Posted in Babysitting on 21st March 2011

So i have decided to separate from my baby;s father because of a marijuana problem he has… and his lack of responsibility with work, bills, and etc. But instead of just kicking him out to go move back in with his parents, I think it would be best for some type of intervention so he has the option to get help or if he doesnt want help to leave….

My grandma is basically my mother, she has really helped raising me since my parents had me in highschool, she has really been there through thick and thin,

Anyways my grandma is going to call his mother to talk about some arrangment with his mother so we can sit “him” down this weekend and get him help with his drug problem and help him improve his life. IF he chooses help, I will continue to be with him, and help him through it, if doesnt get help I will dis-continue our realtionship and get a lawyer and start the papers for full custody and child support. I just bought a house have a GREAT paying job that I will not lose, go to college and will continue after she is born…

Since in 3 months I will be giving birth to our child I have decided that I have done everything I could in the past 6 months to get him to quit or cut-down, shape up or ship out he hasnt done much improvement I DEARLY LOVE HIM BECAUSE HE IS THE FATHER OF MY CHILD… but im losing interest and its becoming a huge turn off for me because he isnt a driven person like me.

So when this intervention is happinning iam having a hard time putting my words together to make him understand Im not wanting to change him, BUT HIS ADDICTION PROBLEM… to better himself

I am asking am I doing the right thing but giving him this choice?
and what should I say to him to make him relize that i do love him and this has to end and needs to grow up

22 years old
no car
no driver lincense
works for parents business
works under 25 hours a week
making 9 an hour
smokes heavly cigrettes and weed
drinks ALOT of energy drinks

Best answer(s):

Answer by patron on ice
god with the info you gave on him id just leave him and forget about him your little girl deserves better. way better.

Answer by kiittyteco
I think that you should try to help him stop smoking ciggarettes and weed and try hard to help him clean up his life because it may be hard for your little girl to grow up without a father. try to explain that even if you are trying to change him it is for his own good and for your babies future.

Answer by Lydia
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but think that this “intervention” you are planning is a mistake. To get his mother involved would only humiliate him and drive him further away from you. You may even be hurting his future relationship with his unborn child. It sounds as if you’re trying to force him to change, and that never works. If he is ever going to change his life, it’s going to have to be because he’s sick of the way he’s living now, not because you *made* him change.

I would say that you should suggest that he get help on his own. Leave his mother out of this. That’s over stepping your boundaries. If he’s ready to get help, then he will. If he’s not ready to change and you can’t deal with it, then you can have a good life on your own without him. I wish you the best for your future. I really hope things turn out well for you.

Answer by fish
Yes ur doin the right thing cuz ur girl should nt have to go through this

Answer by Ray c
Do you want to be his mother for the rest of your life? He knows that he is doing wrong. A number of people have told him over a period of time. Now is the time that you tell him to move out and get help. He needs to get the help on his own. He has had people all his life take care of him. Now is the time he needs to make life changing decisions and follow through with actively seeking help.

Tell him that if he changes, gets help, gets off the drugs, successfully completes the drug program, stops drinking and smoking, and gets and holds on to a full time job, then you will consider taking him back.

Up until now he has taken advantage of you. He has done nothing that would show that he respects you or loves you. Remember, love means sacrifice, he has not sacrificed anything for anyone. It is all about what he wants. So if he really wants you, he needs to prove it by cleaning up his life and making right decisions without your help.

Throw out the trash before the baby comes and have a great life.

Answer by AmericanExpat
You “dearly love him because he is the father” of your child. You must have loved him for himself when you married him. Knowing that he had no car, did not drive, had a G.E.D…etc. What has changed? Could it be that being around college students you now think you could have done better. He could still get a PhD, you never know. My uncle did. He was married at seventeen. When he finished his PhD he received a letter from his high school asking if it wasn’t about time for him to get his G.E.D. My husband still has all his faults, but now he is a physician instead of a dishwasher. He did not get inspired to further his education until he was twenty-three.
If you are going to continue with college someone has to have extra time to spend with your baby. Since he has a part time job (probably flexible because he works for his parents) he could do this. Women go through a lot of emotions when they are pregnant and also during their monthly cycles.
You might want to consider that you are the one who has changed for the moment because of estrogen.
I do not approve of marijuana, but a lot of people smoke it and it would not be considered a drug problem. Smoking cigarettes is worse and should be illegal as well. These are not major issues.
He is your husband. The one you chose to marry. You can change that, but what makes you think the next one would be better? Maybe he would earn more and have different bad habits, but he would never be the real father of your child.
Becoming a father helps both the mother and father to grow up and act less selfishly. He is only twenty-two. I think you love him. Your baby will need all the love he can get. Both of you might want to get marriage counseling. Most marriages go through problems. Just realize that right now a lot of what you are going through has to do with being pregnant. You tolerance level is probably lower.
I would suggest you remember why you were attracted to your husband in the first place. Determine to honor your commitment to him. Every wife thinks she can change her husband. Right now you are putting the pressure on: change or get out. You can’t change him. You can only change yourself. Try looking at his good points, rather than focusing on his bad ones. I suggest that you give him time to grow up. Guys are often slower at it. I’d also suggest that you give your child two parents rather than a broken home.

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