HomeWorking MothersCan I hold my mother legally accountable for financially abusing me?
Posted in Working Mothers on 21st January 2011

Can I hold my mother legally accountable for financially abusing me?
After a year and a half in college, I am at a point where I cannot AT ALL afford the expense. I let my mother and father know of this (sidenote-they were never married, but were partners for a short time, and my mother always had custody of me) My father did not give me any kind of support, and my mother couldn’t.

Throughout my entire life, even though I was always in serious need of financial support, my mother never held him accountable bc she “wanted to prove that she could raise me on her own” (clearly she couldn’t-financially).

SO I need to pay for college and can’t. She decides to take him to court. She starts giving me the money for me to manage my finances. But immediatly starts to keep 16% of it for her self.

Then after busting my ass working year-round, today I find out that she has filed me as her dependent! Maniputively tells me and doesn’t even other to reimburse me. When I asked her why she did this. She says “because you’re my mother”

Mind you. I live on my own. Work on my own. And recieve no support from her.

My relations with my father are f*cked up, largely because she has always manipulated us to be apart from each other (she’s insecure and always feared that I would “take his side”)
Correction- she said “because you are my daughter”
Thank you for your answers.

Phil, it is completely inappropriate for her to use the money that I am getting now as a way to reimburse herself for the past. She has not had any justifiable reason for not having done this early. It would have served to all three of all’ advantage. And she was the only person who held that power. Her only excuse was out of vengence- “im going to prove him that i can do this on my own”

Suga…I am posting this because I want to get others’ idea on how to go about this.
Actually “Lovesthe…” he could not be held liable for back payments.

And I can file a suit against her for tax fraud.
editor@…- thanks

psych… First of all, I am sorry that you are not aware of the law as well. I am entitled to financial support from parents for attending school. For Graduate school however, it is a different deal.

I am not asking for money from my mother. I am simply asking that she not take the money that my father is paying which is for the purpose of paying my schooling. Not for my mother, whom I don’t even live with and very rarely visit.
And I am also asking that I am simply not abused on a federal level by my mother. I NEVER gave her permission to use me as her dependent. Neither is that a decision I make, I would then be fuc*ing wth the feds. She is simply not entitled to that


Best answer(s):

Answer by Fakename

Answer by Phil
I can’t tell from what you’ve said what all is involved, If there is past child support being paid now your mother perhaps has a legitimate claim on it, on the theory that she paid all your expenses and this reimburses her for it. I would not really feel she was out of line keeping 16% and giving you the rest to be honest.

As an adult however you should be able to manage your own financial affairs. Claiming someone on taxes requires a very specific showing that she is paying half or more of your living expenses. If she is not doing that it’s tax fraud. You can file your own return and claim yourself, IRS will send one of you a letter demanding an explanation. be sure you can prove you pay your own way. Are you counting that child support money as being provided by you?

if you feel she has misused or stolen your money you can take action, but this is just too vague for me to say more than that.

Answer by SugarBear
Child support is paid to the custodial parent for the child’s benefit. And the custodial parent gets to decide how it’s spent. Sounds like you are already an adult. You parents screwed up. Since you are now an adult I’m sure you will find a way to deal with it.

Answer by LovesTheConstitution
Let me see if I get this straight:
1. You are an adult who is working and going to college.
2. Your mother has not sent you financial support.
3. You complained that you could no longer afford your current situation.
4. Your mother took your father to court for support (presumably, back child support) and now receives payments.
5. Your mother forwards to you 84% of your father’s payments, though she is not legally obligated to send any to you.
6. Somehow, this is financial abuse.

When you consult an attorney on this proposed lawsuit, please let us all know what advice your attorney gives you.

Answer by editor@bcdisabilities.com
Here we go again – another victim of a single mom who was ‘doing her best’ – her best for HER! Oh, the accolades these awful people demand of the culture when they are FAILING AS MISERABLY as any of the Wall Street gamblers who perpetrated the global meltdown! That’s the bad news.

The good news is that you probably have some sort of a claim for assistance with post-secondary education. Both parents are expected to contribute regardless of whether the relationship was sealed with marriage vows. You need to speak to a family law atty to find out what the expectations are in your jurisdiction and whether this ‘16%’ off the top of dad’s support is excessive.

At the end of the day, you’ll probably have to supplement parental contributions by joining the legion of student debtors who take out loans to get to uni. Do it! Borrow, borrow, borrow! Be aggressive! You MUST do it when you’re young, too – when employers are still interested in you. Mature students are just not attractive to employers. Experience, strangely, is often detrimental even. Carve this on your forehead if you must: Do it NOW while you’re young! It will never be easier.

Free advice: Get whatever advocacy/therapy help you need to improve relations with dad. You seem to want to and he has demonstrated some commitment. Pursue it! In addition to beefing up your supportive network, guys have lots of stuff to tell women about the working world. Even if all he does is cherish you some, great.

A pox on all those would-be martyrs, whose cowardice makes martyrs of their kids! How many young lives are ruined forever b/c mom wouldn’t grow the guts to divorce pop and get some sort of support order that would allow the kids better food and the oppty to enjoy a relationship with dad.

Answer by Psych. Nestor.
First. How old are you?

Second. No.

You are not obligated by law to attend college, so regardless to your age, you cannot obtain money from her.

Like Radiohead put it, when you get older, you’ll learn not to have such a sense of entitlement.

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