HomeChild Carechild support question?
Posted in Child Care on 4th September 2011

child support question?
child support question?
Ok my fiance’ has a two yr old daughter with another woman. He has been buying her presents, diapers, all different kinds of baby items since she was born. We have saved some of the receipts for things, but werent smart enough to save all of them, (we kept the info. for the diamond earrings, and bigger ticket items but not for the diapers, food, playpen, stroller, etc. etc.) His ex is denying him any unsupervised visitation since day one. At first we were understanding about this (new baby, new mother, breastfeeding etc.) but recently she has been saying that “he has to really prove he cares” to get any visits with her at all! Not only that, but the mother’s bf of about 1 1/2 yr. is now his little girl’s “daddy”-and he is a sperm donor. She is unstable, and angry that he wouldnt come back to her after they broke up.

So we are going to take it to court, we were trying to save up for a lawyer but are tired of waiting (her family is rich and she lives with them-they support her, the bf, and the daughter…they dont have jobs…we live in our own place with our son and pay our own bills, etc.) so we are just going to go ahead and petition for visitation w/o a lawyer…(go to the clerk of courts for paperwork?)

We have learned enough to know he will not be denyed visitation. He is a GREAT father. Unfortunately, his daughter hasnt gotten the chance to know that. (the visits have been working around mother’s schedule, for a few short hours sporradically since birth, with her and her bf there the whole time)

We have offered to pay child support many times to her, but she keeps saying that he has to sign HIMSELF up for it (she is confused and thinks that he has to pay child support to get visitation…even though we have both told her that is not the case), yet we are still willing to pay it anyhow (its the responsible thing to do) ….We have her recorded saying all these things as well, among many other horrible spiteful things.

Now, I thought we would only be paying support from the time we signed him up for it (can we do that??) but i am starting to wonder whether we will have to pay from the time of birth (she recently said that everything we have done before “wont matter”) is this true? We are in the state of Ohio. Any advice or comments before we go ahead with this? How much will the court/filing fees be?

also note: I say “we” b/c i have helped to pay for all of these things, and been there for all of the visits, am privy to all information. I am not overly involved, i try to stay out of it (she kind of scares me). OH, and the two were never married.
she feels as though she is doing what’s right for her daughter-b/c she has this idea cooked up that ONE day he will disappoint her, etc. etc. I dont know why she thinks that, she has no person exp. with that sort of thing…but she mostly says he hasnt “proved to her he can care for her” and that “she is not going to let her get hurt” and blames it on mother anxieties/fears.
yes, he is on the birth cert. and therefore legally her father.

Best answer(s):

Answer by Phantom
Too long; didn’t read.

Have you tried not doing whatever you’re doing?

Answer by Sly
I actually read the whole thing and although I don’t actually know how to help you I thought I’d let you know that I think you are doing great. The babies mama isn’t going to make it easy which is so sad because the baby has to suffer, she needs her real daddy in her life and its cruel of the BBmama to keep her from that.

Good luck, and don’t let her scare you, I bet she thinks you are scary, you work for your son you work for your food. That girl probably never worked at anything and is just skating through life.

Answer by Ang
I don’t know alot about the state of Ohio, but I know in California, they will make him pay back child support. Have you set up a consult with an attorney yet? Write down all the questions you have & ask him or her. They would be better equipped to answer you. I would also start keeping a log of when he call to talk to her, when he sees her, buys her things etc. That may come in handy with the courts also.
You may also want to do some research on the web for the state of Ohio & there child support laws.

Good luck & god bless!

Answer by fawnberrie
Very thourough…

I’m sorry you’re in such a rough position. I think what you’re doing (and plan on doing) is the best course of action for now. Unfortunately, excluding things like abuse, courts usually side with the moms. I don’t see why you and you husband shouldn’t get some visitation. Whatever proof you have saved will be your best defense and make sure to keep records of whatever you can from now on. I hope you and your family get the best. Good luck.

Answer by jarisman
You need to go talk to someone at Ohio Job and Family Services. They have lawyers on staff that will really be able to help you in this situation. As far as I know, if there is no custody order on record the mother has absolutely no right to deny visitation, and if she does deny him the right to see his daughter, you need to keep records of how often he’s tried, and that will look bad on her. That little girl is his as much as hers, and I applaud him for trying to be a part of her life. You need to talk to someone from family services as soon as possible and they will be able to point you towards the best course of action. Being that she has no job, that will also look poorly on her. I hope for the best for you guys. Oh, and child support amounts are based around 2 major factors, the amount of money he makes, and the amount of time the child is with each parent. Him only getting a few hours here and there will hurt him eventually. You need to try as often as possible to visit, as well as try to get her to let the child come with you without visitation. If she refuses, keep record of it. She can NOT deny him of his rights as her father, period.

Answer by LOL
Your situation doesn’t sound good. She’s just trying to use his daughter against him because she’s bitter, and she doesn’t care that it’s hurting her daughter. If she won’t take the money you guys are offering her, you should open up a savings account for his daughter and put all of the money she won’t take into it. I’m not sure if you’ll have to pay back child support or not, but the filing fees shouldn’t be too much, I’m guessing less than a hundred bucks. When you do go to court, get up as much evidence as possible. The tapes will definitely help, and will hopefully keep you guys from having to pay any back child support.

You’re doing a great thing by helping him with this. I really hope everything works out for the best and that you’re fiance will get what’s only right, his daughter. Hope this helps 🙂

Answer by Dee
I can tell you that you will get further with a lawyer, but yes I understand they are expensive! My husband & I just went through this same ordeal with his ex and mother of his other 2 children. We finally sucked it up and spent our entire tax return last year to get a lawyer we paid $ 3500 for the lawyer to show up to court 4 times and file the papers…yes a rip off but well worth it.

I am in GA and it costs about $ 200 to file the papers on your own. The first thing he has to do is file for legtimazation before he can even file for visitation. Since they were never married he has to prove he is the father of the child and she may be a bitch and request a DNA test which he will have to pay for. Once that is established then he will have to file for visitation. Keep in mind that if the forms are not filled out correctly and typed in the correct format the judge will not even look at them and you just wasted your filing fees ( happened to us the first time).
Child support only starts on the day that the order is signed by the judge, not from birth. I am sure the judge can make an exception to this but as long a you have reciepts to prove he has been helping out I doubt the judge would go back to birth. And you are correct visitation and child support are two completely different cases. I would suggest writing her a check and keeping track of it that way instead of just buying the things on his own, it looks better in court. And SHE needs to go file for support if she wants to, he does not have to offer this.

I hope that helps you some. Also don’t expect things to go quickly. We first filed in Nov. 07 and the case was finally closed in Sept.08. Also if ya’ll have children together that needs to be brought out in court and in a child support case, he will pay less to her if ya’ll have kids together.

Good Luck. And it is all worth it and congrats to your husband for being a caring parent and taking the first step!!

Answer by Alekat
His former gf is using him, (you too AND your son).

I have a neighbor that has done the identical same thing. A girl with former bf and excluded him and is now living with a new bf. The girl is now 7 years old. The girls father tried and finally gave up since – a big obstacle was – they were not married. He spent thousands to no avail.

When he formed his new family, he nearly stopped the long process so as not to short his new family with attention and so much wasted money.

The catch is: the little girl has her real father back in the picture because the little girl demanded it.

Trick? Tell him not to try so hard, (and spending so much money that you two need to get on with your own family).

If it continues and you short your son resentment will build and you will eventually become resentful.

You and your son are now #1 in his life, (or should be). He does not need to give up but, he needs to back off.

Answer by Hannah
Number one, get a lawyer!! Judges don’t like it when you come in on your own, you just never know which way a judge is going to rule. It is doubtful that you will have to pay back child support, unless she had filed a petition. My personal opinion on bringing up all the things you have already bought, is Don’t. Judges don’t care, and it makes you sound petty, and it sound like the Mother, will be her own worst enemy, let her hang herself, if the subject isn’t brought up, then she has no ammo.

When Dad is granted visitation rights, it will not be supervised by anyone, unless the court thinks he is a threat to his baby’s safety, so don’t worry about what Mom says, the judge makes the rules like it or not, and everyone will abide by them also like it or not.

As far as the new bf being the new daddy, well not much you can do about that, it’s not right I know. Just be good parents to the baby, don’t stoop to the mothers level, that little girl will remember things like that. As much as you dislike the mother and whoever else, NEVER EVER speak badly about them in front of her. You have a long road in front of you, be supportive of your fiance, but don’t forget, that is his past, and he has to deal with it, you just be there for him. Lots of Luck to You!!

Answer by nebemom
You need to get a lawyer! He needs to file for parental rights. Is he listed on the birth cert? He should be able to go down to the DA’s office dept that deals with child support & sign him self up (it will look good to a judge that he did this, not having her go after him for support) Child support will be based on how much he makes & parenting time. If you do give the mother anything write it down or give her a check & make copies & note when it clears. A lawyer will really help getting these things done. Good Luck & don’t give up!

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