HomeChild SupportChild support question?
Posted in Child Support on 13th February 2012

Child support question?
My husband and his first wife got divorced 15 years ago in Hawaii but we reside now in TX and his ex & daughter in OH. The divorce was done in Hawaii, though. I’m confused, though, because his decree says he has to pay child support until she’s 23 or finished with college. This strikes me as odd. All the ones I’ve heard of in TX have been 18 or graduated high school. I don’t have any problem helping out my step daughter but think it’s nuts to pay her mother child support when she’s no longer living there. She’s 18 and about to go off to college. My husband & I believe in doing a reimbursement program with our kids to give them an incentive to do well but in her case, we have no control, weren’t consulted in choosing the college (which is a very expensive university), and have no control or say-so whatsoever in what happens with her. We don’t even have legal visitation anymore because she’s an adult. So how are we expected to pay “child support” on someone who’s a legal adult. I wouldn’t mind helping my adult child with expenses here & there but only if it can be on my terms (passing classes, etc). I don’t think kids should just expect to have their school paid for. Many people take out loans or work to pay for their own school and in my opinion many of them are more responsible and serious about school because of it. I would still like to help her out but not be forced by a court document to do it and I think it should certainly go to her, not to her mother. I find that way too weird. I don’t have a problem with the lady or anything but this is child support being paid on an adult to a person that’s living 2 hours away from her. Seems bizarre to me. Any thoughts, suggestions, etc.
OMG! I’m not saying I don’t want to support her. I’m actually giving her money to buy a car right now, which is not something that is mandated, I’m just doing it because I love her & want to help her out.

My husband was young & naive when he signed the paperwork and thought it was just the standard and didn’t know any different but he’s just as perplexed by it now as I am.

I don’t have any problem with helping with her school and would love it if the $ could go directly to tuition or her expenses but by the court papers it goes to her mom.

I’m not bitching or complaining and I know that it comes along with marrying someone with kids. I was just curious if it’s the norm because it’s not in my experience. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and don’t even get child support for her so I’m a big believer in child support. I’m not just some selfish money grubbing bitch of a step mom.

I was just confused if this is how it works in other peoples’ experience.
Oh, and the reimbursement program I’m talking about is that our kids will save up enough for their first semester by working summer jobs in high school or us giving them $ for good grades or whatever & then that goes toward their first semester & then as long as they pass all their classes we’ll continue to pay for future semesters. This just works so that if they do well they have everything taken care of and if they jerk around and get drunk every night they have the stress that actually comes in life with the consequences of taking things for granted. I’m not trying not to pay for my kids’ college. I’m just trying to make it so that they have to work hard for it & take responsiblity so that they learn a life lesson at the same time as an academic lesson. It’s not because I’m being mean, it’s because I love them and want them to be self sufficient, responsible people.

Best answer(s):

Answer by Hard Truth
That’s not unusual. I believe it’s that way because typically kids attending college live at home or return home during holiday if they are in dorms.

If you have no problem with it then quite complaining. You have to take the knocks your dealt because your husband had a kid from a previous marriage.

Answer by RealTalk
She had a good lawyer and he got played.

Answer by Me
I’m with you on all points – problem is that a lot of states have amended child support to go until the child is 21 (if in college). Now, considering she is no longer living at her mothers – it definitively should not go to the mother! It would go to her. It is a really tough situation to be in though, cause if you want to fight it, you would have to go to court and that would probably cause some bad blood between you and your hubby and the daughter… I guess I would just start sending her the child support check and lt her know that if she drops out it will stop! Good luck!

Answer by AhManDuh
I agree 100% but…Child support isn’t fair and it never will be….You can b i t c h and complain about it all you want, but it wont do you any good.

Just continue to pay and hopfully your step daughter will go far in life.

Answer by maccrew6
The agreement was put in front of your husband, he read it, and signed it….If you have any questions, they should be addressed to him..

Answer by Tabo
Cry me a river!

The best thing that young woman can do is go to college! “Reimbursement program”…please, fancy way to say you don’t want to support her! Universities don’t operate on “reimbursement programs”…they want their money upfront. Why would you want her to take up a loan or work so hard that her grades suffer?

Follow the decere. Support her in going to college. Your money is going towards tution which -guess what- is a lot anyways! The mother is certainly using the money for her daughter. Tution, food, room and board…

Do not give me your crap about “Reimbursement program” you just want the money for yourself. If you’re so worried about mismanagement see if your husband, the mother, lawyers can set up some agreement where your money goes toward tution paid in 3 lump sums per year AND when she is not in classes resumes to bi-weekly.

Save me YOUR drama! Support higher education and stop creating problems. You can’t do too much anyways.

Good luck.

Answer by Kristiane-Cubical ninja
It really doesn’t matter what we think, he agreed to those terms at the time of divorce and should have contested it then if he didn’t agree. There isn’t anything to be done about it now except maybe petition to have it removed from her mother if she will not be in the home and have the money sent to the daughter directly.
Really though, your question should be to your husband since he signed this agreement.
Bottom line, college doesn’t allow re-imbursement and student loans can haunt her for years. You knew he had responsibilities when you married him, suck it up.

Answer by someonesmsright
I agree that it doesn’t make sense. However, I suggest you pay the “child support” to your stepdaughter during the school months and her mom during the summer months (if she lives with her mom during the summer). Otherwise I’d start paying it to your stepdaughter year round as that money is supposed to be used by whomever is supporting your stepdaughter.

If you don’t pay you are breaking a court order and I don’t suggest doing that.

Answer by PITA
That’s the law also in Hawaii and Ohio, so it was a special provision of the court order.

An attempt could be made to modify it, but it is unlikely, as it’s not quite considered the same as a child support modification. Hawaii no longer has jurisdiction, Child support goes to Texas and custody goes to Ohio. Here’s some links to help.


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