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2012 June - Baby-sitting & Childcare

Why should I continue to pay her child support?

Posted in Child Support on 30th June 2012

Why should I continue to pay her child support?
Okay, some now some may detest my feelings or some may identify with the way that I feel. But I have not seen my child in almost 5 years since; after hurricane Katrina, and I hardly get to talk to her. Furthermore, all I get from the mother is broken promises that my child will get to spend a summer with me out here in Washington. I am so sick and tired of this and I’m feeling as though I’m being walked over. It’s not right that my ex is resents me for my actions of 12 years ago. I tried explaining my situation to my local child support enforecement agency and the only thing that I get is, “You still have to pay your child support.” It appears as if the only thing the system is concerned about is getting their portion of the money. However, I have had enough. Therefore, I have begun withholding payments. Oh! and guess what, now I am getting sure promises that I will be able to have my child for the summer. I have already explained to my child’s mother that until she allows me to be apart of my child’s life, I will continue to withhold child support payments. No matter what the cost to me may be. I do hate to resolve to such matter for I am well aware of the consequences, but I just can’t continue to accept this. Can anyone offer any kind of advice. I don’t like to be a mean person, but no more Mr. Nice Guy.
I would llike to add that I do have visitation rights stimming from 2001. But my VR have long been grossly ignored. Also, for anyone who desires to belittle me or call me names. Please be mindful that you don’t know me neither my situation. I’m am only seeking advice for more brains are better than one. Plus, it feels good to vent frustration and to have somebody to talk to. However, thanks kindly for the input.

Best answer(s):

Answer by A
Nothing to do with being a nice guy. Your child needs to eat whether you see her or not. Pay it.

Answer by Jeff H
Take it back to court and have visits mandated by a judge, then she will be in trouble if she doesn’t comply.

Whatever you do if you withhold payments document it very well otherwise you may be the one in trouble, especially if your payments were mandated by the courts.

Answer by Fitz
The child support is for your child (regardless of what the ex does with it, trust me I sympathize). How are you going to explain to your child in the future that you turned your back financially because you were mad at mom? I know that’s not the reality of it … but that’s how your child will see it some day. Is that what you want?

Answer by kenoplayer
Hold your ground. Tell your ex, after you have had a visit from your child, she will get a one lump payment of whatever is owed up to that point.

Answer by Greg
That’s you kid at least you are trying to be a part of your child’s life. I think you can get in alot of trouble if you don’t pay child support. Go to court either get custody of your child or make sure you get mandatory visit dates.

Answer by Kelle
You are not giving any money to the Agency.

You are not giving any money th the Mother.

You are giving money to your child for food, heat, shelter etc….
Would you deny this to your child?
Think of it that way.

Sounds like the Mother is not encouraging contact with you from the child.
Assuming you are a decent guy, this is sad.

It will bite her in the a.. sooner or later. When kids like this become around 15 they take off to have a relationship with Dad. Moms are much wiser to let this happen under their care then later.

Please pay regularly. I work at the jail. we don’t need any more guys who don’t pay.

Give it time. What goes around , comes around. 🙂

Answer by BreadCollision
Honestly I do understand your frustration but you have to realize that your actions are punishing your innocent child. Do you want to alienate your child, or your ex?

Be noble. Be right. Be moral. That child is yours, despite what the stupid mother does or does not do. If you do the right thing (support your child), if any of this ends up in court, you will be able to say YOU took the high road, and the NON-MANIPULATIVE road.

One day God will reward you for doing what’s right. In the future, this child’s goofy mom won’t be able to say you didn’t do the right thing. Do what is RIGHT, regardless of what the mother is doing.

What is more important to you – to have a leg-up on mom, or to be the right kind of dad?

Who do you love more? Your ego, or your child? If your answer is your child, then SUPPORT your child. Yes, I know you can’t control how your ex controls the money you send, but at least you’ll be able to prove you did your part.

Plus, if you don’t succumb to her manipulations, she can never say she had power over you. Just consistently do the right thing, month after month, and ignore her otherwise the best you can, and you will be able to hold your head up.

I believe in you, and I also understand your frustration. I have BEEN there, my friend.

Stay in touch. hollylooya@gmail.com

Romans 8:28
Jeremiah 29: 11
John 10: 10

Answer by NAT
The reason that child support enforcement doesn’t care about the fact that the mother is withholding visitation is because that is not their concern, their concern is for the welfare of your child, as you yourself should be. If you have a formal parenting plan filed with the state than she is in contempt of court and you have grounds to take her back to court for that. The legal system considers child support and child custody visitation two separate entities. No matter how hard you fight the system you will lose and so will your child. If your going to withhold CS than you will simply force her hand and she will be able to start garnishing your wages. Hopefully, your smart enough to stick that money that you have stopped paying in a place where you won’t spend it because you will definitely end up having to pay the piper so to speak in the end. If you don’t have a formal parenting plan on file I would also suggest that you begin there with getting some time with your kid and if you’ve already got it than stop moaning and groaning about what she will and will not let you do with your child and go get her on your scheduled time because as long as you’ve got the papers to prove that you’ve got a legal right to her the cops can’t stop you from taking her.

Answer by LorenaBob-It!
I hear ya. They don’t want the father to be a father to the child. They just want his money. Good luck, buddy! I would get a lawyer, or legal aid, and get visits scheduled with your child, that she will have no way denying.

Answer by daughter_of_God
If you haven’t seen your kid in almost five years, that is ALL your fault. If you haven’t been to court yet to set up court-ordered visitation, then do so. But if you have, then take your lawyer and go back to court seeking full custody of your child based on your ex refusing to produce your child for visitation. Also, have your lawyer ask the judge to have your child’s mother be placed in contempt-of-court for refusing to honor the visitation agreement. I am sure that a few days in jail will help her to understand her obligations to the sperm donor of her child.

And as for what you are doing now, you go ahead and explain to your child’s mother that you are continuing to withhold child support, but that has to be the STUPIDEST thing you can do. All she has to do is go back to court and have you slapped with contempt of court and you will lose your driver’s license and possibly even be jailed. Oh and don’t forget all that compound interest you will have to pay too!

You can’t even claim that you aren’t paying because you aren’t receiving visitation because the two are not related. And even if your ex is being a witch to you, your child still needs to be fed and have a roof over her head. So go ahead, be angry with your child’s mum and refuse to pay the child support, but you will be the one in jail, not her, and trust me, that isn’t worth it!

Finally, if you aren’t prepared to do things properly and go back to court to fight for visitation, then you don’t really want it so stop complaining. I can tell you that if this was my kid, there is no way I would let five years go by without seeing her. I would have dragged the child’s custodial parent into court after the first month of missed visits. Take care!

child support enforcement?

Posted in Child Support on 29th June 2012

child support enforcement?
I have court today. The state is taking my ex-husband to court for “Order to show cause, as to why he shouldn’t be incaserated due to non payment of child support” He hasn’t paid anything in 2 years, he is 20,000.00 behind in his child support obligation to my children. Will he actually be thrown in jail, since I know for sure he has no good cause. I don’t know what throwing him in jail will really accomplish but maybe it will give himm some time to realize he needs to get on the ball and get a job and pay up his obligations. He has lost every hearing so far, and I know he doesn’t have a lawyer. We just have the state lawyer but they don’t take sides. So, what may happen? What would you think a judge would do?

2 years without payment
Not working
Still has his drivers liscense but the state already requested to revoke it

Best answer(s):

Answer by wizjp
Hopefully scare him into making good what he owes you.

Answer by Star
For him to be behind $ 20,000.00…he would have had to be making quite a bit of money when you split. $ 833.00/month is a bit much for child support and that would be about 22% of his income at the time you divorced.
If that is the case, why did he let go of such a good job?

My opinion is generally in favor of the father, because I know how badly the states and the mothers can screw things up. This one would be a tough one if he actually had a job paying that much, though.

I always thought taking the drivers license and putting men in jail for not paying was pretty stupid, though. The state then forces them into nonpayment for however long they keep them and gives them no way except public transportation to get to and from a job to pay the support.

As for what may happen? Depends on the judge and your state.
He could go to jail for as long as two years, or get a slap on the wrist…anything goes.

Answer by sensible_man
Most Child Support courts try not to jail a person for non-support but, since he has been there before, he may well find jail as his new home for a while. I agree that a person can’t pay anything while incarcerated, but if they won’t pay when free, sometimes it’s the only way to get their attention. My State suspends the drivers license without notice to the non-payer as a “first warning”.

Answer by left_coast_punk
Whatever happens will be up to a judge. As for whether or not he goes to jail will also be up to the judge. I can’t believe that your ex is that far behind and hasn’t already been in jail or had his license suspended. Most states don’t let the non-custodial parent get that far behind.

If you ex has the means to pay his support obligation and isn’t, then a judge will want to know why he hasn’t. There could be a legitamate reason why he hasn’t, however without knowing the facts of the case, I don’t know that this is what’s occuring.

If your ex has the means to pay his support and isn’t then I hope he does get thrown in jail. As a single dad who pays his monthly support, I can empathize with having to send out a check and not know, what or how it’s being used for. Nonetheless, i do, because I love my son. Again, I’m not implying you misuse your support.

The flip-side of the coin is that putting your husband in jail or suspending his license can make things worse for all parties. If the judge puts your husband in jail, he will still have to pay the arrears he owes, plus his current obligation. Additionally, if he is in jail he will probably lose his job (if he has one). When he gets out of jail he will have to find another job, and still have to pay his past and current obligations. Finding a job may be even harder if he’s been in jail.

If he has his license suspended/revoked and he gets pulled over he may end up in jail for driving on a suspended/revoked license depending on the laws of your state. Conversely, he can argue that if he can’t drive he can’t work, I don’t think that arguement will work, but you never know.

I think the best thing a judge can do for both of you is come up with some type of payment plan that your husband can afford and is suitable to you. Best of luck

Answer by BeautyGirly
Either the Judge will give him a payment plan or he will put him in jail.

Father Paying Child support Insufficiently?

Posted in Child Support on 28th June 2012

Father Paying Child support Insufficiently?
Hi, my name is Ben. My parent’s have been divorced for 5 years this November. I live in the state of South Carolina. I don’t know the child support laws, but here it goes. For the past 2 years, and this can be confirmed, my Father was legally suppose to pay my mother $ 1000 dollars a month (as it has been written in the court documents). But, for the past 2 years my Father decided that $ 1000 was too much money to be paying her. He was very threatening about it (hence, the reason they were divorced), and so he tried to get her to sign a document he has eradicated by himself. My Mother would not sign this document he had not formed, and also, they were not paying the child support through the court. So, 2 years later rolls around, and I urge my mother to get an attorney and discuss the situation with her thoroughly. They discussed this matter about 3 weeks ago, and found it appropriate to send him paper saying that “He would need to come to an agreement of paying my mother $ 700 bye the next time period when he pays the child support”. And, that by the court date, he would need to come to an agreement of paying back the $ 16,300 dollars he owed her, which has been furthermore reduced down to $ 10,000 dollars.

-My question is, my father lost his job Monday. On the same week we gave him the papers (Wednesday) explaining the child support and $ 16,000(reduced to $ 10,000) payback he owed us. We were not aware that he was unemployed, we learned of it the next week when the attorney researched his income rate.

***Would the $ 10,000 payback be delayed/reduced/exempted and or changed in any way due to the fact of my Father being unemployed***

Best answer(s):

Answer by Poppy
You child have no concern whatsoever in this matter. Child support is not intended for you. It’s for your mother to raise you. The fact that you seem to know so much about all this really bothers me. I hope you father has a good attorney and fights this. Seems to me he’s getting fleeced.

Answer by Rhonda
i don’t know, but I think if he has the money, he will have to pay it since it’s back child support. Tell your Mother to stick with the court system for now on, or your Dad is just going to keep screwing you over.

Answer by ♥Invisible Pink Unicorn♥
This really doesn’t concern you directly –

Your mother and her attorney needs to handle this and you need to stay out!

Back support would still be owed either way, but this is in no way any of your business

Answer by Willa
Benjamin, buddy, you need to mind your own business. They are the adults and you are the child. This is your father you are talking about. He’s out of work. He’s likely to be out of work for a long time in this economy. Maybe he’s a jerk. Maybe your mother is a jerkette. You need to stay out of adult business.

Answer by kim h
Since this is money he owed over the past five years and has not paid his current employment should not matter. I would not sign a reduced amount. I would make him pay it all. He had no regard for you or if you were taken care of, why would she let him off the hook? I do not know if the laws are the same every where but in Ohio you can petition child support to have his income tax return taken and applied to his arrears. In Ohio you get that paper at the child support bureau. Call and see about in your state.

Answer by I saw whatudid
If the court orders child support in a certain amount, that amount due doesn’t change unless someone petitions the court to change it. If you dad petitions the court, and say they change it to $ 50/month he will still owe the same amount for what is past due ($ 1000/month). If the court didn’t ORDER him to pay the support, that is a totally different story.

The state will enforce support orders for $ 25. I wouldn’t pay an attorney to get support unless there is some unknown reason that Child Support Enforcement can’t do it.

Answer by Common sense isn’t anymore..
regardless of the amount he owes back, the state will only take it at 50-100 a month on top of child support monthly.

He will have to submit his stuff to court and they may re-set the amount. Your mother needs to go to the court though and do this through them.

Answer by Dads boy
No he still owes the grand a month . If he isn’t working they will reduce his payments dramatically . If he is ordered to pay the 10,000 immediately and does not they will place him in jail there for ruining any chance of your mom getting any money at all because it will ruin him . How can a man make money in jail ? they will even suspend his drivers license then how will he get to work or apply for a job if he has no transpiration . Don’t go to hard on him she would Just be screwing herself over

Answer by “HOT SHOT”
The only thing you should know is that you or your mom will never see that money !

Answer by Lili Montegue
Two things you need to google – your state CSE guidelines, and Parental Alienation Syndrome. You will find the answers you are looking for in the first, to a degree, because judges always have leeway in how they can order obligations. If it can be proved that he is unemployed, well, there you are. If he is recieving UE benefits, I am sure you and Mom can motion to garnish a portion of the check.

The second, you will not like, and probably not read, but you need to. I am appalled. Completely and 100% appalled.

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