HomeChild SupportChild support nightmares? Has anyone else ( particularly men) ever suffered one?
Posted in Child Support on 21st November 2011

Child support nightmares? Has anyone else ( particularly men) ever suffered one?
I keep reading posts regarding men who people assume are “deadbeat” dads. While many are – I wondered if any have ever had a truly unfair experience. My husband fathered a child more than 30 years ago at the age of 18. He married the mother but divorced after less than a year. She took the child and moved to another state without leaving any forwarding address. After 20 years we hired private detectives to find his daughter since this had nagged at him for many years. They had a wonderful reunion and we flew her to our state yo meet the rest of her family. His ex – in retaliation- filed for 16 years of back child support and won. Our tax refunds etc. were garnished for years and we had to borrow huge sums of $ to pay the debt. Two years ago we found out she had lied from the beginning and the child was not even his. has anyone else been a victim of a child support “scam”? I just want everyone to realize it does happen to honest men who want to do the right thing.
We tried. The attorney general in her state filed papers to get a partial refund for us and she split. Forget getting the IRS to cough up the $ . However, the REAL victim here is the 30 year old daughter who was led to believe this lie for so many years. So sad.

Best answer(s):

Answer by Obamayomamma J
yes, but nothing like you got ripped off with
holy crap
why didn’t the courts request a DNA test

i feel like flying there to beat the biotch about the neck fat for a few hours

Answer by bamfgrl23
Have you taken this woman to court to get your money back? He can get every penny back if the child turned out not to be his. The cases where the father is being screwed are rare to say the least, usually it is men trying to dodge their responsibilities as a parent. It makes it harder for the dads that are getting the raw deal.

Answer by wildflower c
My now ex got a wierd letter in the mail (a copy of a petition filed) from his ex asking that he be put in jail for nonpayment of child support… They claimed he was thousands of dollars behind… We went straight to child support enforcement and to the court and got copies of their records, and compared them.. when we went to court we showed how when you added what each of them showed, he was actually $ 4, 000 overpaid… somehow there was a miscommunication between the two divisions and they were taking more out of his check than what they should have and neither of them kept the same records.

Answer by Pipe L
Sounds almost the same.

Private detective to find kids.
I was always paying support.
While I was paying support she never told the state about it so she was also getting welfare, tanif, medicaid etc etc.
They took all the state assistance she got, added a monthly % finance charges(interest on that) and made me pay that back as well. She was even employed during that time.

My divorce alone cost me over $ 50,000.

Then her lies cost me tons more.

It eventually back fired on her and now the kids live with me. She sold all of their belongings and moved. ALL OF THE KIDS STUFF GONE> pictures, clothes , jewelry, everything.

She is a disgrace of a mom.

KARMA.

kids are with me now

Answer by gunslingerjosey
Paternity fraud and “father-shopping” doesn’t get the attention it deserves. People paying child support (typically fathers) get saddled with unreasonable support orders which are not based on the “basic needs of the children” though the public and many of the uninformed masses will parrot that load of bunk repeatedly – even here at YA.

Mothers almost NEVER get prosecuted for the CRIME of paternity fraud – and that’s what that woman did. Further victimization is sanction by the state and federal governments – who intercepted your family funds with no proof other than the mother’s say so that your hubby was the father. But alas, don’t expect them to the be there for you when you try to pursue charges against the criminal and get restitution – all they care about is getting the federal matching dollars for collecting all that back support with interest.

It’s a crisis in this country (and abroad).

I think right now in this country and abroad, marriage & having children is a scary proposition.

Today, the divorce rate is so high due to no-fault divorce. If you have kids, for women – that means they hold all the cards. A man today has to realize that, love and “the dream” aside, the risks to men/fathers far outweigh the rewards. Check the source – some great books on just this issue.

Family court is tilted heavily in favor of women/mothers. Moms have all the rights, get all the benefits, and dad is too often relegated to a visitor in his children’s lives while being an ATM machine for mom. He can lose half (or more) of the cash, cars, house, investments, etc… and worse – the children.

Seriously, if I had known then what I know now about how the divorce machine sucks in fathers, grinds them up, and spits them out so unceremoniously, I would have never gotten married and given up my dream of having a family.

With no-fault divorce (the biggest killer of marriage and families) you don’t need an excuse anymore to get a divorce. You just don’t have to feel like being married anymore – and with that reality comes the truth – a marriage is no longer a contract, so what’s the point except to put yourself and your future at risk when someone “doesn’t feel like it anymore?” With women (who have children) initiating almost 3/4 of divorces today (most men don’t even see it coming), it’s the smart man who chooses not to get married and certainly not have children… and that’s a shame.

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