just to say those years weren’t the best.

Having graduated college recently by working two night job to put myself through it. My aunt the main one responsible for that decision for me to be left in the Philippines.Its her time to migrate and to live with me and my mother.Knowing the strained feelings for those relatives especially her. Again she moved herself in and pressuring my mother not to tell me. until she was in the country and in the house. I only found out when I came home from work.

This caused a lost of trouble between me and mother.first not being told about it. secondly, nothing that I could do about either throw her out onto the streets or pay for her to go back to the Philippines. Having hesitantly accepting her to move in after a month she begins throwing her weight about.

I’ve bitten my tongue until recently after graduating and still looking for a decent graduate job. She’s started to float the idea – “That am old enough to move out after graduating with no decent job. in order, to make more room for her children come live her and my mother.” Again putting a lot of pressure on my mother who seems unable to say no to her. here reasoning to me is always “Utang Na Loob” for her older sister.

I just don’t know on how to deal with this aunt. If i react it’ll be either me moving out or my mother throwing her own sister out. Any advice dealing with this relative would be welcomed…
She moved in about few months ago and looking for work.No she doesn’t pay any rent….

Best answer(s):

Answer by Matt T
Give her a second chance.

Who knows, she might have took steps to be a better person than what she was in the past.

Answer by C A
She should be ashamed of herself. Is she working at all? If yes she should find an apartment for her and her kids. Your mom is too nice and afraid to tell her sister but she doesn’t see that it bothers you.

You need to talk with your mom and tell her how you feel. How can you move out without a job? Is your aunt going to pay for you expenses?

Your aunt is taking advantage of your mom she needs to stop. Is she paying rent?

Answer by Phoenix
It would be best if you let your mother know your thoughts regarding this matter. Perhaps if both of you could exchange ideas on how to settle this problem in a more civilize manner rather than hurting each others feelings.

Somehow, your mother is caught between you her child and your Aunt, her sister.

Reach a compromise with your mother and you both take it from there.

Answer by Beetlle
That’s a really difficult situation. I agree with Matt T., that she should be given a chance to change her attitude, and at the same time to let your mom appease her feeling of gratitude towards her older sister.

but let it be known that your mom is still the head of the household and should be treated as such, just like how your mom treated her older sister when you were living with her. I’m sure you and your mom had to stick to her rules since you were under her roof, and I think your aunt should extend the same courtesy to you and your mom now that she is living under yours.

Let her know that you don’t have to leave your house if you don’t want to. And I think that the idea of you moving out just to make room for her kids is ridiculous. Did she throw out her own kid on the street to make room for you? I think not.

Answer by @@love@@
Hi, first in my honest opinion, she doesn’t has the right to tell whether you have to move out or stay in your mother’s house,the decision should be between you and your mother. Your mother can still recognize her “utang na loob” in some other ways, like letting her stay in your house without asking any financial help from her. I guess you have to have a one on one and heart to heart talk with your mother, open up your feelings with her so you would be able to fully/completely deal with your concerned and anxieties and able to come up with a considerable decision that could benefit you, your mother and your auntie.

Answer by brecht
I’ve dealt with this kind of people before. I know exactly what you mean by how your aunt tries to make your mother feel guilty. My parents were treated like this before and I know from experience that people like them, will never change. Partly because they can’t support themselves, and this is just one of their ways to go around that. Your aunt just basically wants your mother to support her cause she can’t do it herself. Culture in the Philippines really is different from my understanding, like you can’t just abandon family. In US, things don’t work that way, you cant just demand something to your siblings, otherwise they can cut you off.
But anyway, when I was in this situation, I really couldn’t do anything. I mean, I can’t decide for my parents, probably the same for you. I just ignored them. Trust me this will past, when you start making good money of your own, it is up to you whether you want to forgive them or not. In my case, I did forgive but I never let them push me around. If they do, they wont receive a dime from me again.

Answer by Parferio Sarajena
Like most Filipino relathieves, your auntie is a blood sucker leach parasite. You already know it. Now I suppose you will “violate” me because I tell the truth and confirm what you already know. Get away from that kind of people or you will never make progress yourself. You will all end up broke and poor. Fili

Answer by bong62
this problem of yours wouldn’t have happened if only your mother can stand her ground as who has more authority in that house, your aunt seems used to having her way with your mother..so the problem can be solved only by your mother and she better have good decisions as to the fate of you two depends on her

Answer by ignorante
you have no choice but to be rude try putting up house rules its normal. occasionally create an argument with her. just to let her know that you will not be bent easily. make them feel inferior

but never throw your aunt out of the house until she can afford a place of her own that is not how you treat a family

and for me there is no such thing as utang na loob with in the family your mother should lose that idea.

Answer by MaxiMont
Try being a bitch. You’re a grown up now. Please, stop taking shit from that aunt of yours.

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